Unexpected Journey || Hoonsuk AU

Chapter 34 : Is this the end?

All of his systems feel like stop working.  His brain isn't functioning properly, the feeling is so intense and overwhelming that he can barely breathe. Everything is spinning and turning, and a sharp pain in his head is making it hard to think.

The touch on his lips is light but it sends electricity down to the tips of his toes, making him freeze completely. He always dreams to kiss the guy who is kissing him right now but when reality sets in, it’s all too real, it takes his breath away and leaves him breathless. Everything feels likes fantasy when Hyunsuk suddenly pressed his lips against his. The soft plump lips he ever dreamt of kissing are now gently planted onto his lips.

Jihoon closes his eyes and lets the feel of the other boy fill his senses, letting himself be lost in the moment. It feels like time has stopped, and no one else exists. Just them, witnessed by thousands of twinkling stars, waving ocean, and the night sky, watching as they kiss. It’s a good feeling, one that makes him want more.

He wants to deepen the kiss, wanted to taste every inch of the other's mouth, to memorize what each corner feels like. He wants to take this moment into his memory, keep it safe forever and never let go.

Suddenly, he feels a tight grip on the end of his t-shirt sleeve. He opens his eyes as Hyunsuk pulls away from him. All he can see now is the top of the older's head. Jihoon can't tell what expression Hyunsuk is having.

"Hyung..."  Jihoon calls out softly, trying to reach the hands that have been gripping his sleeve. Hyunsuk doesn't respond. Instead, he just stands there looking at the ground, his hand still firmly holding on to Jihoon’s. Suddenly the grip is tightened, making Jihoon's sleeve crumple.

Jihoon quickly changes his gaze to Hyunsuk's hand. It is shaking slightly. 
"Hyunsuk hyung?" Jihoon reaches out again trying to grab Hyunsuk's hand but he flinches away from him. Hyunsuk looks up to face him for a second, his eyes seem sad. He looks like crying but no tears fall.

"Sorry, Jihoon. As I thought I can't..."   the word hangs in the air, leaving the pair in heavy silence.

"Wait, hyung... What do you mean ?"  Jihoon asks, his voice sounding desperate, almost begging.

"I'm sorry." This time the words come out louder. "Your confession. I've been thinking about it ever since you told me you liked me but, no matter how much I think about it, my heart still can't seems to reciprocate your feelings. It's -"

"No..." Jihoon whispers interrupting the older. He shakes his head as if Hyunsuk's answer was not enough. He can't accept the fact. It feels surreal. His brain working hard, trying to understand what's going on; it's hard, too painful, and too frustrating. He feels like his heart is being squeezed painfully, breaking apart bit by bit. It hurts so bad. But he refuses to give up, to admit defeat.

"Hyung... You're kidding, right?" Jihoon's voice breaks slightly, and the corners of his eyes are starting to sting and burn with tears. He's trying his best to hold back the emotions and fight through the painful feeling.  But his resolve keeps breaking down. His vision starts getting blurry, his throat starts tightening and his heart aches. The pain becomes unbearable.

Hyunsuk just bites his lower lip, avoiding Jihoon's gaze. There's nothing he can say that will fix this mess. He can't lie or even deceive Jihoon but strange, if that what's his heart feels why does he feel so guilty? Why did his heart hurting when he was the one that rejected Jihoon?

"Why? Did I do something wrong?" Jihoon's voice sounds fragile and shaky, almost breaking as soon as he asks those questions. He tries to sound calm but deep inside, his heart is shattering and he feels like dying. Hyunsuk looks at him. He looks devastated but he can't find the right words to explain to Jihoon that he didn't do anything wrong. He just can't and then suddenly he opens his mouth.

"It's nothing like that. You're kind, gentle, and caring, you're handsome, smart, and funny. You're devoted to your job and you care about everyone around you.  You're an amazing person. There's no way you would do anything wrong," Hyunsuk's voice is filled with sincerity. He then stopped before continuing, "You're still young, Jihoon. You have lots of time to explore your feelings. There are still a lot of opportunities waiting for you. After all, don't you're afraid of what others might say about you having a relationship with an old man?"

