LIGHTED FEELINGS

Chapter Twenty Eight

He couldn't even bare to go in and look at her.
Right now a little girl, his little girl lays in that room oblivious to her mother being gone...
She's been deprived of her own mother and she has no idea.
Her mother will never get to hold her, never get to sing to her, never tuck her in for bed, never get to watch her grow, never be able to do anything a mother does with her child because she is gone.

Instead of going in to meet his child Adam sat with his back against the and head in his hands deep in thought.

And then, after all this, his daughter could still possibly not even make it.
He has a little girl. And he had no doubt that his little girl would look just like her mother.

We hadn't even thought about names yet. All we did was press on the topic.
Adam realized before shaking his head in disbelief.

This can't be real... this can't really all be happening can it?
This must all be some nightmare that I'm going to wake up from.
Right?
Without any hesitation Adam reached over and pinched himself in hopes that something would change.

But there was nothing.
He still sat in the large empty hall outside of the NICU.
That same sterile scent still wafted through the air, the telephones at the receptionist desk still rang without end, and then there was still the occasional sound of a baby's cry.

Though the cry was occasional that same cry went on for what seemed like an eternity to Adam.

And that occasional cry sounded like the same cry. In a way that it had gotten to the point where Adam start to believe, it was his own daughter crying out for him. It had been as if she knew that her mother was gone, and that he was all she had left.

Her mother is gone.

No goodbye... Adam realized he hadn't even gotten to say goodbye to her. He didn't get to tell her how much she loved her one last time. He didn't get enough time with her. Things had finally just started to look up for them.
They were finally giving things a try.
There were so many memories yet to be made.
With not just him, but also their child.

And now he will be having to make those memories with her alone.

Without the love of his life.
Because she's gone.
She's been taken from him forever.
And he couldn't help but think that he should've protected her.
Like it has been somehow his fault.
She didn't even get to live her last few days in happiness.

Instead, she suffered for days on end.
And it was at the hands of her own sister.
A sister that was supposed to protect her and watch out for her, did the most harm to her. She was killed at the hands of her own sister.

It all seem so hard for added to even comprehend how her sister could even do something like this.
But she did.
And now all he could think was that one day he'll have to sit down with his daughter, and explain how her mother was taken from her.
How the woman who is supposed to be her aunt took her mothers life.

But you know what that woman does not deserve that title. She will never be referred to as my child aunt because she does not deserve it.

She will forever be her mother's murderer, and nothing else.
Adam Garfield, the wheels of hate turning within him.

Hatred.
That's all he was starting to feel at the moment.
He couldn't go in to see his daughter like this.
He doesn't want his first moments with her to be filled with the hate he feels towards her mother's killer.

So, instead, Adam still sat with his back against the wall, head in his hands, feeling like his heart has been ripped out of his chest, and hatred brewing within him.

Adam knew that forgiving is the right thing. After all, it was something that Faye believed in deeply.
But he will never be able to do that. At least not now or a very, very very long time from now.
He did not ever want to forgive her because she does not deserve his forgiveness. She deserves to rot for the rest of her life.
She deserves a rot for ten times the amount of years she took from the love of his life.

It is because of her that Faye will never be able to see another birthday, rather it be her own, her daughter's, or anyone else's. Faye will never get to see another year.

And that is because her murderer took that from her.

And for that, she deserves to rot in a cell for the rest of her life.
She doesn't deserve that happy ending that she had been speaking about back at that trailer.

Adam's thought we'd all of the place spewing over in anger... but that all had been cut off when a nurse came out and approached him with a sympathetic smile on her face.

"I don't want your pitty lady".
Adam spoke up in a tone that held nothing but defeat and emptiness.

The nurse cleared her throat before speaking up.
"No I- um if you want to see your baby now we've finished running all of our tests so you should be okay to see her now."
It was obvious that Adam's comment had made the nurse uneasy and she felt a lot of remorse for this broken man that sat before her.

"Oh... okay, is she alright? Is my daughter okay?"

"She is stable and seems to be responding very well so. But she is not quite out of the woods as of yet being that she was born prematurely."

"Oh" Adam nodded again before slowly rising to his feet and following after the nurse, trying to prepare himself to see his child for the first time without the love of his life at his side.