Unexpected Journey || Hoonsuk AU

Chapter 36 : Never ending suffer

Hyunsuk now laying on the bed, facing the ceiling, put his arm on his forehead looking blankly at the spinning fan above. His body feels so numb and drained. Right after landing in the land of Australia a few minutes ago, Hyunsuk went straight to the hotel and has been laying in bed ever since. He then raised his hand, looking at his watch, it was 8 pm right now. He then started to run his hand on his stomach, feeling empty but not hungry. He just remember that he hasn't even taken food yet today. With heavy limbs, he stands up from bed. The floor is cold under him. He walks towards the table counter and takes a bottle of water, gulping half of it down in one go, filling his empty stomach. He then walks towards the big window and opens the curtain wide.

The sky is already dark. The moonlight is barely shining through the thick clouds. Now, Hyunsuk stared blankly at the dark horizon. It's just darkness. Exactly like his heart. There is an emptiness inside him, nothingness spreading. It feels like it can consume him whole. Hyunsuk doesn't feel anything anymore. Even if tears are streaming from his eyes, Hyunsuk doesn't care anymore. His body feels as if it is slowly dissolving away until nothing is left. All the emotions inside him seem to be lost. Maybe they have already gone by now. Just like Hyunsuk's life. Everything around him seems to disappear.

"Haha," he laughs bitterly, covering his face with his hands. His tears keep flowing, falling on his palms as his laugh echoes loudly. His laughter gets louder, the sound echoing again and again like the lonely voice of an abandoned man. He starts sobbing hard. A loud loud cry came out of his mouth like he lost everything in his life. The pain is excruciating like no other. He falls weakly onto his knees, clutching his chest with both hands. It hurts so much, he almost can't breathe.

"Why is it so hurt? Why do I feel like this? Hah..." He keeps on crying loudly as if he can't control his emotions anymore. The sobs come out from deep within his chest like it was tearing itself apart. Tears flow endlessly down his cheek. The emptiness continues growing like it’s expanding, engulfing Hyunsuk’s entire body. The pain slowly spreads like waves breaking into pieces.

How much longer should he endure this misery? How much more will he suffer this pain before finally giving up? And how much longer must he continue this agony? Hyunsuk wailed like he never has done before. He cried like he's been trying to hold back tears for ages. He doesn’t know who he's crying too. What is he crying about? He just keeps wailing, letting all his sorrow out until it eventually reaches its limit. Then the pain becomes too much, he collapses to the ground. He lays there, unable to move. His eyes closed, tears still streaming down his face.

The cold floor seeps into his body making him shiver. He just lay there on the cold floor, unmoving. He was tired, tired of suffering. Tired of holding himself together. Tired of fighting against this horrible fate that has been decided for him. Tired of living every day without hope. He's not sure what to think about life. This is how he usually feels. This is how Choi Hyunsuk's night always feels like. This is the pain he endures for so many years after losing Kim Jae, but why tonight does the pain hurt so much deeper than at any other time? He is so used to living such a lonely life, but why does he feel like there is some new pain, something different than the pain he is suffering every single day? Something he cannot fathom or comprehend.

He brings his hand to his chest, feeling the painful throbbing pain from inside. He just stays there, for a quiet moment, until his phone suddenly rings. Hyunsuk lazily looked at the source of the sound. Didn't even bother to pick it up.  He just lay there on the cold floor, waiting for it's stopped ringing.  The phone continues ringing for a few moments before going silent. 

He then let out a heavy sigh. He lay on his side, with his arm as his pillow, staring blankly.  He closes his eyes, ready to go to sleep. But he then hears the sound of his phone ringing again. Hyunsuk groans, slowly, he walks towards the bed, where the mobile lies. Taking the phone in his palm, he swipes the screen up, stopping the ringing. Then his phone screen showed up a note.

'La Bóhémé, 12th Nov, 10 am, Sydney Opera House.' He just stared blankly at the note.

"Uwah hyung, you're going to Australia after this?" said Jihoon loudly, shocked after he knows Hyunsuk's next destination. Hyunsuk just nodded at him and continued gulping his water. He doesn't want to talk. He's just so exhausted after racing with Jihoon.

"I wanna join you too, but sadly I can't," said Jihoon sadly and pouts slightly. Hyunsuk looks at him confusedly, not understanding what's Jihoon said. Without realizing it, he asked, "What do you mean?"

Jihoon looked at him in surprise, shocked that Hyunsuk wondering about him. He grins like an idiot. He then scratches his head awkwardly.

"Unfortunately, my photograph studio needs me," said Jihoon again quietly with a disappointed expression on his face. Hyunsuk just nod his head and continue drinking his water while throwing his glances at the sun that slowly setting in front of them, watching its orange light shine over the landscape. "Hmm Australia..."  said Jihoon absentmindedly. "Are you planning to watch opera there?"  he suddenly asks looking at Hyunsuk, who just looks back at him with surprised eyes. "...yes," said Hyunsuk hesitantly.

"Huh?! Did you already book your ticket?!" exclaimed Jihoon shockingly as he stood up abruptly and quickly rummage his phone from his back. Hyunsuk shakes his head.  "No... I thought we were buying the ticket there-"

"Hyung, give me your phone, quick!" said Jihoon impatiently. Hyunsuk immediately gave his phone to Jihoon. He looks busily scrolling down the internet, clicking stuff here and there. He even asked Hyunsuk for some of his information to book the ticket.

"Done!"  says Jihoon triumphantly showing the result. He still smiled, looking at Hyunsuk in satisfaction. The older one just stared at the screen blankly. "Then what should I do?" he asks again dumbfoundedly.

"Open your note app," said Jihoon, still smiling like crazy. Hyunsuk stares at him for a while before doing what Jihoon told. "Let me," said Jihoon.

Hyunsuk then hands the phone back to Jihoon. He just watched the younger typing something.

"Ok, I already put the note. I already set the date. So, you won't forget. Have fun!" said Jihoon happily handing back the phone to the older.

Suddenly, he let out a small chuckle. He then brings us back to the present time.  Hyunsuk looks down at his phone, reading the date. "It's tomorrow," he mutters softly, almost whispering. He then gritted his teeth.

"Is it because I get used to being with you?"