murky waters | carl grimes¹

30. exposed

"I meant to protect my people but here I am... here."

Jessie was right about her children being ready for me as soon as I entered their house. Sam and Ron had greeted us at the door and tried to pretend to be surprised that she had me with her. The majority of the day I spent inside Jessie's house playing board games with Sam and Ron, I left shortly for physical therapy with Denise but that didn't take more than an hour. They asked me questions about being out there and how I did it by myself. Deanna wanted me to keep my group on the down low just in case things went wrong so I just dodged the questions and attempted to heal my inner child by playing their silly games.

It was nice not to have to worry about the dead constantly. My only worry now was Ron's ability in dominating a Sorry board. I tried not to think about Talia or Carl or Judith, any of them really. I couldn't do anything to help even if I escaped from their walls I wouldn't get far with my injury. I was helpless once again and I had to accept that. 

I think I accepted it a bit too easily. 

Something about Jessie just made me trust them. Maybe not everyone in "Alexandria" but I trusted Jessie and I trusted her sons and I felt safe.  Half way through the day Jessie offered to take me on a tour of their community and I accepted. Sam stayed behind to work on homework, I was taken back whenever I found out they had the children and teenagers go to school that whole concept didn't seem achievable out there, but Ron joined us. 

Spencer also attempted to join us but Jessie wasn't having it. "You upset her, I am capable of handling things," Jessie had told him on her porch. 

Ron reminded me of Carl. While Ron was more laid back, they still had a lot in common. Comic books and superheroes were now in my vocabulary thanks to Carl, I was able to talk to Ron with ease. I was worried. I hadn't had much experience with people my age. Carl and Noah have been the only people near my age and I knew them too well to have to worry about things not being awkward. Being out there made things not awkward, when we are out there it didn't matter if we didn't have anything in common because we shared the need to survive. Inside the walls it was a bit more stressful. People had to like you and you had to talk to them about subjects other than the walkers or how to stay alive. 

Then there was the added pressure of trying to relate to them. Ron, Sam, and Jessie have been inside the walls since the start, a few weeks into the dead coming back they stumbled across this place and aided in building the walls. Ron didn't understand what it meant to be hungry or how lucky he was to be alive since he doesn't know how to shoot a gun. They were all so lucky- they had no skills but they were still here. 

"And that's where you were this morning," Jessie said as we passed the infirmary.

"With Dr. Jackass," I mumbled under the breath as I dug the end of the crutch into the cement sidewalk. 

"Did you just call my dad a jackass?" Ron asked. 

"Language, Ron," Jessie scolded him. 

"Pete's your father?" I scoffed and looked at Jessie. She didn't say he was her husband whenever I was complaining about him earlier today. 

Ron nodded, "he is," he looked over at his mom, "what's so funny?" he asked confused as he saw Jessie cracking up. 

"Nothing, Sweetie, let's just get back to the house," Jessie grinned at me and placed her hand on her son's shoulder. She guided him back towards their house and I followed behind them. 

I was tired. Alexandria was a fairly large place and these crutches took a lot of energy to use. Jessie also piled information onto everything, she wanted me to feel at home and that meant I needed to know everything.