murky waters | carl grimes¹

12. a new start

"don't tell him"

Seeing the prison full of life took a while to get used to, it also took a while to make it this way. Glenn and I, and occasionally Daryl would be gone for days. But as the prison developed into a community something changed. I was no longer allowed to go out on runs, it was too risky for a child like me, apparently. 

When more teenagers started coming in, the council decided to cut me off from "adult" duties. I was more than pissed, I hated being locked behind the walls. I knew whose doing it was, Hershel's and Sasha's. The two hated the idea of me growing up too quickly, but we were so far into this lifestyle, it was too late to turn back now. 

I loved having somewhere safe for Talia to be but I hated what it was trying to make me. 

"Lennox," Patrick beamed as I stepped into the prison yard, he stood by the fence along side Lizzie, Mika, Talia, and Carl. Lizzie, Mika, and Talia seemed to be doing their own thing and Carl and Patrick theirs. 

I gave Patrick a nod before walking up behind Talia and wrapping my arms around her. She let out a laugh spun around in my arms, "hi Lennie," she pressed a kiss onto my cheek. Before she moved away from me I heard her whisper, "Lizzie is naming them again." She pulled away, she seemed to switch from happy to concern to happy quickly. 

This wasn't the first time she'd told me about Lizzie's love for the walkers. Mika told her once that Lizzie wanted to feed them because they looked hungry. It was starting to get worrisome, I'd have to keep an eye on the younger girl. 

"And what are you guys up to today?" I asked, turning away from the younger girls. My eyes met with Carl's and I smiled. Things have been off since we almost kissed the other day. I've been nervous to speak to him and even more nervous when Patrick was around. I wouldn't know how that would play out if he were to find out. It was painfully obvious that Patrick still had a major crush on me. 

"Well I have story time later but-" Patrick started. 

"Dude, seriously?" Carl laughed. 

"I'm a child at heart," he shrugged and looked at me, "and you?"

I shrugged and kicked at the dirt, "fence duty and I told Glenn I'd help him sort through the food supplies." I left out the fact that Carl and I were going to read more comics that Michonne picked up, I didn't want Patrick asking to join us. My day sounded boring but it was like this always. 

I knew I shouldn't complain but I missed having something to that wasn't stabbing the dead in the face outside the fence. I hated having the same conversations over and over with the other volunteers about me being so young and so willing to do these things. I somehow kept it together, this life is better for Talia. 

"You going to try to convince my father to talk to Daryl again?" Carl jested, his dad must have told him how I stormed up to Daryl and demanded he allow me to go out on runs again. It didn't work well. 

Daryl and I have gotten a lot closer while in the prison, I loved that he looked after Talia like she was his. It was heartwarming and he was there for me after I killed a living person. That was back in the day now, I have killed three living people now, Glenn had witnessed them all. Daryl took care of me and I tried to look after him too, my part was a lot harder. 

"Listen, I'll get him one of these days, just you wait," I said as I started to walk away. I grinned as I ran into Carl, hitting into his shoulder. 

I headed down towards the gate to let me get to my job, Glenn opened the door for me, "running a bit late today, you're normally here as soon as the sun rises," he squinted up to see it was almost midday. 

I would admit, I stayed in bed extra long today, I was drained. "Haha, give me the damn stick," I rolled my eyes at him playfully and took the poker from him. 

And then I started doing what I have everyday for the last six months; I stabbed the walkers heads and watched as they fell to the ground. Then later, I snuck out with a group of people to collect the bodies to burn. Just like I did, every. single. day. 

Story time with Carol was something I also helped out with from time to time, and that was only because Talia told me what Carol does when the other helper went away. She was teaching them how to survive. How to use guns, how to aim, how to kill the dead. 

Whenever Talia told me I confronted Carol, I wasn't mad but I wanted in on it. She was one of the main people who taught me how to survive out there and I knew it was important for the kids to know how to as well. 

She allowed me as long as I kept it from Carl and Rick, the parents didn't know and it needed to stay that way. That I understood, after being forced to stay inside the fences I knew the council would not be too fond of this activity. 

I had lied to Carl about helping Glenn with the supplies, I didn't want to explain to him that I helped out with story time because he'd want to go. I couldn't risk him finding out about it. 

Plus it made it easier for me to help out, we didn't need to worry about the another adult wanting to help out and having to sneak around them. When I helped out the whole hour long session was pure training. 

However a day like today, one of the parents offered to help, but he always left to go smoke. We had to wait twenty minutes into the session to start to talk knives. I have lead lessons in the past, how to go out on runs and how to sneak past a group of the walkers without being caught. I made it into games so they could practice. Carol was always commenting on the fact that I could have been a teacher before all of this. 

At the twenty minute mark, he left and Carol pulled out the box of knives, she let the kid look at them. I picked up the smallest one and held it just like I would if I was trying to strike a walker.

Before we could even start, Patrick asked to leave the lesson, he was feeling ill. Despite Carl being hesitant, she allowed him to leave. We continued on, I twisted my hand around so the kids could see exactly how I was holding the knife.

"See how Lennox is holding the knife? That way she can pull it straight out of the head-" Carol stopped her eyes looked up. 

I followed her eyes to see Carl standing towards the bookshelves, "Carl, please-" Carol started before he ran off. 

I dropped the knife back into the box, "continue, I'll go talk to him," I nodded and got up. I gave Talia a thumbs up to assure her that she could stay and learn from Carol. 

I knew exactly where Carl went, back to his cell. He was the only kid to have a whole cell to himself, even I shared mine with Talia. I pushed through his privacy curtain and saw him sitting on the bed, he had the comics laid out, some of them looked like they were thrown on the floor. 

"Carl, I wanted to tell you," I started, I walked towards his bed and sat beside him, "but you'd tell Rick and then who knows what."

"He deserves to know," Carl stated, he didn't look at me. 

"And he will, maybe someday but not yet. We are just having breakthroughs with some of the kids. They need to know this stuff," I put my hand on his leg. He looked at me now. 

"Do the parents know?" He asked. 

"Do you consider me Talia's parent?" I asked and gave him a weak smile. 

He shook his head and sighed, "I'm not going to lie to my dad." 

"Just don't mention it to him," I suggested, "please." 

He was silent before he turned towards the comics. He seemed content with changing the subject so I felt like I had changed his mind. I agreed and fell onto his bed, "move over," I laughed and shoved him as he got his flashlight out. 

"Shut up and read," He fought back. 

I rolled my eyes at him and flipped the page, 

a new start for our comic superhero.