Hunter x Hunter oneshots

||Killuas Diary|| Intrusive thoughts

Chapter:18
Type: Angst

⚠️Major trigger warning this contains the thoughts of harming others and goes into great detail about it. If you are not mentally stable to this please move on⚠️

  Hey..
   It's been a while but I need this off of my chest.       There's times I want to kill again. Not even with a fire arm but just with my bare hands.
The thought of stomping someone's head in the ground and feel the satisfaction of their skull cracking underneath my foot. I want to punch them till my fists are bloody, I want to see blood and I want it everywhere. The room filled with blood. Blood blood blood.
I want to grab their head and slam it into the wall until my arms get tired.  I want to project all my anger on someone but I would go into a blind rage. What would Gon think of me? I don't really care about the rest but Gon.. if he looked me in the eyes after what I've done or thought of. Would he leave? He'd surly be Angry but would he ever forgive?

This thought just makes me angrier then all I want to grab my target by the shoulders and head bud them as hard as I can, not even caring about the damage I make on myself. I want their nose to break and I want to hear all of it. I want them to beg me to stop and praise me like I'm the last and only god they have. Down at my feet like the pathetic person they are. Begging for their life and I want to feel nothing, I don't want to feel any emotion I want to be calm and show them no mercy.

I feel as if I'd help them out, the world is cruel and it will get worse and worse everyday. There is no saving humanity, we just have to accept that. This of course makes me sick to my stomach but more numbness takes over everyday. As each day go by I feel myself getting colder and colder, angrier and angrier. The world is turning me into a mad man and I hope it's fucking proud, kill or be killed yeah? My father... Illumi... mom.. they made me like this! They turned me into a monster! The world! My parents!

Half these people that act tough and high and mighty haven't experienced shit, they experienced the fucking bare minimum and they still have nerve to act like they all that. They're nothing but cattle and them and their opinions will never matter, and they will be lucky to get into middle class. Hell with all of them, they all deserve to go, we all deserve to die. What humanity has become is damn near close to irreversible and I don't want my friends to go through that. It is what it is tho yah? pathetic. I'm getting the ungodly rages again and I'm loosing myself more each day. I'm feeling trapped again and I'm going to snap soon. I just hope when that time comes I have some control over it and don't hurt the people I love most. I hope I don't hurt anyone even though I want too. The second nature the family legacy has brainwashed me into, it's turning for the absolute worst and I don't know if I can catch it in time.

-Killua Zoldyck

Word count 150