My Sunflower *h.s*

59

Molly

One Year

One year of Harry. One year of ups and downs, one year of sorrow and one year of love.

Never would I have thought I'd be here a year ago.

If you told me a year ago at that bar I would end up having a baby and living with the man I had a one night stand with I would have laughed in your face. But here I am, at the same bar with the same man, our baby at home with a sitter.

The music thumped in my ear, my cup in my hand and my body moving to the beat.

Sarah and Mitch came out with us, as well as Erika and her date, Sam. Harry and I already celebrated just the two of us earlier in the day. Well, we really celebrated the whole day. Harry, as usual, had everything planned. We decided on no presents since my birthday wasn't too long ago and he gifted me way to many things. But both of us cheated by giving each other small personalized gifts. I wrote Harry a letter and he found a book that reminded him of us and wrote a little note in the cover for me. Nothing extravagant, but perfect. And before we headed out to the bar we had a perfect dinner, just the two of us, which ended in us feeding each other chocolate covered strawberries and macaroons.

But now, now is the time we decided to party with out friends. And maybe get a little sloppy drunk. End the night with the way out relationship started.

So here we are, all of us a few drinks in, the girls dancing while the boys laugh with each other and not so subtly check us out from their spots at the table. I'm swaying my hips to the music, my head a little fuzzy in the best way and my eyes closed. I told myself before I came here that I was going to fully allow myself to enjoy the evening.

Harry and I have had an amazing, but difficult, year. Especially since Isabelle. And, because I've been breast feeding I've been limiting how much I drink. But not tonight. I deserve a good night, Harry and and I both deserve a good night. So tonight, I pumped and stashed as much breast milk as I could this past week and I will pump and dump throughout the night and into the morning.

I've lost myself in the music, not even comprehending which song is on and when it switches to another song. And I don't e en care. I'm relaxed, I'm happy, and in this current moment I have no cares in the world.

In this moment, I have no worries. No stressing about Harry and how hectic our life is about to become as he continues plans for a new album. No taking care of a human who relies on you for everything. No PPD or PPA.

Nothing. Absolutely nothing.

I smile as I let my mind go blank for the first time in a long time.

I go to take a sip of my drink but frown as I come up empty, unknowingly finishing my drink who knows how long ago.

I signal to the girls I'm empty and head over to the boys, wiggling my eyebrows at my boy as I flop into the booth next to him.

"I'm empty but my boobs are not. Grab me another while I empty em?" I wave my drink in front of him with a smile and he laughs, pressing a kiss to my cheek.

"Yes, hop out." He taps my butt and I smile giving him a thank you kiss before slipping out and grabbing my bag before happily skipping to the bathroom to relieve my aching boobs.

Thankfully the restroom is mostly empty and the big stall is vacant so I slide in there, hanging my bag up and grabbing all my supplies.

I sit down on the toilet because I might as well pee while I'm in here. I scroll through my phone and hum a little song to myself, the pumps filling the empty space of the bathroom with sound.