I love you but you're an idiot

Amicus ad aras forever

Trigger Warning: mention of non-consensual touching (it is not described but Wooyoung talks about his feelings at the moment, if this is susceptible to trigger you please feel free not to read it, I'll put a warning emoji before and after the scene <3)

Other trigger warning: mention of stabbing (It's only one sentence but I'll put a warning before and after)

"Do you wanna talk about it?"

San asked, cautiously sitting closer on the bed next to Wooyoung. The boy had his face buried in his hands and his knees pressed to his chest. It was obvious by the way his shoulders were shaking and the sounds each of his breathings made that he was still crying. San felt terrible, not knowing how to make him feel better. He didn't dare to touch him, afraid that he would trigger him even more.

"Can we just... pretend it never happened and stop talking about it? I just wanna forget it all..."

Wooyoung choked out, trying to make his voice sound as stable as possible. But his throat was clutching each word and it was almost painful to speak. He felt like he couldn't breathe, like everything was too hard to do.

"You know, I think it would help to talk about it..."

San tried, still keeping his position. He tried to make his voice sound calm and comforting. He desperately wanted to make the younger rely on him more, in order to help him through this.

"San, you have no idea of what you are talking about. Those things stop existing if you don't talk about them, that's how it works and how it always did."

Wooyoung explained, still sobbing very loudly. San could tell that his throat was hurting a lot by the way his voice was hoarse.

"You know, when I was thirteen years old, I didn't have a lot of friends. And the few I had were only using me because of my parents' wealth. They were always asking me to buy them things and I thought I had no choice because they said that's what friends do. But I felt guilty for my parents because they genuinely thought I had fun with those guys and they were my real friends, so they always bought all the things I asked and when they would question why I didn't have the toys anymore I'd say that I lost them or broke them by accident. I hated lying to them but I hated even more the idea of telling them I had no friends and I was being bullied. Eventually, one day, I decided to stand up for myself and I said no to one of the boys who had asked me to buy him candies. He said if I didn't buy them by the end of the day it would end badly for me but I didn't take him seriously. When school ended, him and the other boys blocked me in an alley and tried to take money from me, but I had none, I said I wouldn't buy them anything because true friends don't act like that. One of the boys took out a knife and stabbed me in the leg. When they saw blood coming out from my thigh, they got scared and ran away. I limped back to home and I tried to hide the injury from my family. Because I was ashamed. I thought they would make fun of me. I thought they would be disappointed. Thought they would scold me. I wanted to clean it up myself but I was so afraid of blood that I couldn't even take off my pants. I spent the next three days trying to hide it from everyone. I pretended to be sick to stay in my bed all day, not even getting up to eat. It hurt like crazy yet I couldn't find the courage to tell it to my parents. I couldn't sleep at all, both because of my leg and because every time I closed my eyes I would remember it again and again. On the third day, my mom came to my room. She said that she knew something was wrong and she asked me to tell her what so that she could fix it. After a lot of intern struggle, I showed her my leg. She panicked a little seeing as it was still very bloody. We got my pants off and I realized that the wound was even worse than what I had imagined. It was greenish and dirty and there was fresh blood coming out of it. I was so sure my mom would scold me, but she just hugged me tightly in her arms and said "it must have hurt so bad". And it was all it took for me to burst into tears. You know Youngie, in this exact moment I realized I just needed someone to listen to me and take care of me, because I was too scared to do it on my own. So, my mom cleaned the wound and applied lotion on it, and it stinged a lot at first but eventually it passed. And she put on a bandage. Later on, she called a doctor and he sewed the wound. Then I had a lot of medical appointments about my leg, it took three months for it to heal fully. But it took me three years to get out of my house again. I got homeschooled because I was too scared to get back to school. I was too scared to be hurt again. I kept on having nightmares and even until now, whenever I looked back to my leg, I felt like I could still see the wound, the scar, and then I feel self-conscious, and it hurts. It was almost ten years ago Youngie, and I can't forget it. But with time, I healed. Because my mom kept on applying lotion and bandages. Because I had someone with whom I could talk. Because I met people who helped me. And eventually, I started practicing to become an idol, and I met all of you guys. I'm still healing nowadays, but I'm getting better and I know one day I'll be able to think about it without crying. And I want you to feel the same way. Hiding things and pretending they never happened because you are scared of what is hidden behind often ends up in a scar. You have to take care of your wound, to put lotion on it, even if it stings, you have to bandage it properly, and eventually, you'll heal from it. I won't force you to do anything at all, I'll stay by your side no matter what, I'll love you, scarred or not. I'll accompany you if you want to charge that bastard, all the way until the end. But I want you to know that, hiding it won't result in it disappearing, it'll most probably result in a very ugly greenish wound. Wooyoung, you're not to blame for anything, if anyone then that bastard is! But because life is a bitch at times, you're the one injured. I promise that if you trust me, I'll take care of it, I'll clean it, apply lotion and bandage it. I'll never leave you alone Wooyoung. I want you to take the best decision for yourself and to be able to go on with it."