cats don't always land on their feet (soraru and mafumafu story)

22

"MAFU!!" i shout, as i reach out and sit up in bed. i look around, catching my breath. "no.." i say putting my hand to my head. "why can't i escape it.."

i look over and grab my phone. it's just past 11 am. i have texts from amatsuki and other friends that i have no interest in reading. i turn my phone off and stare into nothing. tears flood my eyes and i punch my legs repeatedly. "WHY WHY WHY WHY WHYYY???!!!!!!" i scream out crying. i just want this pain to go away. i cant escape reality. my best friend.. is gone forever.

i hear a knock at the door. i dont budge. another knock happens, then my phone rings. it's amatsuki. i've hardly spoken to him since a few days after it happened. it's been close to a month now. i answer the phone even though i didn't want to.

"soraru.. please open the door," he says.
i stay silent.
"please soraru.. i know it's hard, we are all-"
"don't you dare say that. you have no idea. i was right there. i could've saved him," i say trying not to get angry.
amatsuki was silent now.
i continue, "i saw him, two times. my subconscious mind led me to him and i didnt do anything in time. i allowed this to happen. i am the reason hes dead."
"soraru please... its not true. we all could've done things differently to prevent this.. lets just talk about this together. when a tragedy happens we all need to stay together rather than distance ourselves... everyone has been worried sick aout yo-"
"yeah, just like you guys were 'worried sick' about mafumafu."
there's a moment of silence between us.
amatsuki speaks up after some time, "well... im leaving this at your door, its from eve, come get it sooner rather than later, it can't stay in the sun. if you want to be left alone, i get that, i wont bother you right now. me, along with everyone else, are here for you, sora. we'll get through it toge-"
"bye," i say hanging up the phone.

i sigh. i lift the blankets and search for the cat plush. i lift my pillows, shake out my blankets, and look on the floor around my bed. i scan everywhere in my room, but nothing. it was gone. confused, i plop down on my back and stare at the ceiling, and sigh. i probably should go get whatever it is amatsuki left at my door, i think to myself as i sit back up and swing my legs over the side of the bed. i walk groggily to the door. i open it slowly.
"huh..?" i say as i saw amatsuki still standing at the door.
he laughs nervously, "uh, i- wait!"
i start closing the door on him but he pushes it back open and steps inside my house.
i stare at the ground, "you said you'd leave me alone."
"yes, but i think we both know that you being alone is not the safest thing right now," he says with a worried tone, "here, its from eve," he hands me a little bag filled with fruits and a variety of little snacks.
"what's this for?" i ask.
"snacks. i stopped by sou's house on my way here, and eve was there. he wanted me to drop them off to you, to make sure you have some food to eat, even if it's just a little bit," amatsuki explains as he carries the little bag to my kitchen.
i follow him and watch him put the fruits in the fridge. we both go to sit on the couch. we are both silent.
"how is he doing?" i say breaking the silence finally.
amatsuki looks up at me then down at the ground in front of him, "he seems to be the most well-put-together out of all of us. however, sou has gone into an extreme depressive state. he doesn't leave the house or even eat anything anymore. he made a phone call to eve saying he 'couldn't do it anymore', and eve has been staying with him ever since, making sure hes eating, drinking, sleeping, and all that stuff."
"oh, man..." i say looking down as well. sou was always quite optimistic. he was always so kind and full of life. so hearing about this now, was really unsettling. "how about the others?"
"similar situations, i guess. everyone has been very distant and depressed, as expected. no one wants to accept this new reality, and i don't blame them."
"and how about you?"
"..i.. i don't know.." he hugs his knees with his eyes glued to the floor, "i cant believe he's actually gone. it feels like he's still here, he must still be here right? it's all just a lie, right?" he looks at me with tears flooding his eyes as he tries to smile, "yeah.. it's all just a joke..! if we go to mafu's house right now, he'll be there! i know he will be!" he stands up and starts walking towards the door, "he has to be.. he has to..." he falls to his knees and cries. i walk over to him and crouch down beside him. i hug him.
"i feel the same way.. i want to believe it's all a lie. i want to believe he's back at home too, smiling and cheerful as he always was.. but.." i start to tremble as my vision blurs from tears, "the site of him falling.. right within my reach.."
amatsuki looks at me and raises an eyebrow, "w-wait... you were actually there when.."
i nod. i never told anyone the story. to be fair, since it happened, i've hardly spoken or seen anyone. last time i saw my friends was at the funeral.
"i missed my bus stop on the way back home that day and found myself wandering the forest.. that's when i saw him... i called out his name and ran to try and stop him but i was too late."
"oh my goodness.. soraru..." amatsuki says with tears filling his eyes more.
i tremble, "i wish i could convince myself he's okay. but the sight of him falling.. and the feeling of holding his lifeless body in my arms.. i just-" i start to sob. amatsuki pats my back and cries too.
i wish i could just forget what happened..

***

"MAFU!!!!!!" i had reached my hand out to grab him, but i was too late.. by just a second. i nearly grabbed his arm but just missed.
i looked down over the ledge, and i saw my best friend destroyed on the ground. blood spilled out of everywhere. his legs and many bones were broken and it looked like a murder scene. i didn't even think, i just rushed off the bridge and ran down the large staircase that was on the side, skipping steps and nearly losing my footing. i ran and screamed out to mafu. i kneeled beside him, and my tears flowed from my eyes like a waterfall. i lifted his upper body and shook him slightly.
"mafu..! mafu!!! please mafu, wake up, please...!!" i cried out and i put my hand on his cheek.
he opened his eyes ever so slightly. he looked at me slowly. "s-soraru..." he mumbled out.
i gasp, "mafu!! it's gonna be okay! people will come to help! just hang on a little longer, please!! you'll be okay, you'll be okay!!!" i sobbed out. i put my fingers through his hair which was now stained red.
"soraru.. i'm so sorry..." mafumafu said with tears forming in his eyes. he slowly lifted his arm with a grunt of pain, and cupped my cheek with his bloody hand. he wiped some tears away with his thumb, "i'm sorry.."
"no, mafu, please don't apologize, it's okay! it's all gonna be okay-!"
"thank you, soraru.." he smiled ever so slightly, "i hope you can... forgive me..." he said as he slowly closed his eyes. his hand fell from my face and his body went limp.
"m-mafu..?" my eyes widen. i shake him slightly again, "mafu?! mafu please!!" i cried out.
"please no please please please..!!!! no.. please mafu.. mafu please!!! don't leave... don't leave.. please no.." i held him close to me and sobbed.
i screamed out and held his lifeless body in my arms. he was gone.

***

i explain it all to amatsuki and he hugs me tight. he keeps apologizing but there's nothing he should apologize for.

i blow my nose in a tissue and i wipe the tears from my eyes, as does amatsuki. he was right about talking it out. i feel like a weight has been lifted off my chest, and i'm so glad he's here.
"thank you amatsuki.."
"no need to thank me. i'm just glad we get to talk again. it'll all be okay."
my lip quivers as i hold back tears and nod.

***