It's been two weeks since Rad and I had sex. We talked to and promised each other that we would not put a label on our situation and explore what we want to explore. I moved in with him last week without anyone knowing.
Rad has been treating me nicely. Gigising ako na handa na ang kakainin ko. Ihahatid niya ako sa trabaho ko. I would receive lunch from him and have dinner served by the time I get home. He hasn't initiated sex for the past days, to which I am thankful for.
Today is my day off. Nasa bahay lang ako ni Rad at nagbabasa ng mga regalo niyang libro sa akin. Lumabas siya dahil may ime-meet pa raw siya, hindi niya sinabi kung sino. I don't really care kahit na ibang babae pa 'yon.
He returned home with a bag full of groceries.
"Akala ko ba may ime-meet ka?" tanong ko sa kaniya.
Tumango naman siya. "Sila na lang daw ang pupunta rito mamaya."
"Rad! Bakit naman hindi mo sinabi kaagad? Napag-usapan naman na nating hindi ako puwedeng makita ng iba rito, 'di ba?"
He hurriedly calmed me down. "Relax, darling. Puwedeng doon ka lang sa kuwarto natin mamaya. Hindi rin naman sila magtatagal dito, eh."
"And how sure are you?"
"I will make sure. Sa ayaw at sa gusto nila, aalis din sila kaagad."
I grunted and went to the kitchen. Nakasunod si Rad sa akin. He caressed my arm as he planted soft kisses on my shoulder. "Sorry na. Don't be mad at me, Celeste."
"Paanong hindi ako magagalit sa 'yo? Hindi ka ba nag-iisip? We promised to keep things lowkey. Ano 'to?"
"Hindi ko na uulitin. Promise, darling."
He kept kissing my shoulder. Dahan-dahan niya akong inikot paharap sa kaniya. He kissed my forehead.
"I'm really sorry, darling. I really am. Hindi ako nag-iisip, pero wala akong intensiyong sirain ang kasunduan natin."
Bumuntonghininga ako. "May magagawa pa ba ako? Aalis na lang ako para may oras kayo ng mga kaibigan mo.
"Alright. I'll give you money to treat yourself to a nice spa. Why don't we head to the bedroom first and relax?"
I turned to him. "Rad, kilala kita. Hindi ako naniniwala sa relax na 'yan."
"Hindi ba relaxing ang tawag doon? Releasing stress?"
"Rad!"
"Sige na, bago dumating ang mga kaibigan ko. Please?"
I groaned. "Maybe later. May mga ginagawa pa ako."
"Okay, darling. I'll be in bed."
Umalis siya habang ako naman ay nagpatuloy sa pag-aayos sa kusina. It took me almost half an hour. Bukod kasi sa pagre-restock ng groceries, nilinisan ko rin ang ibang bagay na nakakalat.
I could not help myself but think that I can see myself doing this in the future. I mean, it's not that hard dahil ginagawa ko na rin naman ito noong kami pa man ni Nathan. I can be a wife material.
As I process these thoughts, mas naiisip ko na handa na talaga akong mag-settle down. It's just that, hindi ko alam kung sino sa magkapatid ang pipiliin ko. I love Nathan with all my heart, pero nasaktan ko na siya at hindi niya kayang tuparin ang pangarap kong maging ina. Rad, on the other hand. . . kaya niyang ibigay ang lahat ng gusto ko. Kahit ang kagustuhan kong maging ina ay kaya niyang ibigay. Matututunan ko bang mahalin siya kapag lumipas ang panahon? Kung may kasiguraduhan lang, I will risk it all for a good life.
I shook all my thoughts away as I made my way to the bedroom. Prenteng nakahiga si Rad habang nakatingin sa kisame. I sat beside him.
"Ang lalim yata ng iniisip mo?" I asked.
"Wala 'to." He gave me space to lie on, with his arms as my pillow.
"Naisip ko lang, what made you like me, Rad? Bakit palagi mo akong hinahabol noon pa man?"
Natahimik siya. Mukhang ilang minuto pa niyang inisip kung ano ang isasagot niya sa tanong ko.
"I don't know how to answer that. Ang alam ko lang, gusto kita at hindi ko gustong nakikita ka kasama ang kapatid ko. I know I am better and I can do better than he can."
"Masama ba kung gusto kong ganito na lang tayo?"
"What do you mean by ganito, darling?"
"Masaya ako kasama mo. You eased my pain and I am slowly believing in you. But I don't want to get out of this comfort zone. Gusto kong ganito lang tayo. Masama ba 'yon?"
"Napansin ko, Celeste, you always say, masama ba 'yon dahil inuuna mong isipin ang opinyon ng ibang tao kaysa sa sa kasiyahan mo. Put yourself first, okay?"
I nodded. He rolled on top of me with a gentle smile. He gently brushed his lips against me.
"Can we do it?" he asked.
"Baka parating na ang mga kaibigan mo. Paano kung maabutan nila tayo?"
He checked his phone as he typed something. He shook his head. "Mamaya pa sila."
"Are you sure?"
He gave me a reassuring nod as he kissed the tip of my nose. "I promise, darling."
We started kissing. I let him do most of the things since he is good at that. He praised my body as he took off my clothes bit by bit. It felt good, especially with every touch.
He let me finish a few times before he did. I don't know how much time had passed. He asked for another round, this time, he let me on top of him. He was caressing my face and showering me with compliments as I ride him. Inayos niya ang posisyon niya, umupo siya para magkatapat ang mga mukha namin habang patuloy ako sa paggalaw. We were kissing when the door suddenly barged open.
My eyes widened as I saw Nathan looking defeated. He was the one who opened the door. I immediately got off of Rad and started to dress myself. I don't know how long I've been putting my clothes on, but it felt like forever. When I saw Nathan walking away, I realized what I had just lost. I realized what I wanted. It was him all along. His pained expression keeps flashing on my mind and all I could do is chase after him.
BINABASA MO ANG
Heartless Vasiliev
General FictionDiscovering the affair between his girlfriend and brother, Nathaniel was left devastated. In the midst of healing himself, he found a woman that loved him beyond his flaws. He left everything that once mattered to him in exchange for a life with her...
