what now? // camren

chapter eight

camila had told dinah everything so dinah took the liberty to go check on lauren by herself. when she reached lauren's apartment door, there was a funny smell and loud music. she knocked on door. no answer. she knocked even harder. no answer. she banged on the door giving it a slight kick.

"dinaaaaahhh!" lauren flailed her arms up and hugged the girl in front of her.

"lauren you wreak." dinah scrunched up her nose. she pulled lauren away from the hug and looked over her. "holy shit lauren, are you high?!"

"than a kiteeeeeeeeeee." lauren laughed uncontrollable.

"do you really think camila would want to see you this?" dinah narrowed her eyes.

lauren scowled, walking away from dinah. she grabbed the blunt and inhaled it. "camila doesnt care about me." she said blowing out the smoke.

dinah fanned some of the smoke away and walked closer to lauren, of course having to moving alcohol bottles. "yes she does. she loves you so so much. she's just hurt."

"you don't think im hurt too?" lauren raised her voice as she stood up-- which cause dinah to flinch. "ive been hurting for years do you think anyway cared? NO. the only person who cared was luke. but hes dead. wanna know why? because i killed him."

"y-y-you killed luke?" dinah's eyes widened.

"yeah and you wanna know where we really were the night camila got shot? i was a mission to kill people. i then saw ally there and saved her. camila's stupid ass followed me. i didnt ask for all of this! i wish i had never kissed camila in that hallway one day." her emerald eyes were filling with tears. "i wish i never fell in love with her, i wish i could take everything back!" lauren screamed, crying harder. dinah wrapped her arm around her and tried to comfort her as much as possible as lauren kept crying. "my life could've been different. i could still have my parents... i mean look at this." she pointed to all the bottles scattered on the ground. "i couldve had a better life." she cried into dinahs shoulder.

"shhh..." dinah rubbed lauren's arm, cooing.

high lauren kept crying. "i loved her dinah...." she whispered.

"i know you do honey." dinah wiped some of her tears away.

"im such a screw up. i even hurt ally in this whole process. ally's a nice girl and she has a baby. she doesn't need me."

"what are you feelings towards ally?" dinah asked.

lauren shrugged. "i dont know. i mean, i do love ally. she makes me feel nice... but it wasnt the way camila makes me feel.." dinah nodded in understanding so lauren went on. "the kiss was really good, i mean really really good, like-

"okay lauren i get it!"

lauren nodded. "anyway, i just dont really know if i like ally in that way. she's an amazing girl, but i dont know who my heart really belongs to." lauren said truthfully. "camila said she needed time, but who knows how long thats gonna take."

dinah stroked lauren's hair as she listened. "just dont give up. when you're sober enough, i want you to go talk to them."

lauren nodded but didnt say a word. she's been in love with camila for so long-- how can they just throw that away?-- were they even throwing it away? were they just pushing each other away?

"im gonna go okay?" dinah said removing lauren off of her.

part of lauren wanted dinah to stay but she let her go.

lauren grabbed a nearby bottle of vodka and took a sip. the alcohol didn't burn her throat as much as it used to-- but it still hurt.

lauren went to her balcony with the bottle still in her hand. she looked over the scenery liking the way L.A looked at night. She then screamed at the top of her lungs and threw the bottle as far she could. she didn't know where the bottle went but then heard to sound of glass breaking.

lauren then realized that this was her life. it wouldn't change. she had signed up for this when she was 13. it was no one's fault but hers.

lauren felt empty. all the people she loved either left or betrayed her; even though she did a little betraying herself. as far as friends go- lauren had none but the girls. the trust she put in those people only to soon find out that they were there just to try and kill her. friends she been with since she was in diapers.

"fuck this..." lauren grabbed her keys and ran out her house. when things got bad, lauren did the thing she always did best.

she left.