My Enigma

Chapter Six

(Auroras pov)

Of course, I didn't mean what I said, but I had to get out of there, and I get why Connor reacted that way. Still, I didn't have the energy for that, and I get it; he was hurt, and that's okay because everyone has their healing process, and the fact that he didn't understand mine sucks. It hurts that he came for me like that, but it's okay. It's life, but it doesn't mean I have to deal with it, and as I said before, I don't do confrontations.

Once I'm sure I'm out of sight, I start taking deep breaths, and the tears that were threatening to pour out dry up after several minutes of repeating the breathing exercise, the chest tightening stops, and I start walking towards the cemetery, which is approximately a fifteen-minute walk from here.

It doesn't take long for me to get there, and as I walk past the many graves, I realize not only are their departed souls but gone are their hopes and dreams; everything they ever wanted to achieve in life lies with them in those caskets, and that is sad and heartbreaking to think about.

Levi used to say "Carpe Diem," which means seize the day and make the most out of it, and the fact that he didn't get out to live out his dreams breaks my heart. He was the positive one in the family, and nothing brought him down. He had this beautiful smile that would light up the room the minute he entered it, and his energy was infectious. I could go on and on because there are not enough words in this world that are enough to describe Levi and just being here makes me miss him even more.

His grave is located at the far end of the cemetery, and when I get there, I see flowers placed on the neighboring graves, but Levis is bare; he did not really like flowers, so I sit there cross-legged and read the gravestone first like I always do.

It reads :

LEVI WILLOW

BORN ON 11TH JUNE 2002

DIED ON THE SUNRISE OF 1ST DECEMBER 2021

"HE WAS A LOVING BROTHER AND A GREAT SON.

GONE TOO SOON."

"Hey Levi. Its been exactly one month since you left us and well it has not been easy. You were my other half and honestly the world seems to have lost color since you left me .Its like now I live in a world that is just black and white , I haven't mustered up the energy to go into your room yet because I am just not ready. There are some parts of the house I avoid because they used to be where we would spend most of our time together and whenever I feel like I'm finally ready, the minute I try to take a step into it my heart aches and I end up having a a panic attack."

"You're probably thinking, panic attacks? Well yeah. I have a lot of those lately and it really sucks. I miss you Levi, I miss you so damn much and It sucks that I'm here and you're not." I say as tears start rolling down my cheeks.

"I met Hanna today, she has a pretty sweet boyfriend called Gabe and I met this guy called Luke, super hot and I can already imagine how you would have bust his balls for even talking to me but he seems nice, I cant say more than that because I just met him. I don't even know how they all met. I didn't even care to ask and normally that would've been one of the first things I would have asked. But that's the thing; I don't seem to care about lots of things lately."

"Is it wrong that I didn't care enough to ask? Everyone expects me to be fine, but how can I be? They give me pitiful glances when I walk by, and I really hate it, Levi. I do. I met Connor Today for the first time since you were laid to rest, and he was so mad that I pushed him away. I get why he is mad I do, but he doesn't know anything about my pain and the dark thoughts that keep me up at night. He didn't ask, so why would I tell? He tried to compare his pain with mine, but how could he? He has Hanna, He doesn't share my pain, and it's so wrong for him to try and assume that he does. What pissed me off, even more was that he was mad at me for coping with my grief the only way I knew how. You must think I am dumb, sitting here and just ranting and crying to you, knowing you won't answer me. Damn, what I would give to hear your voice or just hear you laugh and see that smile one last time.