cats don't always land on their feet (soraru and mafumafu story)

12

i woke up from the sound of the floorboards outside my room. suddenly, my door started to creak open, and i saw a figure standing in the doorway.
"huh????? who's there??!" i said in fear as i sat up in bed.
"w-what? it's just me, you fool," mafumafu said annoyed.
"o-oh! sorry maf," i laughed nervously, "i'm kinda half asleep and i forgot you were staying over tonight! did you need something?"
he stood there in silence for a moment then turned and started closing my door again, "goodnight" he said.
"huh? wait-" i said getting out of bed to open the door again. as i opened it he was already entering the spare room and closing the door behind him. i rushed and opened it. we stared at each other for a moment.
"what?" he said with attitude.
"i- uh-...?" i said nervously.
mafu looked at the floor. he looked sad. much like he did back in the ferris wheel.
"mafu... it's alright.." i said, "what's bothering you? do you want to talk about something?"
he shrugged, "i don't know. it's fine." he climbed back into bed.
"hm.. well, is it alright if i stay here with you for a bit?"
he didn't say anything.
i shrugged, "alright, i'll give you your space then-"
"no.. i don't want to be alone..." he said hugging the cat plush tightly.
i nodded and closed the door slightly before climbing into bed beside him. i got under the covers that were still warm from the dryer. i pulled the covers over my shoulders, it was very comfortable.
we used to have sleepovers like this almost every weekend as kids. we'd stay up all night playing with our plushies and laughing. those were always the highlight of my week, and most of our best childhood memories were from those weekends. we haven't had a sleep over in a couple years though since we've been so busy with school work.
i looked at him but he avoided eye contact. he stared blankly at nothing while holding the cat plush. i wanted to say something but i didn't want to say the wrong thing and make him feel worse, so i stayed silent. i stared at him but then he turned to his other side so his back was facing me. i frowned and turned onto my back to look at the ceiling.

thousands of thoughts flooded my mind instantly. i wanted to talk to him and find out what was going on, but i didn't know how to do it without forcing him. i put a hand to my forehead, feeling my headache returning. i exhaled in defeat, just wanting to fall asleep. i glanced over at the clock on the wall, it was nearly 2 am. where did the time go, i thought as i scratched my head. i glanced over beside me to look at mafu. his back was still facing me so i couldn't tell if he was asleep or not. he's been quite for some time now, so he's probably asleep, but i'll stay up a little longer just in case, i thought.

about 10 minutes passed, and i had waited awake in case mafu needed anything. i sighed. i guess i'll just try to sleep now, i thought. i turned to my side so mafu and i were back to back. i closed my eyes and snuggled up with the blankets. i was really tired so i was falling asleep rather quickly.

i was half asleep when i heard a sniffle come from mafu. i didn't think anything of it at first, but then i heard it again. i opened my eyes quickly. i sat up and looked at him. i couldn't tell if he was awake or not. i leaned over him slightly to try and see his face.
"i'm sorry..." i heard him say quietly.
"huh?"
"i'm so sorry..." he said again and pulled the blankets over his face.
"you have nothing to be sorry for.. what's wrong, maf... let's talk about it," i put my hand on his shoulder and he turned onto his back.
his eyes and face were red, it looked like he was crying silently for a little while. i gasped slightly and frowned, unsure what to do or say. he sighed loudly.
"come here," i said opening my arms. he opened his eyes to look at me but didn't do anything. i waved my hands for him to sit up, and he finally did. i hugged him tightly. i felt him start trembling as though he was fighting back tears, so i rubbed his back to comfort him.
"it's alright mafu, let it all out. i'm here," i whispered.
i felt him wrap his arms around me and he started sobbing into my shoulder. i continued to comfort and reassure him. we stayed like that for a while like we did earlier by my front door, only this time was more intense. he hugged me tight and didn't want to let go.
i began tearing up too, "it's okay, mafu," was all i could say, my voice was shaky and it was hard for me to speak.
mafu noticed this and broke the hug to look at me.
his eyes widened slightly, "no, no, don't cry, soraru," he said tears still streaming down his own face.
i wiped my eyes and laughed slightly, "speak for yourself, haha"
he smiled, "i guess, aha.." he looked at my shoulder where he was crying, "oh my goodness, your sweater is soaked, i'm so sorry!"
my shoulder was all soggy from the mass amount of tears. "no, no, don't apologize, it's all good," i laughed, "i don't mind at all."
he lowered his eyebrows and frowned, staring at nothing again. i frowned too, not sure what to do. i pulled him into a hug again. he was limp and not returning the hug. i felt him leaning to the side, seemingly wanting to lay back down. i layed down, not breaking the hug. i kept him close and he weakly returned the hug and cried softly into my chest. i comforted him and didn't force him to say anything.

