Break in | Bangchan Fanfic

34.

Your face was blank. Blank and red. Red with tears that streamed down your cheeks. Those eyes though held no expressions, more like black pearls. Precious but empty.

Your hands rapidly moving in a messy handwriting on the blank page, with blank ink you continued to stain the page. Eyes that were blank, but your chest couldn't feel anymore pain.

Blood oozed out of the hand that worked through the paper madly. Tears left your eyes, as you continued crazily just writing down the words, as if nothing could control you. Blood drifted out of your palm, that had a huge gnash at it's centre. You sucked in a huge breath.

"I am sorry, I am sorry, I am sorry, I am sorry, I am sorry, I am sorry, I am sorry, I am sorry, I am sorry, I am sorry, I AM SORRY...,"

finally, the pen fell from the bloody hand, as a loud sob made you lurch over the table. Your hands coming up to cover your face, you leaned against the desk of your room, crying out loudly. Pain tore you apart, as you felt lost and sanity slowly left you. Your hand nearing your aching chest, you couldn't understand if it was death nearing you, or guilt killing you, that made your chest hurt.

You tried to keep your cries silent, the pressure of contradicting those painful sounds hurting your chest and throat all the more. A painful breath left you, as you gasped in another breath, it hurts so much.

Your room, that was beyond damaged with shards lying around and the cause huddled in a corner as if hiding from your own shadow you punished yourself for hurting him. You curled up, trying to push away the coldness that ate you away.

The chaos downstairs drowned your voices, it was youf parents anniversary. The day your family formed was the exact day you broke your  family.

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*two hours earlier*

You stepped in the cafe, with your head down. Two days still Hyunjin's voice haunted you. It was all empty since it was very late, and aside from a couple there really wasn't anyone else in the cafe. You ordered your iced americano, turning back after taking your coffee and were about to walk back out when your eyes fell on the couple and your feet halted.

Your heart clenched in your chest and for a second you had forgotten to breath. A laughing, eye crinkled Bangchan listening to whatever the lady was speaking sipped his coffeee.  His blonde hair reflected the lights, and his pale complexion just made his face look all the more heavenly. Seeing his happy face, tears stung your eyes as you bit your lips.

How could you ruin his happiness, that he had just recently found for your own selfishness?

He stood up moving to hug the lady, and that was when you got a clear look at her face. Realization dawned your face, seeing it was the model that Bangchan was rumored to have a relationship.

Bangchan, as if feeling your stare in their direction and seeing you his eyes widened. His face broke out into a grin, before a frown settled on his face looking at yours. His eyes following your site, making his eyes widened with understanding. 

He called you out, "Y/n, I--," he was cut off with you raising your hands. Your face had tears dripping down them. He tried to speak, but you cut him of with a furious gaze. Your lips lifted in a filthy sneer, fresh tears dripping out of your eyes. " I had said, 'I don't want to be a substitute, Bangchan-shi.'"  Your eyes mocked him, with tears shining in them. The girl behind him staring at you with confusion.

He froze, tears filling his eyes he shook his head whispering. "You are not a substitute, Y/nie." Your eyes moved towards the lady behind him, and a bitter smile lifted up your lips, you shook your head. Your tears dripped down your eyes as you stared at him, with a bitter, agonised smile. "Sure doesn't seem like that to me...," He shook his head stubbornly, grabbing your arm desperately. "No, no, no, Let me explai--,"

"You don't need to." Tears continuously dripped your eyes, you looked at her before looking back at him. "She is beautiful." There was a weak smile on your face, as you continued, "She seems to make you happy, isn't cold like me, would keep you and your family happy. Is cheerful, would know how to cheer you up." You gritted out the next words, "And she will love you, I won't."

You pulled your hand out of his grip, turning and about to walk away, but hands quickly wrapped around you from behind making you tense up. Large, hot drops of tears fell on your neck, and you felt him lean his head against you should, sobbing. "No..., It isn't...,no."

"I need to explain." His voice was quivering, a breathy whisper. His sob piercing straight to your chest. "You are the only beauty I see." His arms tightened around your waist, a painful breathy chuckle leaving Chan. "You are the only one who makes me so fucking happy...," His voice hurt, and desperate. His arms that kept tightening around you, almost painfully. As if you would vanish if he let you go.

And you will.

"I don't care if you are cold, I don't care if you can keep me happy, my family loves you. And as long as you are happy, I am happy love." His voice though crying, was firm. A sob leaving his lip, that made your throat clog. "I...,I don't want cheerful, I want you. Only you."

Fat tears soaked your dress's but you were coward enough to not turn around and hold him. He stated firmly, his voice cracking at the end. "I love y-you. I am ready to wait, please,  please don't leave me."

Tears stung your eyes, but dared not fall. Your emotions didn't betray the face that slowly morphed coldly,regardless of the nail that continued to dig through your palm making blood flow.

You turned around, looking at him with a sneer. His eyes bloodshot, as he stared at you desperately begging you to not leave him. Tears continuously flowing the eyes of the strong idol that always had the tendency to keep in his cries. Your heard tore at the sight, a bleeding wounded heart, and a thousand arrows injured your chest with absurd feelings.

You knew he was loyal, You always did. You had never doubted Bangchan's faith for once since the moment you entered. But a situation better that this to cut off ties..., you weren't sure you would ever find it. Hurting him now to protect him later, wouldn't that be for the better? What reason would you have to say no other than this? You didn't believe in yourself enough to stand a chance against his affection. You would break.

"I don't want to be with you. And I don't care what you feel."

Lie.

Such a big lie, but still it had the power to drag a well tall man to his knees. Without another word, Bang Christopher Chan, The century's infamous idol kneeled infront of you helplessly. The cafe staff, and the recent paparazzi that stood outside the cafe all witnessed the man on his knee.

Bangchan though, didn't even blink as tears blurred his vision. His hands holding yours almost desperately, making you flinch as he begged. "I, I am sorry, I-i am so sorry, Y/n-ie...,P-please...,Please forgive me."

Bangchan didn't knew what his fault was but if, begging would be the only resort left to make you stay, he would do it over a hundred times over and over only to make you smile. His face was filled with endless agony, as he stared up at you with so much pain in his, it killed you.

He smiled.

He fucking smiled.

It was a slow, weak smile. Brimming with sadness, as the reporters, his reputation, his career  didn't mean shit to him, as he stared up at you. "I-won't be able to live without you..., I will die, Y/nie."

Sorry Bangchan, If I stay I will die.

You walked away.
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Cringey ass shit, but I hope you enjoyed.

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