𝚒 𝚍𝚞𝚌𝚔𝚒𝚗𝚏 𝚑𝚊𝚝𝚠 𝚢𝚘𝚞 || yeongyu

𝖋𝖔𝖗𝖙𝖞 𝖙𝖍𝖗𝖊𝖊

after soobin left, beomgyu had wandered out into the kitchen to try to find something to eat. his stomach was nonstop rumbling, and it was only then that he realized how little he had eaten in the last 4 days.

he always took the snacks that soobin left, but rarely got around to actually eating them. he just laid in his bed most days, either on his phone or blasting music through his earbuds to help ease the sadness.

it didn't work. but at least the music provided a sense of dissociation for the boy, allowing him to momentarily forget anything that bothered him.

so beomgyu found himself making a grilled cheese, since it was easy to make and not very much for him to eat. as he was sat at the table, stuffing the cheese filled bread into his mouth, his phone vibrated against the table. the sound made him jump, as the house was silent and he was honestly half zoned out.

beomgyu read the message that lit up the screen, his heart falling at the words.

>hey beomgyu, it's yeonjun. i wanted to check on you and let you know i'm thinking about you too.

beomgyu stared at the message until his screen turned off, his lungs subconsciously quickening their pace.

his half eaten grilled cheese was forgotten on his plate as he panicked, but had no idea why. he didn't want to panic when thinking of yeonjun, but that had been second nature for the last few days.

he couldn't stand the thought of any of his friends seeing him in such a bad stage in his life, weak and vulnerable and unable to differentiate between what was in his head, and what was real.

he knew yeonjun meant well, and he knew yeonjun was probably worried sick about him. but he couldn't bring himself to accept that fact.

being taken advantage of by xion in such a way had brought down any confidence beomgyu had in himself, which had started the entire downward spiral he was falling headfirst into.

which is how beomgyu found his fingers opening yeonjun's message, heart heavy as he purposefully didn't reply. he knew yeonjun would be worried by lack of reply, but he really couldn't bring himself to give the older false hope.

beomgyu stood and threw away the remaining half of his grilled cheese, suddenly feeling nauseous despite barely having eaten. he grabbed his phone and made his way back up to his room, going inside and grabbing a change of clothes.

he had been putting off showering since the party, and despite feeling disgusting for not showering for a few days, it was one of the things he was dreading the most. he knew he'd see the marks left, the memories that were now stitched into his mind for an eternity.

beomgyu almost wished he had someone he could shower with, because it would make facing his fear almost easier. the thought of presenting himself in front of a mirror to showcase all of the hickies almost made him want to throw up, but he knew he had to clean himself.

so he went into the bathroom and left the door open, purposefully turning away from the mirror until he felt he could face his reflection.

beomgyu took his time by neatly folding his clothes and placing them on the sink, then slinging his towel over the top of the shower curtain for better access. he kept his eyes downcast the entire time, knowing the mirror was almost taunting him.

the time had come and now beomgyu had the water running, waiting for the temperature to be to his liking. since no one was home, he decided to keep the bathroom door open the entire time, just in case he felt suffocated.

beomgyu took a deep breath and began to peel his clothes off, dropping his shirt quickly to the ground. his heart rate quickened and his eyes accidentally flicked up to the mirror, which was a big mistake.