My Sunflower *h.s*

64

Molly

It's officially August, and I'm officially staying with Sarah at the moment.

Harry and I haven't broken up, and I haven't fully moved out, but I have been staying with Sarah the past few days.

After the last fight with Harry, it sort of set in that maybe he doesn't want to be here anymore. Maybe he's not trying hard enough because he wants to leave. Which, just sent me into a deeper spiral of anxiety and pain.

The thought that Harry possibly regrets all of this and would rather be a world away from Belle and I caused me to fall into a pretty bad depression. I had shut myself off in the guest room for three days, only coming out to bring Belle into the room with me. But after those three days I couldn't bare it anymore and I left. I wrote a note and left it on his pillow and then left while he was out with Belle.

I went straight to Sarah's and cried to her for hours. Once I had calmed down she put on a movie for us and I laid in her lap half asleep. I think she thought I was asleep though because she called Mitch to let him know what was going on and that he should probably reach out to Harry. After that phone call I actually did fall asleep in her lap only to wake up to people yelling shortly after.

I couldn't hear exactly what was being said but I could hear snippets and what sounded like Harry and Mitch's voices. I kept my eyes closed as Sarah ran her hands through my hair, I assume hoping it would help me stay asleep.

I could hear Mitch telling Harry to be quiet and to go home, that they would watch the baby for him. I think I heard Mitch say that Harry was drunk and that this conversation needed to happen tomorrow. I heard Harry try to argue with him but Mitch raised his voice, something I have never seen from Mitch before. I heard him tell Harry that he was being stupid and caused this mess and that he needs to clean himself up and try to find a way to fix it.

I felt myself smile at that, it felt nice that he was on my side in this matter.

I think both Mitch and Sarah were trying their best to be friends and supportive to both of us, but after the last fight in front of them I think they both realized that Harry was at fault. I did feel slightly bad that Harry had nobody in his corner, but then again, I didn't do anything wrong.

Since then Sarah and Mitch have been great at bringing Isabelle back and forth so that way I don't have to see Harry. I'm just happy she's too young to notice something is wrong. And, although it would be terrible if Harry and I couldn't get past this, if he couldn't fix his mistake, at least she's young enough that she wouldn't know any different.

And, I do wish Harry and I could get past this. But as of right now I really don' have any hope. Harry still hasn't shown any moves to fix this, or us. As far as I know from Mitch and Sarah is that he's been showing up to the studio with Belle in the morning and he disappears to his meetings at times.

Sarah did say he looks terrible. And while I feel for him, I don't know what I could do in this situation. He needs to screw his head on straight before I go comfort him.

For now, I'm using all my strength to get through the day. If it weren't for Belle I'd probably be in bed all day, not seeing or talking to anyone.

Currently Belle is asleep in her bassinet next to my bed. Sarah and Mitch went out for the night so I decided to go to bed early. Once I got Belle down and those two were out the door I grabbed some tea and a snack and ran upstairs to get in my pjs and cozy up under the covers.

I turned on the Notebook and sighed in content, bringing the covers up the my chin and snuggled down further into the bed. I kept Belle's nightlight and sound machine on and next to her, slowly starting to fall asleep. I rolled onto my side and rest my hand on the side of the bassinet, my eyes falling heavy until my breathing evened out and everything went dark.

"Huh, what?" I woke up in a start to my phone ringing, frantically feeling around the bed for my phone.

"Fuck, fuck, where the hell is it." I squinted in the dark, running my hands along the bed to try to get a feel for it. "Don't wake up, don't wake up." I whispered frantically and sighed in relief when I found it, picking up the phone without looking at the caller ID.

"Hello?" I whispered into the phone, peaking over at the bassinet and sighing in relief to see Belle's chest moving steadily up and down.

"Molly?" My eyes went wide at the sound of his voice, regretting not looking at the caller ID. "Are you there?"

"Jesus Harry, what time is it?" I pulled the phone away from my ear, squinting at the bright light to look at the time. "It's 2 in the morning, Harry, why are you calling me?" I got out of bed, walking to the far side of the room and entering the bathroom so I wouldn't wake up the baby.

"I miss you, and Belle."

"Harry." I sighed into the phone, rubbing my face in annoyance.

"Come home, please."

"You know I can't do that." I closed the lid of the toilet, sitting down and resting my elbow on my knee.

"Please, I'm sorry. I want my girls home with me."  I heard him hiccup on the other line, his words starting to slur.

"Are you drunk?"

"I'm sorry, for everything. I really am, I didn't mean any of this."

"Harry, I gave you multiple chances to fix this." I pulled on my hair, getting frustrated with this continuous conversation that is just going in circles.

"I know, but I don't know how to fix this."

"You do, it's called cancel the tour, make the tour shorter, or push it back."

"You know I can't do that." I heard him sigh on the other end, defeat laced in the slurred words.

"You can Harry, you just don't want to."

"I do! I love the both of you, I want this to work for us."

"You don't Harry. At least not enough. I think you love us, I do, but I don't think you love us enough to change anything." I heard him sniffle and then a quiet sob sounded on the other end, followed by a drunk hiccup.

"If you really want to fix us, then you need to learn how to prioritize us."

"Molly." His voice came out in a broken plead, like it has been for the past couple weeks, and I'm getting tired of everything.

"And Harry, if you don't have anything different to tell me, please don't contact me."