Coherence

Sinner

I think myself a sinner,

a sinner born to sons of god.

My hair is fair and my eyes are light,

yet I feel deeply wrong.

My voice is colored marble,

and my skin bares no blemishes,

but when I look in the mirror I know that something's gone.

Because when you venture deep inside,

where my inner demons creep,

I find that something's wrong with me,

I know it when I cannot sleep.

I stay awake with my beating heart for company,

seeing shadows in the light,

I listen as I breathe in shallowly,

I can see him through the sweeping dark.

I know that I'm alone,

but sometimes I cannot help but feel that he's under the covers beside me.

From where I'm hiding in this tomb.

Begging to not be given away,

stolen by intrusive thoughts that come with nightfall,

creeping in and tucked away,

only stopped by holding my tongue,

and praying that my light holds him at bay.

Call me crazy for jumping at my own shadow,

but don't ignore my warning signs. 

I can't help but see horns that I know the trees haven't made,

when I walk along the footpath,

when I trip over my own two feet.

Can't help not noticing a tail of what seems to be the devil,

creeping up behind me,

stalking me through the week.

I breathe and inhale paranoia,

 don't say you haven't noticed,

I eat and drink deep desire,

 see I'm a glutton for controlling fate,

I close my eyes and the devil greets me,

 in the void that witching hour protects.

He's a mirror image, 

a complete comparison, 

a twisted painting in a lonesome frame.

He looks at me from every corner,

every shadow,

every person that's ever looked me in the eyes,

and called me by my name.

But in this void,

I know I can't escape him,

for how can I run when he holds the strings to my frozen puppet,

holds the knife to my broken wings.

And if I didn't know that he was something strange,

something wicked,

something without name.

I would think that only I was standing in this room,

at the mercy of my own self-made doom.

Because he wears my face,

and he speaks my tongue,

and when I look right at him I cannot feel my hands,

I am not the owner of my own commands.

I know that he's not right,

I know him like my own name,

he does not speak to me if he knows that I won't play his game.

We are not separate,

 and dare I say,

 we're one in the same.

He's my evil twin,

the person staring back at me,

 from his place inside of me.

I know that he's been inside my brain.

I cannot escape his gaze,

he's bewitching as much as he is insane.

He croon's songs of welcoming and of heart,

despite the fact that I can see inside his head,

 and know that they're truly dark.

Because he is talented with a silver tongue,

making circles around me with twisted skin.

 Skin he's peeled from off my chest,

from the place above my heart.

I think myself a sinner,

 because I've let the devil inside my heart.

I've not welcomed him willingly,

but I spare no thought for us to part.

He's charmed his way through my mouth,

from in my stomach,

to the pooling thoughts of

"Oh god, I think I've done it now,"

that's been collecting since I was little,

hidden away as every mistake lets my cracks widen,

widen enough for him to reach inside,

and take over complete control.

I know my parents don't understand,

and I get that my friends are waiting,

but I cannot be without him,

as I write this my hands are shaking.

He's dug his way within me,

I am not me without him,

 as he is not him without me.

We're intertwined and bizarrely,

I think I cannot live without him.

Because I know that I was born like this,

twisted and oh so wrong,

that even my parents couldn't love me,

for who would love a sinner that let themselves begin to fall?

I've signed my fate,

I've warranted my eternal rest.

I know it's a matter of time,

 before we are joined together completely,

melded into a single mind.

But I am unnerved staring at empty corners,

I am constantly looking over my back,

I cannot stand the sight of my reflection,

 yet he's always there when I fall asleep.

I anticipate that I'll wake up one day, 

and know so certainly that it's all over,

He's become me.

So beware this warning,

Heed the signs.

For I await the day when you meet him face to face.