It All Started With a Diary

triste

Okay, I'm sorry! I know I said these chapters would be out last night but I fell asleep while editing lmao.

Enjoy🤍!

"The shattering of a heart when being broken is the loudest quiet ever." – Caroll Bryant

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Chapter 84
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A year, I believe.

That was how long I thought I remained in this state of woe. Three-hundred and sixty five days, at the very least.

It wasn't until I finally checked my phone that I found out it had only been two weeks. Only fourteen days had passed since my soul was absolutely shattered.

Every single day slipped into the last, all fit of the same routine. Wake up, cry in my bed, possibly throw up before showering, force down the dinner Teresa left by my door every evening, then down a couple sleeping pills in order to avoid the chaos that was my mind.

It didn't take long for Raven to find out; she was dating his best friend. Her, Maggie, and Jax continued to text and call. They went to retrieve my things from his house, but I had them give it to Teresa. I didn't answer directly, I couldn't.

My only thoughts were of him. Every memory seemed to asphyxiate me until the tears began. Some time during the damage, I managed to stop crying due to the dehydration.

As if my body wanted to challenge otherwise, my eyes began to burn. I squeezed them shut, further burying my head into the pillow. Just like he did when he wanted me to think he was sleeping, though he was actually watching over me for nightmares. He always waited an extra hour before he fell asleep if he knew my anxiety was bad that day.

Losing people hurt. The feeling wasn't an unfamiliar one, not at all, but it was different this time.

This time, a part of me was gone, only leaving half of my whole. Past the numbness, all I could recall was the pain. The pain of watching him so easily break my heart, so easily give up and walk away. I felt empty.

I couldn't stay awake for more than a couple of hours without the urge to lose the contents of my stomach. My head pounded as soon as I woke up, since the memories never hesitated. They were there in my dreams, as well. He was there.

My fingers clutched around the quilt until they grew numb. I glared down at the black blanket—the one he liked to use when he was here. Shit.

I shifted so that my back was to it; I didn't want to add to my angst. If anything, I needed to burn it.

There were so many follow-ups to the pain when someone leaves, but one of the worst? The reminders.

The simplest things reminded you of what was, of what could have been. You think you're clear from the pain for a day, then that simple, flash of a reminder throws you off course entirely. That person is everywhere, and in everything. If he wasn't occupying my brain, he was in something else. If

I managed to get this week and the next off from the diner. Since my uncle was originally hesitant about my return, he allowed me this time to heal. To him, it meant physically. To me, it meant training myself to not cry in public. School would start soon after, so I needed to save my pain for my bedroom.

I always dreaded school, but this time, it was entirely different. I would have to see him every day again, and possibly sit with him. Levi sat at our table for Raven. But, I vowed to take my lunch outside if he came up, or if Levi talked about him. That was the best I could offer.