Coherence

Grave

Haunted by the ghost of you,

I think back with trembling hands as you stand there with me in that land of desolate sands.

Your face is a blur as my memory is decaying,

I'm hallucinating you straying from the path that left us faded.

And I know you've always hated the way your name came out my mouth,

admonishing and defending the way you turned back around.

I've always loved you through everything we've done,

and even at the earliest dawn while the war kept raging on.

I loved you when you sent letters of your heart,

away to the land we're fighting to protect,

to the person that you love,

whose name does not fit my tongue.

I stayed awake at night,

dreaming of every death you could've had,

dreading the day you died in my arms.

And it would be a crime to say that it hadn't affected me the second I watched the color drain from your face.

I'm sorry for not saying it sooner,

I'm sorry for not saying it to you when we spoke face-to-face,

I'm sorry that my secret love is coming to you from above our shared mass grave.

I'm sorry that I'm saying now when our widows weep a million miles away.

I know that I'm to blame for pushing you to the turning point,

from allowing your fall from grace.

I wish the words I wished I had said hadn't gotten stuck in my throat,

I wish that the code that binds me told me hadn't said I must let you choke.

I wish I wasn't a dog,

whose master had turned away.

I was a fool to think I couldn't help you,

I just had to let myself not doubt you.

I sacrificed you to the wolves,

And let them be the product of my guilt.

I followed you without a doubt,

let myself be taken with the tide,

sweeping us out to sea.

I'm sorry that I let your son grow up without your passed-down memories.

I'm sorry my dearest friend,

my bravest soldier,

my loneliest lover.

I have let you drown,

but I cannot let you leave without me,

I couldn't let myself live without you.