he eventually stopped crying but didn't break the hug. i figured if he didn't want to stay in the hug, he would've moved away, so i didn't let go until he was ready. he sniffled and hiccuped from crying so hard, and i put my hand through his fluffy white hair to comfort him. he was my bestest friend in the whole world and it broke my heart seeing him this way. we layed there for a while but he eventually broke the hug to lay on his back.
"thank you..." he said with his arm over his face.
"there's no need to thank me, really," i said looking at him.
"of course there is. you're here taking the time to care for me, even though i," he started sniffling and he took a moment to recenter himself so he didn't start crying again, "i'm sorry."
"please don't apologize, mafu, it'll all be oka-"
"it won't. it won't be okay," he said in a cold voice. he sat up in bed again and looked down at his hands. i propped myself up slightly and leaned on my elbows.
"what do you mea-"
"you're putting in all this effort to help me, but it's not gonna change anything. it's just going to hurt you more in the end and i'm sorry.. i am so so sorry..." he hugged his knees.
i sat up completely like he was and i reached to put my hand on his shoulder. as soon as my hand made contact with him, he moved away to shake my hand off him.
"mafu..."
"just stop. i don't want your help, or anyone else's. you should all distance yourselves while you still can. you can stop pretending you care now. it'll be easier for everyone if i was just left alone and forgotten about," he said with a slight crack in his voice.
i grabbed the collar of his hoodie so he could look at me.
"no, that is not true at all! there are so many people who love and care about you, mafumafu. you are never a bother to us, we want to be here to help you! we will never distance ourselves from you." i said raising my voice a little.
he avoided eye contact, "shut up, don't lie to me or yourself. you'd all just rather if i was dead-" as he said that last part, he looked at me right in the eyes, showing that he truly believed what he was saying.
"are you kidding me?! why on earth would you say that?! do you really believe that i don't want you here? we all know i wouldn't be doing this much for someone if i didn't truly care! what will it take to get some sense in you!!!" i snapped at him.
he looked at me with wide eyes, shocked from my raised my voice. he grabbed my hands which were holding onto the collar of his hoodie tightly.
"shut up!! if you truly cared, why did it take you so long to notice?! why did no one ever ask if i was doing okay?!! why did no one ever check in?!! how am i supposed to believe you when you never put in the effort before?!" mafu yelled back at me.
"i did notice, i just never knew what to say! i know it was stupid of me, and believe me, i feel awful about it!! i don't need you reminding me and making me feel worse!!" i tightened my grip on his hoodie.
"make you feel worse?!! what the hell is that supposed to mean?! you know, i'm glad you feel awful about it, you deserve to suffer a little, after the years of silent suffering i've been through!!! maybe now you'll understand how terrible it feels!" he tightened his grip on my wrist and yelled.
my eyes widened at what he said. my heart sank, and i let go of his hoodie. his face suddenly changed when he saw my eyes widen. he pushed me back and then turned away from me. his sudden force almost sent me off the bed. his back was turned to me and he gripped his head tightly. his hair filled his hands and he yelled. he started punching and hitting his legs with a lot of force.
"AAAAHHHHHHH,,, I HATE THIS I HATE THIS I HATE THIS I HATE THIS I HATE-"
"hey hey hey!! mafu!! mafu!!!!" i yelled trying to stop him from hurting himself. tears were pouring out of his eyes and he kept screaming. he punched himself repeatedly, and cried out in both emotional and physical pain.
with some force i managed to turn him to face me slightly, which resulted in him starting to hit me. he used a lot less force than he was using on himself though.
"i hate this so much.... i hate it i hate it!!!!" he collapses into my arms again, sobbing, "i'm so sorry, soraru, i'm sorry...!" he cried out.
i hugged him tightly, "please don't apologize, you did nothing wrong, it's okay. i'm here.."

***