the various chances

chapter thirty nine

Lily

I had texted Layla about my well-being, caught up with Emma and Sammy on everything and most importantly texted Jeremy about my personal errands I'd had to run yesterday for which I skipped office with Layla. Layla kept her word, not alerting Jeremy about the truth and I was much relieved about that. He'd wanted to come see me but I convinced him to let me rest by taking a day off.

I stare in front of me, the water was calm today. This was the same spot I used to visit when me and Millie first moved to New York. The lake where I feel like if I pour my heart out, my pleas or my words would go to my Mom. History and poets say that the nature of water is restless and its journey endless but at the end of the day, anyhow it reaches where it has to be and a part of me always believed that if I tell the water, it will take it to my Mom.

The white peonies were in my hand. I look down, heave a sigh and look up again. The silence on the distant side of the lake was serene, even if I could hear people in the background. I just wanted my Mom to hear me, not say anything, signal anything, and just hear me.

There was a lot to tell her, a year worth of words. But this year, I rather not speak in my mind. I just close my eyes and recall everything like a flashback. Me taking up the job offer, bumping into Jeremy and everything after it, this was like two sides of a coin, the happy floral side being Jeremy and other dark gloomy being Sanders.

There was so much shit I wanted to rant about Sanders to my Mom. I wonder how my so angelic mother felt for an asshole like him. I had no shame in calling him out, other than being my biological father he'd done nothing good for me. All he likes to do is harass us Pierce women.

I close my eyes, an image of my mother walking across the kitchen after putting up cookies in oven to me, kissing on my cheek and asking me what next I wanted to make pops up in my mind. Millie walking in, ever so regretfully picking up a freshly baked muffins and stuffing it down her mouth all at once, mom scolding her follows in.

Three of us were happy and after Mom left, we tried our best to keep things the way they were. Millie giving birth to Hannah was a chapter for us. I remember Millie's wails, me soothing a hand down her arm and hours of pain later, another loud wail but from a little Millie. I remember cutting the umbilical cord, watching Millie smiling through her tears when she held a just born Hannah close to her chest, whispering to her and then letting me hold her.

It felt like I was born yesterday and all my life happened in last 24 hours and somehow I was an adult in a day. I just sit there on the grass, letting the late morning sun shine bright on me. My mind was emptied from all the recalling but a part of it was making blueprints on how to deal with Sanders.

I swear on my Mom and Millie's name, I would not let him toy with me, not anymore.

I was determined as hell to get the shit with him settled once and for all, even if it meant I had to spend rest of the days of my life in jail. I wasn't going to mind a little blood on my hands.

My phone pings but I decide to ignore it thinking I was on my day off and didn't need anyone to disturb my time. This time it rings and Sammy's name flashes on the screen. I wasn't being rude but I didn't want my alone time to be interrupted so I ignore her call only to see messages from her and another call from her.

I answer thinking maybe there is an emergency, "Where are you, Lily?" Her voice was urgent and restless. "calm down, Sammy. What happened?"

"Answer me, Lily. Where are you?"

"I am at the lake that is near the main park across the city. What happened, Sammy?"

"Emma asked me to check upon you."