Heartless Vasiliev

Chapter Five

Nathaniel

After our little art exhibit tour, we went to get some groceries. Since it's already near weekend, we decided not to get so much. We didn't have that much to do, so we went home. Celeste decided to continue some of her fashion designs while I scanned the magazines and fliers on where I could do my next art exhibit.

After hours of doing it, I went to the kitchen and started preparing our dinner. Before that, I asked Celeste what she wanted and she said she's craving for sinigang. I'm not the best at making it, but I still tried. I noticed how she was so quiet while eating.

"Hindi masarap?" nag-aalangang tanong ko.

Umiling naman siya. "I was just thinking of something."

I settled beside her. "Is something bothering you? It's okay to tell me."

Unti-unti siyang umiling. "No," she whispered. "No, it will not be okay. Not anytime soon, never."

Guilt slowly engulfed me. She's bothered and it's all my fault. I continued eating like I heard nothing.

"Nathan, hindi mo ba ako naririnig?" she yelled, already sobbing.

"You're just tired," sagot ko at saka tumayo. "Eat up and let's call it a day."

"No matter how hard I try ro convince myself to accept you, hindi ko maisip ang sarili ko kasama ka! Not when you can't give me a child!"

I snapped at that moment. "Is it my fault, Celeste? Tang ina, wala rin naman akong magagawa, eh!"

"You could've told me earlier! Nathan, buong-buo na ang loob kong pakasalan ka, pero sinira mo 'yon!"

"What are you saying, Celeste? That I am not qualified to be your husband? Don't you want me anymore?"

She stayed silent as she lowered her head and sobbed uncontrollably. I wanted to comfort her. I wanted to hug her, but I stopped myself.

"Kung 'yon lang pala ang habol mo sa akin— ang anakan ka, then don't get your hopes too high. You're too cruel. You're hurting me and it doesn't even bother—"

"Let's end this," she firmly said.

"W-What?"

She stood and faced me. "You're right. I am too cruel and it's not your fault you're like that. I can't imagine myself with you, Nathan, I'm sorry."

She walked out. For a few minutes, nakatulala lang ako sa kawalan. Wala ako sa tamang pag-iisip para iproseso ang lahat ng nangyari.

Makalipas ang kalahating oras na pagmumukmok, nakatanggap ako ng message galing kay Celeste.

From Love:

I'll get my things kapag wala ka sa apartment. Pasabi na lang, ha? I'm sorry, Nathan.

I took a deep breath before typing a reply.

To Love:

You can get them and spend the night here. Uuwi na lang ako sa bahay namin. But, can we at least talk about this? Love, ang tagal na natin.

From Love:

Maybe soon. Hindi pa ako handang pag-usapan ang mga bagay, Nathan. I'm still trying to process everything.

To Love:

I love you, Celeste.

Hindi na ako nakatanggap ng reply galing sa kaniya. Gusto ko sanang hintayin pa siyang bumalik para kunin ang mga gamit niya, pero alam kong magmamatigas lang siya. Kahit na masama ang loob ko, I packed up some of my things and went home to my parents’ house.

I saw kuya Konrad with a smug smile. He was in the living room with a glass of alcohol in his hand. Hindi ko na sana siya papansinin, pero tinawag niya ako.

"Oh, bakit ka umuwi? May problema ba?"

I sighed. I wasn't in the mood to talk, but confiding with my brother might help. Umupo ako sa tabi niya at inagaw ang alak sa kaniya.

"Si Celeste kasi, kuya," panimula ko. "Nalaman na niya ang sikreto ko. She. . . She broke up with me."

There was a short pause before he replied. "Oh, well. Baka hindi talaga siya para sa ’yo. It's okay, brother. May iba pa."

"Easy for you to say. You jump from one woman to another. Eh, ako? Kuya, college pa lang, mahal ko na si Celeste. ’Tang ina, siya na ang buhay ko, eh.”

Tinapik niya ang balikat ko. “Let it out, Nathan. You'll be fine."

I realized that talking to him is nonsense. Ininom ko na lang ang alak at saka siya iniwan sa sala. When I got to my room, I immediately thought of Celeste.

It's still hard to even think that she broke up with me. Hindi ko kayang isipin na mababaw ang dahilan niya dahil simula pa lang ay sinabi na niyang gusto niyang maging ina. The thing is, we can opt for different options, pero alam kong ayaw niya ’yon. It breaks my heart knowing that I can't control any of it. I may have planned our whole lives together, but for her, being a mother would be her life.

Hindi na ako makahinga at ayaw ko ring umiyak kaya mas pinili kong matulog na lang. I was hoping this would be a dream. I was wishing so hard for it to be one, but Celeste's message slapped me back to reality.

It was a picture of her things from our apartment. She informed me that she was able to get all her belongings and that I can go back now. Pagbaba ko, binati ako ni Mommy.

“Dito ka natulog, anak?" she asked.

"Opo, Mom. Pabalik na rin ako sa apartment."

"Kakain na kami. Why don't you join us for breakfast? Kasama mo ba si Celeste?"

I shook my head. Mom must've noticed that something was wrong, so she just went to the dining area. Sumunod ako sa kaniya. Kuya Rad and Dad were already seated.

I immediately regretted the moment I sat down because Dad started to berate me about not wanting to contribute to our business. Kuya studied business dahil mamanahin niya ito. I'm a fine arts graduate because that's where my passion lies.

"May mapapala ka ba sa fine arts?" galit na tanong ni Dad.

"I already held my first art exhibit. Malaking bagay na po ’yon!"

"Ang kuya Rad mo, nakapag-close ng millions worth na deal. Walang-wala ’yang art exhibit mo!"

Kuya Rad stopped Dad. "It's his passion, Dad. Hayaan mo na siya."

I left breakfast without eating. Bumalik ako sa apartment and everything just felt empty. No Celeste greeting me with a kiss, not even her things are here. I wasn't in the mood to talk to anybody. I was planning to meet her in her workplace, pero gusto kong bigyan siya ng panahon para makapag-isip-isip.

I'll take her back, but I'll let her have her space. It's the least I could do for her.