With Pain Come Love 2

Yaya 11

I don't know what a dagger to the heart feels like but I'm pretty sure it's feels like this. On the one day I'm supposed to be the happiest and looking forward to the best news, my boyfriend tells me he still has feelings for his ex and that he is giving me space, space I did not ask for by the way but I must thank him for his honesty even though it's heart breaking but he kept it real with me so thanks for that. After he left I let the tears roll down my cheeks all the way to my crisscross legs. Why did it hurt this bad? I've had my fair share of a heartbreak and it was nothing like this, this pain is different, it's foreign to me. My father telling me shiit when we first met wasn't this painful. I don't even know how to describe what I was felling, I couldn't even breathe properly the way my heart hurt. I would have preferred him shooting me or stabbing or something because then I know that at some point the pain will go away, that kind of pain is more bareable than the one I'm feeling right now and it doesn't have a time frame of when i'll be fine. There's no bandage or plaster than can cover this pain and make it less painful. Why was he doing this to me?i thought he loved me. Did I push him too far? I have so many questions I can't even begin to answer. A while later my door opened and Ledi walked in sounding all happy. I quickly wiped the tears which just wouldn't stop coming out.
Her: honey you ok?
I nodded. Thanks to the weave covering my face from her I had a little bit of time to try wipe these stupid tears caused by stupid Melo. I was looking down as the tears wouldn't stop. I felt her index finger raise up my chin to look up at her.
Her: baby what's wrong?
There was concern in her voice. Why is it that when people ask how you are when you crying the tears feel the need to just pour out as if a tap had been open? I don't get it. The tears are supposed to stop the minute someone asks how you are. It's so not fair. I couldn't even respond, the tears responded for me. I was not fine. I was not ok. Not this time around. She pulled me in for a hug and I let it all out on her chest. Damn you Melokuhle for doing this to me on my special day. God I hate him. Ok that's a lie, I can't hate him even if I tried. It hasn't even been 3 months and here I am crying because of him. I am so screwed! I'm crying because of a guy I haven't even been with for 3 months. I'm probably the most weakest woman there is. Or maybe the right word is dumb? I'm somewhere in between those two. Dumb and weak. After what seemed like an hour, well it felt like an hour I woke up with a blanket over me and a splitting headache. Melo has turned me into something I'm not. I'm not one to cry myself to sleep. I sat up and buried my face in my hands.
"Hey"
I looked up and Ledi was coming out of the bathroom wearing a robe. She sat on the bed.
Her: want to talk about it?
I shook my head.
Her: ok. Go shower and let's go have breakfast ok.
I nodded. I got up from the bed and walked to the bathroom, I needed a bath and not a shower. I sat in the bath for an hour just sitting there not washing but thinking about what Melo had said and what response he expects of me. I was disturbed by a knock bringing me back to now.
Me: almost done
I started washing with the now cold water. When I was done I got out of the bath and drained the water then scrubbed the bath and walked out wrapped in a towel.
Her: I got you neurofen. It will help with the headache
Me: thank you
I took one and drank with water. This whole time Ledi was just watching me. It was creepy really.
Me: so tell me about last night. What did I miss?
Her: so much I don't even know where to start
Me: you'll tell me all about it at breakfast right?
Her: damn right.
Me: and where did you get Nolly?
Her: I found her at the reception last night with some blessed looking guy wethu. The dude gave her his card and told her to buy whatever she wanted
Me: I bet you all that comes with a price
Her: whatever the price may be, a black card is heavenly
Me: don't get into this life. You don't need a blesser
I was busy getting dressed and so was she
Her: just for those trips to Dubai, shopping and the basic stuff
Me: until you go missing and your dead body is found in a dumpster because you refused to be tamed.
Her: whatever mami. I will be a good girl forever
Me: I prefer you like that
I finished getting dressed in jeans, t-shirt and a black court heel. I just wanted to be simple and depressed looking with a hint of glam. Ledi wore a short red dress with a blue leather jacket and blue heels and a red handbag. The outfit was new to me, but then again one can never keep up with Naledi. We took a few pictures before heading out to meet mom downstairs. Breakfast, shopping and late lunch was fun. Took my mind away from things for a while until I was back in my own space. I figured that it was best I focus on me tonight and think of Melo's response when I am less sober, high AF and not preparing for my bug night to shine. I was only going to find out next week Friday, the first week of Feb whether or not my pictures were sold and whether or not I was leaving SA. The exhibition was more packed than expected, hopefully I sell all. You'd think there'd be less pictures of Melo but Melo's pictures are some of my best work. Him and Ledi, well there was about 3 of each and two of Melo but none where his face was showing. I hadn't seen him and I was hoping he doesn't come. I guess I spoke too soon because he was standing right next to me, claiming me as his without even doing let alone saying anything.
