Heartless Vasiliev

Chapter Fifteen

Nathaniel

Parang kahapon lang, bagong lipat ako rito sa Nueva Vizcaya. Parang kailan lang noong palagi akong nawawala sa sarili ko, hindi alam kung ano ang gagawin o kung may patutunguhan pa ba ang buhay ko. It all went by so fast. Tama nga ang sinasabi nila na kapag masaya ka ay nagiging mabilis ang oras.

Mag-iisang taon na rin akong nakatira dito. Just recently, Amelia decided to move in with me. We're together now and everything feels just right. Minsan nga ay napapatanong ko kung masiyado ba akong mabilis mag-move on.

"Tan, ano'ng gusto mong ulam mamaya?" tanong ni Amy, suot ang kaniyang apron dahil naghahanda na naman siyang magluto.

"Ikaw bahala. Kahit ano namang iluto mo masarap."

"Parang ako lang?"

I laughed. We've been intimate. Tanggap niyang hindi kami magkakaanak at okay lang sa kaniya iyon. 

"Huwag kang maging pilya. Tirik na tirik ang araw, oh."

Umirap siya. "Kunwari ka pang ayaw mo, bahala ka nga!"

Sumunod ako sa kaniya sa kusina. I hugged her from behind and kissed her nape. "I love you," I whispered.

"Oh, bakit naglalambing ka na ngayon?"

"Wala naman. Bawal na ba?"

She sighed. "Hindi naman."

"What's with that sigh? Is something bothering you?"

"Wala. It's a sigh of contentment. I'm just so happy that I met you, Nathaniel. Hindi ko maisip kung paano ako makakabangon kung hindi kita nakilala."

"Hindi ko rin alam kung saan ako pupulutin kung hindi kita nakilala. . . I've been thinking about it for a while. Gusto mo bang magpakasal, Amy?"

"Hmm?"

"Kahit next year. Para makapag-ipon muna tayo. What do you think? I don't have a ring with me now, but I think I have enough time to save up for it."

"It doesn't have to be expensive."

"Does that mean you're saying yes?"

"Why would I say no?"

Pareho kaming natawa sa sagot niya. Hinigpitan ko pa ang yakap sa kaniya. These times, I just feel contented. With her, I have everything I ever wanted.

"Do you want your parents to know?" biglaang tanong niya. Ilang minuto akong natahimik bago siya nagpatuloy sa pagsasalita. "You can always say no, Tan. It's our wedding and you can have a say kung sino ang mga gusto mong maimbita." 

"My parents practically disowned me. I don't know if they would want to be a part of it."

"Hindi naman sa nangingialam ako, pero wala bang chance na magkaayos kayo?"

Tumikhim ako. "Siguro sa future, puwede pa, but not now."

"Is it really that hard to forgive them? Do you still love your ex?"

“No, hindi sa gan’on ’yon. It’s just hard for me to accept that they betrayed me so easily. Hindi ibig sabihin ay mahal ko rin ang ex ko.”

“You don't have to explain yourself. Sumagi lang naman sa isip ko, eh.”

“Siguro ay nanganak na siya sa ngayon. She’s probably living her best life with my brother. Honestly? Good for her, kung gan’on man ang lagay nila ngayon.”

“Don’t hate their child, okay? Sana kapag kaya mo na silang patawarin, maging mabuti kang uncle sa bata. Alam kong mahirap din, pero wala siyang kasalanan.”

“If I ever forgive them, I’d still stay away.”

She heaved a deep sigh. “Kung iyon ang paraan para hindi ka makasakit, I think it's for the best.”

“Bakit sobrang invested ka? Is there something you wanted to share?”

“Alam mo kung ano ang nangyari sa akin, ’di ba? The thing is, I want to value family, but it’s hard. . . I think I’m just projecting. Sa nakikita ko kasi, puwede pang i-salvage ang relationship mo with your family. Am I overstepping your boundaries?”

“Well, kind of. I don't like talking about my relationship with my family. Although tanggap ko na, I still can't process it completely.”

“Sorry, Tan. Please, always tell me if I’m doing too much. These thing are new to me and I am still trying to figure things out.”

“Don’t worry. Alam ko kung kailan ka dapat sitahin. At saka, gusto ko sanang ganito ang relationship natin. I’ve learned from my past, and now I know that relationship is a crucial part of our relationship. Let’s be open to each other, okay?”

Tumango siya. “I like the sound of that.”

“Base sa mga kuwento mo, mayaman kayo, ’di ba?” she suddenly asked.

“Well, we own a company — my parents do. But I don't like to think that I am a part of that wealth. Why?”

“At magtatrabaho ka sa ibang bansa para sa akin?”

“Para sa atin naman ’yon.”

“But that’s out of your comfort zone.”

“Ano naman? Hindi naman ako titira doon. Magtatrabaho lang tapos babalik ulit ako. I want to start somewhere.”

“Paano kung hindi tayo yumaman kagaya ng sa yaman ng mga magulang mo?”

I kissed her forehead to reassure her. “Everything will be fine. Hindi ganoong yaman ang gusto. Iyong sapat lang para mabuhay tayo hanggang sa pagtanda nang walang iniisip na matinding problema sa pera ay ayos na sa akin.”

“Talaga ba?”

Tumango ako. “Oo naman. Mas gusto ko pa ring i-prioritize ang kasiyahan nating dalawa.”

Pinagpatuloy namin ang mga ginagawa namin sa kusina. We would talk about random things, especially about our future plans. Ang dami naming nasabing gusto namin. Our dream destinations, our future plans, we even considered adoption just so we could have a family. When she said she wanted to do some things alone, I went to our room. Nag-isip-isip ako tungkol sa mga napag-usapan naming dalawa lalo na iyong mga tungkol sa pamilya ko.

A part of me is hesitant about forgiving them, but a part of me is still attached to them. Hindi ko naman sila puwedeng basta-basta na lang kalimutan dahil pamilya ko sila. Mom and Dad might have shown favoritism, but they raised me well and even let me do things on my own despite their judgements.

I resented Konrad, and even hated him now, but a part of me wants to convince myself that it’s just fate. He is still my brother — the one who protected me against my childhood bullies, when everyone was making fun of me for not being sporty.

All I know is that, no matter what happens, wether I forgive them or not, at least I have Amy with me. Kahit na tinalikuran na ako ng pamilya ko, nariyan pa rin siya.

I caught myself smiling as I recall our conversation about our wedding. Hindi ko mapigilang ma-excite dahil pumayag siya. I have our whole life ahead of us planned.

But fate knows how to play. It knows how to break hearts— especially mine. Two months before our wedding, Amelia was diagnosed with stage two breast cancer.