Snk Various x Reader | Lemon

Chapter 56: Self Blame

I stood frozen at the door, watching in horror. My best friend, lover, practically family to me, was being hurt right before my eyes. I took notice of the perpetrators. They'd pushed my bar way over its limit. I stomped in shakily, my mind filled with rage and hurt. Jean, realizing I was there, pulled out of Armin and began backing up into the corner of the bed. Eren sat up, big-eyed, watching me in utmost fear. "What's going on?" I asked shakily. "Y-Y/N... w-what're you doing here?" Jean responded, stupidly. The anger inside of me began to boil. I clenched my fists and screamed, "answer the fucking question! What the hell do you think you're doing?" I stepped forward and Eren got off of the bed, making a run for the door completely naked from the waist down. I stopped him with my hand.

"Y-Y/N–"

He was cut off as I grabbed his shirt and threw him into the wall with full force. I'd lost full control of myself. All that I could feel was the feeling of rage as my fist hit his face. Blood ran out from his nose. "What the hell do you think you're doing? You call yourself a friend? I wouldn't even do that to my worst enemy! Why? Why'd you do it?" I screamed in his face. Eren stood silently, looking at me in horror. For the first time in a while, he feared his life. Eren was scared of what I'd do to him. He could tell that we were relatively equal opponents. Jean, on the other hand, had already gathered his clothes and ran out the door, leaving Armin alone in his pool of blood on the bed. 

"Are you fucking blind? Jean isn't your friend, he just ditched you, but Armin, he cared about you and took on your burdens for you! This is how you repay him? By literally sexually assaulting him. Are you serious? What's wrong with you? Your mother's probably looking down completely ashamed of you. You're a disgrace to this world!" I yelled, "I'm done with you two. He's done with you too. I will be reporting this immediately. I don't give a shit about your precious reputation or position in the army. You will pay for this and this will not be silenced."

I was beginning to feel more myself. I was in control again and I realized that he wasn't worth my time. He'd heard what I had to say so there was no point in repeating it verbatim. I let go of Eren's shirt and rushed to Armin's side. Armin lay motionless, like a rag doll. Seeing the state he was in made me cry. "Armin, I should have come with you, I'm so sorry," I wailed, sitting down beside him. Eren dropped to his knees. This couldn't be happening, he thought. He didn't just hurt Armin, his best friend, did he? Eren was paralyzed in fear. He couldn't believe what he had just done. I held Armin's face in my shaky hands and caressed his cheeks with my thumbs. "I-I'm so sorry, I shouldn't have let you go," I squealed with a hitch a the end of my sentence. Armin looked up at me with his dulled, dead eyes. Tears ran down his face, but he didn't speak. I took off my sweater and lay it over him. 

"I know it's not okay but I'm here with you."

I inched my hands underneath his thin, almost weightless body and picked him up. I carried him out the door and down the porch. All of a sudden, Eren got up and ran out after us, not even minding that he was still half-naked. "Wait!" he shouted from the porch. I stopped and looked back at him, scowling with obvious pain in my eyes. "I-I'm sorry!" he cried. It was too late for apologies. It was too late the second he decided to ever hurt Armin. I ignored him and continued to walk back to my cabin, through the forest. Eren ran after us. "Leave us alone before I beat the shit out of you," I insisted. Eren wouldn't stop following us. He felt terrible. Eren wanted to go back in time and get another chance. This couldn't be happening. "I screwed up! I-I know I'm a terrible person. Please, I'm so sorry! Just let me talk to him!" Eren whined, stumbling over some debris on the ground. I stated, "not in a lifetime. You've run out of chances."

"I-I know I've screwed up! Just one more chance, please?"

"Sexual assault isn't a screw-up, you fucking rapist."

Eren stopped and I continued walking back to my cabin at a steady pace. That's right, he was a rapist, he thought. He not only helped someone else sexually assault Armin, but he participated. He was the worst kind of evil. Armin and I were only about a minute walk away from my cabin. Thank God. Armin lazily rest his head on my chest. I gave him a look of sad sympathy and said, "we're almost back, okay?" Armin looked up at you, tired and half-lidded. 

How? He wondered how I always came to his rescue in time. Every single time. I saved him from trouble every time because he was weak, he thought. He felt like he couldn't even do anything for himself, at this point. He felt like he deserved it. After all, in his logic, if he couldn't even stand up for himself then he deserved to be treated like trash. Armin began to cry loudly. I looked down at him, clinging onto my shirt. I noticed his tied wrists, bleeding. Some of the blood rubbed onto my shirt. Armin looked up at me with heartbreak in his eyes. 

"I wanted you to be my first," he sobbed. We promised to be each other's firsts for everything. I felt terrible that that choice had been taken away from him, in a part of his life. "It's alright, Armin. That doesn't count, I promise. We still can be each other's firsts. It's all about the intention that counts. Sex is more than just a physical act, you know. Some say it's more mental than it is physical. I believe that, at least. Don't worry about that right now, that's not important. I don't want you to think about anything that's just happened. Things aren't better, so I'm not going to pretend they are, but I don't think it's healthy to let you take this on alone and sit around in your feelings. Try to keep yourself distracted with other things, at least right now," I explained. I really hoped I was giving him good advice. I'd never been in a situation like that before, and I so badly didn't want to say the wrong thing. Armin whimpered, nodded, and nuzzled back into my chest. 

We arrived at my cabin and I ran up the creaky steps. Once we got inside, pried the blanket off of my bed, lay Armin down, and placed it back over him. He winced in pain. That's right, I needed to be gentle. I'd also forgotten about the ropes around his wrists and ankles. I went to the other side of the room where some of my luggage was. I rummaged through my backpack and found a pair of nail scissors. I went back over to Armin and gently moved his arms into a position where I could cut the ropes off. After I finished with the ropes on his wrist, I moved onto his ankles. "Sorry," I apologized, not meaning to cause him any pain by removing the ropes. I sat down beside him, not touching him. I was scared to touch him, after what'd just happened. I didn't want to violate him in any way, even if I was just trying to comfort him. I didn't want to remind him of his abusers' touch. 

"Y-Y-Y/N, could you tell Eren I'm sorry?" he whispered. I was baffled. He wanted to apologize to Eren? "For what?" I asked, raising my voice. 

"I don't know. I must have done something. Could you bring him here–"

I cut him off. "No, Armin! This isn't your fault! It's completely Eren's," I told him. Even now, after all that he'd been through, he blamed himself. It was horrible. "I'm a terrible friend to him," he mumbled. I decided it wasn't worth fighting with him over something like that. After all, I wanted to keep his mind off of what'd just occurred. I looked down at him and said, "Listen, it's not you. Don't you ever think that any of what happened is your fault. Let's not talk about it right now, though. What you need are some comfort and rest. We'll skip dinner tonight. If you're hungry, we can go to my place and I'll make you something," I stated. 

"Are you sure you don't want to go to eat dinner? You must be hungry. I'm fine with staying here."

"No, I'm staying with you."

"A-Are you sure?" he checked. 

I bent down, about to give him a hug. I asked him, "is it okay if I give you a hug?" He told me it was. I hugged him, squeezing him tightly. His flesh was scolding hot. Just then, I decided I'd never leave him again.