cats don't always land on their feet (soraru and mafumafu story)

19

i layed in bed once i got home. i felt dizzy and sick to my stomach. i rushed to the bathroom and threw up in the toilet. i had hardly eaten anything so i was throwing up mainly water and bile. my overthinking made me so sick i could hardly function. i kept trying to tell myself that there was nothing to worry about, but my mind just wouldn't listen. even if there was something wrong, i felt there was nothing i could really do anyways.

i sat on the floor of the bathroom for hours, throwing up periodically.
"ughhh..." i groaned and put my hand to my forehead. it was nearly 6pm. i stood up and washed my hands and face in the sink. my face was pale and i looked quite bad. i needed some sort of food.

i went to the kitchen and warmed up a little bowl of leftover soup from when mafu was over. i ate very slowly, not wanting to throw up again.
"this is so annoying," i said.

***

i didnt sleep very well that night, but i had stopped throwing up which was good. i decided to distract myself by playing some video games and it seemed to work for the most part.

mafu wasn't at school the next day either, as expected. i stopped by his house before and after school but there was no answer. my anxiety was really getting the best of me. i kept feeling like something bad was going to happen, but i didn't know when or what.

***

the week went on and mafu didn't show up at all. nor did he answer his door or phone. i eventually stopped going to his house and calling him though. he agreed to come to me if he needed something, so i figured i'd give him a bit of space for a few days.

i started to feel numb to the anxiety and my worries. i couldn't find ways to fight them so i just gave up. i became very depressed, and i hardly talked to any of my friends at school anymore.
i guess i never realized how mafumafu became my one source of happiness. he was the reason i had friends in the first place. without him, i would've just been alone all the time, which is how i had become again.

the friend group all seemed concerned about me. they called and texted me frequently to see how i was doing, which i appreciated. they kept telling me to pass along messages to mafu since he wasn't answering their calls, but i really don't know how i was supposed to do that when he doesn't even answer me.

***

the weekend flew by and it felt like nothing happened at all, which was rather true. i sat and sulked in my room the whole time. if i wasn't sleeping, i was just staring into nothing, letting my mind wander.

the following week went the same way. mafu never showed up or said anything to anyone. i felt like i should've been worried, but i really just didn't feel anything anymore. i really didn't realize how bad i had gotten, and how i progressively got worse and worse.

the week went by slow but fast at the same time. the entire friend group had gotten pretty gloomy as well. everyone was worried about mafu but no one did anything. we didn't really know what we could do anyways.

there were some days where i'd beat myself up over the way i was acting and feeling. mafu said he was busy with stuff, so why couldn't i respect that. i couldn't get horrible ideas and thoughts out of my head. i felt like a horrible friend for thinking he was lying about being okay. and i felt even worse because i didn't do anything to try and help him. the only thing i was able to do was reassure him that i'm there if he needs anything. but that really doesn't help anybody.

***