Unexpected Journey || Hoonsuk AU

Chapter 35 : Shattered glass

Just like that, the fragile glass that he holds very dearly, afraid it might be broken if he didn't hold it with any care,  is finally shattered into a million tiny pieces, in an instant. All at once, every single part of his body becomes as heavy and unyielding as marble blocks. He can feel himself being dragged down, down by an invisible weight, dragging him towards the deep ocean. In his mind, he sees himself screaming, drowning, unable to breathe, not able to move, not able to think.

He falls to his knees, a cry escapes him, loud, desperate, pathetic sounding. Tears run down his cheeks and drip on the ground. His chest is hurting so badly, so terribly that all he wants is to stop breathing. He brings my hand to his chest, hitting his flesh with force, hoping that the pain will go away for a little while. It doesn't. The more he hits his body, the louder his cries become.

It's painful, almost as if someone stabbed him through the chest and a second too late he realizes, that there's nothing left to hold onto. He just watches, helplessly, as the slender body, walks away, vanishing along with the darkness of night around him.

"Hyung... I'm sorry..." Jihoon chokes out between heavy sobs. Tears stream from his eyes, mixing in one big river. Everything hurts, physically and mentally. He feels numb and cold; there is only emptiness within. "I'm... so sorry..." 

Hyunsuk just walked away, tugging his coat closer over his body, without looking back. He just let his feet carry him forward until he reaches the cab that was always at the beach entrance. Just before he gets inside the car, he looks at his watch and then turns around once again. A gust of wind blow against his cheeks, bringing him back to reality. What was that he expected? His hand suddenly clenches into a fist, as he tries to control his emotions.

"Let's go?" The cab driver's voice makes Hyunsuk jolt.  He quickly nodded and got inside the car, closing the door behind him.

The entire ride back home is spent in silence. Hyunsuk can feel the tension rising to his shoulders and head, making him even more tired than he already is. The cab smoothly glides through the streets, slowly making its way through the night Bali city until they finally reach their destination. Hyunsuk gets out of the cab after paid the ride.

He then walks slowly into the resort lobby,  calling out for a buggy, to bring him directly to his room, as soon as possible. He wanted to lie down and forget about what happened tonight and pretend as if it never happened. As he finally reached his room, he pushed the button, opening the door slowly. As the door slowly swings open revealing the dark, lonely space, he enters the room and closes the door gently, locking it.

He takes off his coat and places it gently on the armrest of the chair. Without taking off his shoes, he drags his feet towards the bed and lies down on his face on top of the mattress. He stayed like that for a moment, just staring up into the darkness. Finally, he moves slightly, lying on his side facing away from the bed, facing towards the window.

"Jae hyung... It's been a while,"  Hyunsuk whispers to no one but the empty air. With a sigh, he closes his eyes and lets the tears flow freely. He hugs himself tightly, trying hard to block everything out.

"Please, bring me with you. It's so hurt but why?" Hyunsuk begs the night. For the first time in a while, Hyunsuk crying loudly, breaking down, and shaking. This is how his night used to be before he starts this trip. Then, what's the odd?  "Jae hyung..." He calls out a name that will never answer him back. The only person who could ever comfort him when everything falls apart. The one that knows exactly what to say and do to make him feel better, to give him hope and courage. But now, he isn't there, wasn't by his side. He is somewhere, far away from here a place, he couldn't possibly reach unless he stopped breathing... forever.

He continues to call and beg, for hours. He cried until his throat hurts and he could barely talk. Then, his tears gradually disappear, leaving him exhausted until exhaustion finally took over, his eyes closing for the last time, allowing sleep to take over him.

"Hyung..." Hyunsuk suddenly flinched but he couldn't bring himself to open his eyes upon hearing the familiar voice. He doesn't know what expression he will put on his face if he opens his eyes.

"I am sorry," the voice then continued. "I reflected on my wrongdoing all night long. I am selfishly hurting you when I promise myself to make you happy. To show you how much I love you but... I failed you.  I have hurt you."

A lump formed in Hyunsuk's throat as he hear him. The voice sounded sad. But no tiredness could be heard within the words just purely regrets and a sense of guilt.

"But, there is something I need you to understand. I love you dearly. It didn't even take me a long time to fall for you. You're like a muse to me, one that can never be replaced by another. And I swear to you that no matter where, or when, I will return, I will do my best to win your heart. If not in this life, then in another one, I'll make sure to make your mind," the soft, soothing tone resonates through his mind and heart. Suddenly, the sound of the phone ringing could be heard.

"Yeah. I already booked a flight. Yes. Yes. It's this morning," the sounds then faded away, along with the sounds of the clicked door. Hyunsuk opens his eyes cautiously and looked around the room. He then rises from his bed. He just noticed he is covered neatly under the blanket. The air-conditioner was on too. There's nothing on his feet. He looks around. No one. He looks beside his bed, the comforter was neatly placed, covered with nothing but the sheets and pillow on the side. The navy blue bag pack had gone too.

There's just leave him and his thoughts behind. He sighs and throws his head back on the bed, laying on his side. His eyes suddenly caught a white envelope sitting on top of the nightstand next to his bed. Curiosity won. His hand slowly picks up the note attached to the envelope. He then puts it back down, after reading the first letter, not wanting to continue further into the contents of the letter.

He then let out a heavy sigh. "Why do you love me so much, when I am this miserable?"