cats don't always land on their feet (soraru and mafumafu story)

20

by the end of the second week, i had become even more numb to everything. i felt little to no emotion at all. my world became monochrome.

i still never heard from mafu. i tried calling and stopping by his place from time to time, but he'd never answer. i didn't know what to do. i spent most my time sleeping, as i didn't find any use in doing anything else. as overdramatic as it may sound, sleeping to me felt like dying, except you're not actually dead. you're still living, but you don't have to deal with your mind screaming at you or the reality around you. i was having pretty tormenting dreams the week before, but eventually just stopped dreaming all together.

after school on thursday of that week, i decided to go for a little walk around the block. my mind was flooded with thoughts and i wasn't paying attention to where i was going. i subconsciously arrived at the pathway which lead to the willow tree. i walked through it slowly. when i stepped out of the narrow pathway, i saw someone sitting at the tree.

mafumafu.

"maf-.." i began but stopped. i sighed and looked at him from a distance. he looked very deep in thought. i couldnt tell if he was crying or not from the distance i was at. maybe this is where he's been when i've tried going to his house, i thought. i turned around to walk back home, it'd probably be best to just leave him for now. if i don't hear from him tomorrow, i'll look for him here and talk to him. besides, if he's here, then it means he needs the quiet space to himself. he said he'd come to me if and when needed, i thought to myself, almost as if to convince myself it was the best solution. i really didn't want to bother him. i wouldnt know what to say if i went up to talk to him. and yes, sometimes just having company is good, but at the same time it can be very draining, and sometimes you just need to be alone. mafumafu had been isolating himself so i dont want to be the one to force him to come back. i looked back at him once more then headed through the path again.

once i got back home, i slept right until my alarm woke me up for the next day. that seemed to be the new norm.

***

i picked up my phone to silence my alarm.

5 missed calls.

i raised an eyebrow and i unlocked my phone to see who they were from.

they were all from mafumafu.

my eyes widen and my heart sinks to my stomach.
"how could i have slept through 5 calls?!" i sat up in bed. i scrolled through the notifications' time stamps. one call was made late yesterday afternoon, two in the evening, and two in the middle of the night. "this isn't good.."

i frantically dialed his number. it hung up immediately. didn't ring even once. i tried again and again. the call wasn't going through.

"he is probably on do not disturb or something.. i'll just try again later..." i said to myself nervously as i got out of bed to get ready. i felt like i should've been more worried, but honestly, it became very hard to feel any emotions at all. of course, i was worried and concerned for my best friend. and no matter how much i wanted to do something more to try and get ahold of him, the other half of me would stop me from doing it. i couldn't exactly tell the reason why though.

im not sure if it was because i knew if he needed something he'd come to me, or just because it's easier to turn a blind eye to problems that aren't your own/that you don't want to deal with... and as awful as that sounds, it is true. i had a feeling it was a mixture of both.

i stopped by his house on the way to the bus stop, but as expected, there was no answer. i told myself id check again after school, and if he's not home, ill check the willow tree.

***

i went to school and shook off my nerves. i knew i should've been doing more. i knew i shouldn't just sit and wait around for him. i just never knew how to properly act, despite wanting to help, so i just chose to stay silent.

the day flew by and i don't think i said more than 5 words to anyone. it was the weekend now and i just wanted to be home.

i sat alone on the bus. i still wasn't completely used to it, and i did still extremely lonely and worried for mafu at times, even though i tried to tell myself i didn't.

i was lost in thought. it felt like i was the only one in the world. i snapped back to reality when some kids and their mom stepped onto the bus. they were laughing and their smiles spread from cheek to cheek. i glanced at the street name, and my eyes widened. i missed my bus stop. i had no idea where i was. i quickly stood up and ran off the bus before the doors closed. i started googling bus routes and maps to figure out how far i was and when the next bus would come by. i was about 45 minutes from home. my next bus came in almost a full hour. i really did not want to wait. however, at my speed, it probably would've taken close to 2 hours to walk home. i figured i'd start walking back, and if i come across a bus going in the direction i need, i'll hop onto it. it was better than just waiting around.

***