Fate/Lost Horizon [ Dogs of War]. Volume 1

Chapter Thirty Eight [ Month Two ]

[ Chapter 38 ]

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I paced up and down the halls. My footsteps and attempts to remain silent were appearing to be successful. Yet, in light of that small victory, I still, even after Merlin had left, hadn't reached an answer to my question. No, it would be better to say that the answer I had been given was one I wasn't entirely ready to accept. A familiar worry and unease were biting at me, something I was trying to ignore by distracting myself. But, with being outside the door to his study, and hearing him hum and sing to himself, I keep finding myself reaching for the door knob.

I was...going to be a mother.

I still remember Y/n's reaction. He nearly collapsed and passed out. The last time he did something like that was when I asked to have his child... Yet, when he made Merlin confirm at least three times that I was indeed pregnant...

"That fool..." I said under my breath, feeling my lips begin to curve as I continued to remember what happened a little over a month ago.

He was happy and overjoyed even, I'm sure the whole village knew by the time he was done dancing around. It honestly took away the shock I had been experiencing, replacing it with embarrassment and joy as he decided to just pick me up off my feet and spin me around. He made me feel like a princess at that moment, I never knew he could look so happy.

Ahaha... Even remembering such a thing makes me blush, it also makes me very happy. But, I guess, I'm always happy when it involves him. I'm still worried, I'm still unsure and contemplating opening the door in front of me, to get some things off my chest. But, just remembering this, is enough to calm my nerves...

RIght, looking towards the door, I can't help but feel as if there is some unknown force stopping me from opening the door. Afraid to tell him what has been bothering me. Who I am, and now, what's to come.

Merlin, you said it isn't wrong to feel this way, and that he'll love me all the same... I thought to myself, remembering what she had told me before she had departed, wishing to once again affirm what she had said before leaving. Of course, she has been coming back every week to give a report, but her visits from now on have been more professional. Never bringing up what we had discussed as if she trusts that I took her advice to heart. Which I have, but...

I need to hear what Y/n has to say as well. I continued to think. As this is why I was standing outside the door to his study. I trusted Merlin, but I couldn't say without a doubt, as from the time I had learned that there was life inside of me, to now. I find myself battling between my prior mindset, and accepting a new one, one that Merlin showed me.

"Y/n, can I come in? There's something I wanted to speak about." I said without thinking, raising my voice a bit so he would hear me. I think I had to raise my voice, I'm so nervous I feel like anything I say will be comparable to an ant's cries.

I waited a moment, part of me hoping he hadn't heard, but unfortunately for the part of me that wished to swallow everything and pretend nothing was wrong, I heard him warmly call back to me.

"Sure, I got time, so why don't ya come and give me something beautiful to look at?"

Damn it Y/n... Why does he have to say such pleasant things to me? I can only fear what our child will learn from him... Child?

Looking down, placing my right hand on my stomach, which hadn't grown even by an inch, I felt both joyed and concerned at who was growing inside me. This was Y/n's and mine's child... They haven't developed enough for us to know the gender, but I've found myself thinking up both boy and girl names from time to time, and even if some are downright horrible, I still find myself enjoying it nonetheless...