For a second, Jihoon could feel anger rising within him. Why would he care about what others might say? His life got nothing to do with them. "Is that all your concern? We can fix it. We can move to another place and live a new life where no one knows us. We can-"

"Jihoon, stop!" Hyunsuk raised his voice and cut off his rambling. "I can't bring myself to love you. You should have given your love to someone worthy of love. Someone who could make you happy. Someone who could make you smile. I am not that kind of person. You deserve to be happy but I can't give it to you," Hyunsuk says the last part in a low tone, almost whispering.

"Is your heart already owned by someone named Jae? Is he the reason why?" suddenly,  Jihoon asks in a low, serious tone? His face has turned dark and the expression on his face shows pure hatred. The face Hyunsuk never sees Jihoon make.

"How did you..." Hyunsuk's eyes widen. How did Jihoon know about Jae? Does he talk about him with Hyuna? Impossible,  Hyuna isn't the type of person who gossips about someone's life. Hyunsuk's mind races, trying to figure out how Jihoon found out about Jae.

"Look like I'm right. You really love him, huh? He won your heart but why he leaves you alone here? Why doesn't he at your side? How come he never once called you all the time you're away from him? Why does he never once tried to contact you before? Tell me, why? Why would you give your heart to someone like him? He doesn't deserve you! He shouldn't even exist!" Jihoon's breathing heavily, the anger and hurt that was hidden behind his facade slowly coming to the surface.

Before he could even realize what he said, he suddenly felt a quick slap across his face. It wasn't hard nor it was strong but it was still quite painful. Jihoon's body froze for a few seconds, staring at Hyunsuk with shock written all over his face. When he finally snaps out of his frozen state, he finally realized what has happened. He brings his hands up to his face, rubbing the place where he has been slapped.

"Of all people, you're the last person that shouldn't talk about Jae hyung like that. You don't know him. You have the least right to say anything bad about him. You know nothing about him at all," Hyunsuk said while gritting his teeth. His jaw clenches as his whole body trembles. Jihoon just realized what he's said. He clenches his fist. Instead of comforting him, he hurt Hyunsuk. He hurt his feeling with his words.

"Hyung... I am sorry. I didn't mean all that. I just-"

"Enough. I've heard enough from you. Please leave me alone,"  Hyunsuk cuts him, not wanting to hear any more from Jihoon.

"I have nowhere to go, hyung. How about you return to the resort? You have a flight to Australia tomorrow. You should rest," said Jihoon, his voice soft, almost pleadingly. He didn't want to fight with Hyunsuk. No, he will never fight with him. If this is the end, he wants to end it nicely. He doesn't want any hard feelings between them but, why is his heart feel so heavy to let it go just like that? And he can feel the tears forming in his eyes again.

Hearing him, Hyunsuk doesn't feel any need to stay there any longer. That's what he wants. He wanted to rest in his room. He just wants to be alone. But why the thought of being alone makes him feel empty? He wants to cry but no tears fall from his eyes. He just brings his feet and walks away from Jihoon. Not even bothering to look back at him. He knows it will be futile anyway.

His feet strangely feel heavy as if it's dragging him down somewhere. He wants to leave real quick but something like holding him back.

"Hyung!" his feet stop moving right away.

"I am sorry for saying something bad about a person I don't even know but I'll never be sorry for loving you. Falling in love with you is something I will never regret. So, hyung. I'll never give up on loving you. If you can't open your heart to me, please at least respect my feeling. Choi Hyunsuk I love you," Jihoon's words echoed throughout the silent night, sending a shiver running down Hyunsuk's spine.

He stood rooted on spot, unable to move or speak. His entire body is tense, he can't bring himself to turn his head to look at Jihoon. He was afraid if he did, things will going the way he expected. He wouldn't want it. So, along with the breezy wind, he takes steps again, leaving Jihoon behind.