Him: you look beautiful
Me: thank you. You look handsome yourself
Him: you know I always aim to please
I kept stealing glances at this hot man next to me with a very strong manly scent.
Me: no. We not doing this. Not here and not now
Him: what?
Me: pretending this morning didn't happen
Him: oh
Me: we will talk about this some other time. For now please just continue giving me your so called "space"
"Wow! I didn't expect to see you here"
I turned and so did Melo, she was obviously talking to Melo and not me. She was another version of Olona, less fake though... or at least I hope so.
Him: Miranda. Hi
She pulled him in for a hug and he obviously gave into the hug to someone he might still have feelings for. Great!
Him: Mira this is my girlfriend Yandiswa, the photographer behind some of these pictures
Her: wow. Nice pictures and nice to meet you
Me: like wise. If you will please excuse me
I said walking away. I am not going to stay back and watch he who is supposed to have feelings for me alone, love me alone be busy having feelings for an old ex. I went to meet a few artists, courtesy of Taylor and some newspaper and magazine editors. I was networking and my pictures were selling like hot potatoes. Someone bought pictures of Melo, the question was who? My best bet is on this ex of his, Miranda. When the night was finally over Taylor asked to talk to me and so while people were leaving we walked around.
Him: everything ok?
Me: yeah... everything is ok. the exhibition was great
Him: imagine how much greater they will be when you have your own gallery
Me: what are you saying?
He smug'd
Him: that everyone of your pictures have been sold at a n even bigger price than set
Me: oh my God
I jumped at him and hugged him for dear life. I quickly got off him and giggled.
Me: i'm sorry
Him: it's ok. Good job and thank you for allowing me to feature your stuff. People couldn't stop talking about your pictures and I have a number of people who want to work with you, people from the right places
Me: you joking right?! Mr Meier please tell me you kidding
Him: not this time around. Good job Missy. I look forward to working with you
Me: like wise. Thank you so much
Him: thank your lecturer. I have a dinner to get to, see you around
Me: again thank you.
We shook hands and he left me standing there all excited not knowing what to do with myself. I jumped up and down squirming in excitement. I stopped and looked around for any eyes and there were none. I fixed my dress and went to fetch my clutch then walked out requesting an uber. When I got out I found Melo leaning on the wall pressing his phone. I cleared my throat and he looked up at me.
Me: you still here
Him: I was hoping we could go grab something to eat before the party.
Me: yeah sure
The uber parked in front of us, he opened the door for me and i got inside then he got in after me.
Him: you look beautiful
Me: thank you
He told the uber driver where to drop us off. He parked in front of this 5 star looking restaurant. We walked in and were escorted to a table for two by our waiter for the evening.
Me: why are we here?
Him: to eat
Me: why?
Him: to celebrate and to talk
Me: i'm way too sober to have this conversation you want to have with me and I'm not high
Him: why would you want to get drink for us to talk
Me: because Melokuhle, unlike you. I can't do this. I can't pretend that things are normal between us. I can't pretend that just this morning, the one day I was supposed to be happy without any speed bumps or something, I can't pretend that you didn't just tear my heart out after telling me you still had feelings for your ex. I'm not you. I can't pretend. I managed to hold myself together long enough to survive the night. Now, now I just want to get sloshed and "pretend" that you didn't do what you did this morning. I want to smoke some joints and get high and forget about you hurting me, even if it's for one night.
Him: I understand I was harsh this morning a...
Me: harsh? Harsh is an understatement. You say you love me and then you go on and do the exact opposite. You don't do that to someone you love. You don't rip out their heart right after telling them that you still have feelings for your ex. Melokuhle we only just started last year end November, what you expect of me in such little time is wrong and uncalled for. You have too much baggage in your psst Melokuhle and it's untrained. When I said I could deal with it I didn't expect it to be thrown at me like this. I was so willing to look past these girls but after this morning. I don't think I can, I deserve better.
I wiped my tears which were now in my cheeks. Didn't even know I was crying.
Me: I'm not the best girlfriend, I know I haven't been too trusting but Melokuhle you make it hard to trust you if you lie to me. Thank you for your honesty by the way, that much I do appreciate from you. Bye Melo.
I got up and kissed his cheek and walked out requesting an uber to take me to the hotel.