Heartless Vasiliev

Chapter Twelve

Nathaniel 

Three months after I moved out. Unti-unti ko nang naaayos ang lahat. I am now working on a small studio that I am planning. Over the times, I developed a bond with Amelia. Ang saya niyang kasama kaya isa rin iyon sa mga dahilan kung bakit mas nagustuhan ko siyang sinasamahan sa mga gusto niya. Kagaya ngayon,

"Nathan, magsimba tayo bukas?" she asked.

"Sige," I simply answered.

I am painting a picture I've had in my mind. Amelia was watching behind me. Mukha siyang batang nakatingin sa akin.

"You know, I really want to lear how to paint," she finally said.

"I can teach you."

"I was hoping. Pero 'di ba may paints na mumurahin? Puwedeng iyon ang gamitin ko? From what I know, mahal ang painting materials."

I nodded. "Artist grade ang mga ginagamit ko, but we can purchase cheaper ones. You can practice with them."

"Hindi ba puwede 'yong boysen na lang?"

I laughed. "Bakit, iyong wall ba ng bahay mo ang pagpra-practice-an mo?"

"Ay, hindi ba puwede? Gusto ko kasi 'yong mga bato na malalaki ang pinturahan ko."

Tumango ako. "Sige, after church, bili tayo ng boysen mo."

Nagtatatalon siya sa tuwa. She started telling me about her plans. Iyong malaking bato raw ay pipinturahan niyang parang bush at iyong maliliit ay parang mga nahulog na dahon.

"Wow, that's so creative," saad ko.

"Oo nga. Creative ako minus creativity skills. 

"We have to work on that kung gano'n."

She nodded. "Alam mo, ang saya ko."

"Why?"

"Kasi may kaibigan na ako tapos ang galing-galing mo pa."

"Wala ka bang kaibigan noon?"

"I ran away from home." She laughed.

"Why is that?"

"My Dad is from Germany, but is currently living in the U.S. Hiwalay sila ni Mommy, matagal na. My stepfather didn't like me and Mom prioritized her stepkids. I was neglected, so I ran away. Bago ako umalis, kinuha ko iyong mga iniwan ni Daddy na regalo para sa akin. They were expensive jewelries. I sold all of them and bought this house."

"Bakit hindi ka na lang pumunta sa Dad mo abroad?"

"I'd want to, pero hindi ko alam kung nasaang state siya nakatira."

"You never had friends growing up?"

She shook her head. "Hanggang grade three nga lang ako sa school, eh. I had to learn things the hard way and thankfully, we had a small library at home. I read books when my step-siblings aren't bullying me, or if my Dad wasn't beating me, or when my Mom let's me not do the chores. Ayon, I learned a bit about financial literacy from the books, so I was able to decide what I should buy with my money."

"I thought you're rich."

She laughed. "My Mom is. Kung nagtataka ka bakit english speaking ako minsan, iyon ay dahil pinalaki ako sa english speaking household. Ikaw, Nathan? Bago ka nakarating dito, how was your life?"

I smiled bitterly. "Before I got here, I had my own apartment, I have the woman I loved, I was working my dream job-"

"Oh my God!" She cut me off. "May asawa kang naiwan?!"

My brows furrowed. "Wala? Paano mo naman nasabi 'yan?"

"You said you have a woman you love?"

"Loved, Amelia. Mahal ko noon... not until she cheated on me with my brother."

Napatakip siya ng bibig. "Are you okay? How did your parents react?"

"They threw me out because I became violent towards my brother. I don't really know what happened after I left."

"Naka-move on ka na?"

I shrugged. "Maybe, maybe not. Hindi na siya sobrang sakit gaya ng dati, pero hindi ko maiwasang magalit sa kanilang lahat. Besides, I'm happy here."

"Me too," she whispered. "Masaya rin ako dito."

"It seems like we both ran away to heal, huh?"

"That should automatically make us best friends!"

I've always thought why Amelia may seem childish at times. With what she confessed, it made me realize that it might be her first time expressing happiness that she wasn't able to do when she was a child. Maybe she's so optimistic because she already had the worst and this is her first time she's experiencing life.

"Nakapasyal ka na dito sa Vizcaya?" I asked her.

Umiling siya. "Wala sa sa budget ko ang mamasyal. Maghahanap muna ako ng trabaho dahil sigurado naman akong hindi ako kayang buhayin ng natitirang pera. Kailangan ko lang maghanap ng tatanggap sa isang hindi graduate."

"Ipapasyal kita, one of these days. Don't worry about money. Sagot ko lahat."

I wasn't expecting her to jump and hug me. "Thank you, Nate!"

"Woah! Easy!"

Lumayo siya sa akin pero hindi pa rin nawawala ang malaking ngiti niya. "Ang bait mo! Baka ma-in love ako sa 'yo, bahala ka!" she joked

"Nakakatakot naman 'yan," I retorted.

"Nakakatakot? Ang alin?"

"Love."

"Are you... are you scared to love again?"

I looked at her. "I don't know. Bakit mo natanong?"

It seems as if she contemplated to answer me first, but still went on. "Kung ako lang kasi ang masususunod, sana hindi ka mawalan ng pag-asang magmahal."

"Bakit mo naman nasabi 'yan?"

"Dahil marami pang iba na baka deserve ang pagmamahal mo."

"Sino, ikaw?" I joked.

She looked embarrassed. "Masama ba kung ako?"

I suddenly felt guilty. "Amelia, that's not what I meant. I'm sorry."

"It's okay."

"No, it's not. Hindi ako nag-iisip-"

"Nate, I grew up feeling unwanted in my own home. Your words didn't bother me, I swear."

And that's what made me feel guiltier. "Amy, hindi masama kung sakaling may magmahal sa 'yo. Ako man 'yan o ibang tao."

"I know."

I stared at her. Nang siguro ay mapansin niyang hindi ako umiimik at nakatingin lang ay tinapik niya ang likod ko. "Huwag kang ma-guilty, oy! Ano ba 'yan!"

"I can't help it. I was too harsh."

Umiling siya. "Alam mo, we're friends. I know you meant well."

Tumango ako. "Alright. Sorry ulit."

"Continue painting! Huwag kang sorry nang sorry at baka umuwi na lang ako."

"Ano naman ang gagawin mo mag-isa sa bahay mo?"

She paused. "Okay, sige. Ikaw na ang nanalo. Wala naman akong laban doon."

I chuckled. "Ang bilis magbago ng mood, ah."

She pinched my mouth shut. "Mag-paint, hindi mang-asar, Nate!"