Break in | Bangchan Fanfic

39.

A groan slipped off my lips as pain blasted through my head, my eyes fluttering open at the sound of the beeping machines. I sucked in a breath in irritation, tasting copper in my mouth. I opened my eyes to a dimly lit white room.

What the fuck happened?

My body felt weak and shitty, I slowly pulled myself up. My breath stuck in my throat at the heaviness of my memories washed in on me like a bucket of cold of the water. Every muscle in my body tensed as breath lodged in my throat. Oh god, Bangchan...

I pulled myself up abruptly, when suddenly I felt something heavy resting in my hand. My head snapped down and I sucked in a breath as a shard cut through my gut.

My eyes stung, as my breath turned hollow at the redness of his cheeks and eyes. My hand clenched under his, as I saw frown marring his brows. I only seem to permanently hurt you, Chan.

His cheeks tear stained, and my heart clenched. His hand was tightly wrapped around mine, as if he didn't want to let go ever  He probably hadn't even eaten anything since last night...

I cleared my throat, pulling my hand back as the door opened. Ara and Jaehyun stood at the other side, their eyes equally puffy and their eyes widened as they saw me. I put a finger to my lips, and they clenched their lips shut. Ara already had her eyes tearing up and I grimaced. What do I do with this?

I shook my head with a blank face whispering, "Not now, he is asleep." Their expression turned agonized, but as if seeing the firmness in my face they turned back. I could hear Area's silent sobs along with silent sniffles of Jaehyun on the other side of the door and I felt as if someone had clawed my heart out.

I blinked my eyes, the truth was I didn't allow them in not for Chan, but for myself.

I couldn't face them.

Not now, not when I knew they had finally realised how big of a secret I had hid from them, not now  when I really hadn't been planning on letting them know about it until I was well six feet under the ground.

I admit to being a coward, for only if I had let them know how I was slowly dying it would mean being vulnerable. How could I be vulnerable after being the one who ran the family's lifestyle?

I had a company to run, a family to raise, Ara's graduation, Mother and Father's health care, Jaehyun's highschool..., It was all on me.

To be pitied for dying? I would rather have a lone torturous death than those eyes that suggested I was useless!

It had happened, I never wanted to be useless again. A burden to those around me. I never wanted to be a parasite.

A bitter feeling rose in my throat, where does this land me? After all this coming out, all the reasons spilling before my death...

They would suddenly feel the 'emotional' pull, cry over guilt and regret, just how Ara and Jaehyun were outside my door. All the attempts, pushing them away had gone down the drain. All futile.

Now..., My death couldn't be as painless, as mournless, as..., peaceful for them. I blinked my eyes, as my throat constricted. My eyes finding the pale face of the man whose whole face was puffy, red and swollen from crying.

My hands itching to touch his face, wipe away the tears that left his eyes even as he slept. His hand clenching tightly around mine again as he held it as if I would disappear even in his sleep.

Crack.

A tear fell from my eyes as I saw his eyes clench, more tears falling as he held on tightly. My heart broke in a Million pieces, all this while, all the pain and he stayed.