Heartless Vasiliev

Chapter Eleven

Nathaniel

TRIGGER WARNING: SUICIDAL THOUGHTS/ATTEMPT

I sold everything I had before leaving everything to live in Nueva Vizcaya. Iyong mga painting ko noon ay binenta ko sa isang art collector and I was able to finally pay for my house and the lot. I sold my car, gadgets that I own, almost everything. I had a few hundred thousand left that could sustain me for years if I spend wisely.

Pagbalik ko sa Vizcaya, occupied na ang bahay na katabi ng akin. Ilang araw din akong hindi lumabas. I felt depressed and like it was the end of everything. My mom messaged me, saying that my brother was not waking up. Celeste and the baby are okay, but also admitted to the hospital and are under strict observation. She said they might spend the rest of her months before she gives birth.

I kept blaming myself over and over. When it felt like I couldn't take it anymore, I decided to end everything. I dumped two bottle of sleeping pills on my hand and was about to take them in one go when I heard a knock on my front door.

Natauhan ako at tinapon ang mga gamot sa basurahan. I ran to the door to see who it was. It was the woman who talked to me, iyong kapitbahay ko na ngayon. What was I thinking? Hindi ito ang plano ko?

"Hi!" masigla niyang bati. "I'm your new neighbor. I'm Amelia. Gusto sana kitang imbitahan para sa frontyard dinner sa bahay ko."

I stared at her hand that is reaching out for a handshake. Kabaliktaran ko, mukhang ang saya-saya niya. She is all smiles.

"Why?" I managed to whisper.

"What do you mean why?"

"Why are you inviting me?" I remember being rude to her.

She looked around. "I just wanted to welcome myself. You know, I'm starting a new life and I want to celebrate it!"

"Why?" tanong ko ulit. "I don't see any reason to celebrate."

She giggled. "Look around you, ang daming rason para sumaya. Marami pa akong puwedeng maabot. Marami pang puwedeng makilala. Bakit naman hindi ako magiging masaya? So, pupunta ka ba?"

I shrugged. "I'll see. Hindi ko sinisiguro pero titingnan ko."

"Great! I'll be expecting you!"

Umalis siya pagkatapos. Ako naman ay umupo sa harap ng bahay ko. I didn't want to go inside because  of my attempt. Hindi ko rin alam kung ano ang pumasok sa isip ko at nagawa ko 'yon.

I saw Amelia going in and out of her house. May iilang monoblock siyang nilabas at napansin kong may buhat siyang lamesa. She was struggling and since I wasn't doing anything, I decided to help.

"Need a hand?" tanong ko nang makalapit ako.

She smiled and waved her hand. "Hi, neighbor!"

Natawa ako. Hindi pa pala ako nagpapakilala sa kaniya. "I'm Nathaniel, by the way. You can call me Nathan or Ta-, I mean, Nate."

"Oh, hi Nate! What brought you here?"

"Iyon nga. Kailangan mo ba ng tulong?"

"I'd say yes, pero nakakahiya naman. I can do it."

"It's fine," sagot ko at inalalayan siya sa lamesa. "Why do you want a frontyard dinner when we could do it inside?"

"Early dinner kasi. Besides, kapag tumagal ako rito palagi na akong sa loob kakain. That would be boring."

"Witty."

"Anyway, ilang araw kitang hindi nakita? I moved here two days ago, but you weren't around."

"I had some personal reasons to taka care of."

"Oh, okay."

There was a long silence that followed. After setting up the table, nilabas na niya ang mga pagkain.

"Ang dami, ah," I told her.

"Mag-uwi ka kung sobra."

I laughed. "No thanks. Makikikain na lang ulit ako bukas."

"Wow, you smiled!"

I was taken aback by her statement. "What do you mean by wow?"

"Well, you were rude the first time. Second, you seemed mad earlier, parang palagi kang galit. Na-amaze lang ako dahil ang guwapo mo pala kapag nakangiti. "

Tumikhim ako. "Not really."

"Oo kaya! You should smile more often. It suits you."

"Pangit ba ako kapag nakasimangot?"

"Well, not necessarily pangit, if I were in a room with strangers, I'd be scared to approach you."

I scoffed. "Wow."

Sakto namang nagdatingan ang iba pa naming kapitbahay nang matapos kaming mag-ayos. I was immediately seated as Amelia greeted them. Everyone settled around the table.

One of them pointed at me. "Oh, kapitbahay ka rin namin! Nakikita kita minsan pero hindi ko alam na nakatira ka rin pala dito. Mag-asawa kayo?"

I quickly shook my head. "Uhm, no! Doon ako sa katabing bahay," I answered, pointing to my house.

"Ah, gan'on ba? Akala ko mag-asawa kayo. Bagay pa man din kayo!"

I looked over at Amelia ang she was just as flustered as I am.

"Pero may mga asawa na ba kayo? Mamaya nagbibiruan tayo rito tapos may magalit pala?"

I subtly smiled. "I'm single."

Umupo si Amelia sa harap ko. "Ako rin, but uh, let's enjoy the dinner muna? Nate helped me, by the way."

People praised how good she is at cooking. Hindi ko rin naman maitatanggi iyon dahil talagang masarap ang mga niluto niya. After eating, nakipag-kuwentuhan pa ang iba naming mga kapitbahay. Hindi ako nakikinig dahil nakatulala lang ako.

"Nate!" dinig kong tawag ni Amelia sa akin.

"Huh? What?" Doon ko napansin na umalis na ang mga kasama namin. Ako na lang ang natira.

"Hindi ka pa ba uuwi?" she asked.

I looked around. "Uh, hindi na muna siguro. I'll help you clean up."

"Really? That's so thoughtful of you!"

"It's fine. Don't think about it."

Siya ang nagpasok ng mga natirang pagkain habang ako naman ang nag-ayos at nagligpit ng mga monoblock at lamesa. She let me sit in her dining area while she packed me some food to take home.

"I insist, okay lang," I told her.

"Sayang din kasi. I overestimated the number of our neighbors. I can always keep these in my fridge, pero masiyadong marami. You can have them for breakfast tomorrow."

I sighed as she handed me three container of different dishes. I thanked her and was about to leave when she suddenly kissed my cheek.

"What was that about?" takang tanong ko.

"Oh, sorry. It was a habit. It's my way to express my gratitude. You've been a big help, Nate."

Tumango lang ako. Naalala ko ang pagkatok niya kanina sa bahay ko. I turned to her and smiled. "Thanks, Amelia. I owe you my life."