I have many favorite numbers,
they come in multitudes of plenty.
But if you ask which one I love the most,
I'd have to count to 20.
Because I have twenty different numbers,
circulating in my head.
Each number symbolizes,
days since you've been dead.
Each day is a dark reminder,
That I can no longer see your face.
I can no longer look at things which remind me of you,
when I'm sitting in my room.
6 reminds me of the hours we'd spend
talking late at night.
68 reminds me of counting ants
as we poked and prodded at the ground during playtime .
17 reminds me of the minutes venting
about the boy you like.
32 reminds me of the lists of dad jokes
that you'd tell me to make me crack.
10 reminds me of cheating in hide
and seek skipping numbers as we count down from a hundred.
And although they seem random they have special places in my heart.
And although your no longer here with me
I'll remember them in January and I'll remember them in November.
75 reminds me that despite me hating sports you'd run
till the day breaks apart.
37 reminds me of the freckles on your skin
that id count in the dark.
12 reminds me of the age we were playing in trees
with swings tied on the top branches.
8 reminds me of sweaty summers spent in your Bach,
boiling in the living room watching sappy romances.
99 reminds me of all the issues I had with you,
tiny minuscule things I hated about you.
But the number I love above all.
is the number of the smiles you've given me.
And I can't recount them all, if I would I'd be here 'til next fall.
But your most vivid smile was the one you gave me.
the day before you left me.
When you stopped shining as brightly,
when you stopped laughing at all.
It was the day you smiled so prettily,
and told me you loved me with a love that transcends
sex and romance and blood.
It was the day a week before your fall.
16 reminds me of all the times we dropped our phones,
and cracked our screens,
shrieking in laughter as we ran after one another.
25 reminds me of sitting next to you
as the teacher droned on about chemical reactions.
5 reminds me of dressing up
and going trick or treating for Halloween.
666 reminds me of staying up to 3am
whispering ghost stories in dark cupboards.
22 reminds me of dreams of us growing up together
and meeting the loves of our lives
as we became stars of the modern world.
It seems childish but I keep these numbers in a list,
writing them on crumpled paper and burning them into my retina,
into my skull.
8 reminds me of binge watching Harry Potter
and shrieking about what we would be if it wasn't make believe.
1135 reminds me of cheering you on as you ran circles around me,
flying in your saddle, as sweat dripped down my neck.
54 reminds me of spending ages in the library,
sitting in silence as we read with our backs to one another.
11 reminds me of every time we fought about our conflicting thoughts
that tangled with each other.
3 reminds me of fighting about actors we saw on the tv screen.
And I know I'll never see you again,
but I'll feel you deep inside whenever I look at the mirror,
because you were my deepest fears and my happiest moments.
I'm sorry to see you go,
but I'll remember you for all of eternity.
And I'll curse your name every March,
And I'll cry every Christmas,
And I'll laugh every time I pass your street,
And I'll beg on every shooting star I see.
Because I love you with all I am,
And I'm sorry that you couldn't do the same.
YOU ARE READING
Coherence
PoetryThis is a poetry collection that is both ever updating and ever changing. This collection of poetry isn't exactly traditional or ever a solid complete piece of prose, I am ever adding and changing and morphing them into something I feel is better or...
