My Sunflower *h.s*

32

Hang in there y'all (also this is a filler to set up for the next chapter (:)

Two months later. . .
Molly - 29 weeks pregnant

It's been two months of not speaking to or seeing Harry. The holidays have passed and despite all the warmth and love surrounding me, I felt lost and alone. And I know it's because I didn't have Harry here, but it wasn't my choice anymore.

He stopped calling after about a week passed, at first I was grateful for the silence, but then I started to worry when hardly anyone had heard from him. I started to call him, receiving his voicemail each time. This led me to calling Mitch, thinking he would know what was up.

He did, kind of.

All Mitch knew was that Harry was okay and told him he 'needed time away'. But other than that, radio silence. Apparently he wasn't even in Los Angeles anymore. But I kept calling thinking he would pick up at some point but he never did. So I started to do what he did for me when I was ignoring him.

I'd call him, tell him about my day or the baby and act like everything was fine. I listen to his voicemails all the time and I would like to think he might do the same. And this way he knows that me and the baby are okay, and whenever he's ready to talk he knows he can call. I still send him weekly bump photos, remembering that he said he wanted them. I was used to him taking them, but I knew he'd appreciate a photo of the bump, even if it wasn't that good of a photo.

After he stopped calling I took time to think and realized I may have been a little drastic by walking out on him. But I was hurt, I still am. If he calls I'll be grateful to know he's okay, but I'll still be angry at him. I haven't forgiven him yet, I don't know if I will. But at this point im willing to put things aside for the baby. I know he's going to be a good father and he should be with me while making all the decisions. I would feel awful if I named her and had her without him by my side.

I already feel awful without him by my side. . .

And knowing him, he would never forgive himself if he missed important things surrounding her.

I haven't been sleeping, which I would have been fine with if he hadn't of gotten me used to laying with him. He would always play with my hair or scratch my back until I fall asleep, and now I toss and turn all night craving his touch. Sometimes I lay in bed with my eyes closed and imagine him next to me by cuddling with a shirt of his. It worked for awhile until the shirt lost the scent of him. I didn't even realize I had shirts of his in my bag until I started to unpack. But I guess it makes sense because once my stomach started getting bigger I started wearing his shirts. They fit me better and they have the added benefit of the smell of his cologne.

I've been putting on a happy face for everyone, but they all know I'm faking it. I used to have Erica to talk to and cry to but she had to go home to see family and go back to school. She tries to call everyday but it's hard with the time zones, but I appreciate her effort. I really don't know what I would do without her by my side. 

I haven't asked her yet, but I want her to be the godmother. It didn't feel right asking her without talking to Harry about it first. I figured he'd want to discuss this before we asked anyone, even though I'm certain Mitch will be the godfather. But still, making big decisions about the baby felt wrong without him here, even if they were ultimately my decisions to make.

But I guess the nice part about being home is my mum and dad. Ever since they found out I was pregnant they've been overly involved in my life, which I understand. It's their first grand baby, of course they'll be excited. But I think part of it has to do with Norah. After she passed they lost a spark in their life, part of their hearts were ripped out and a hole was left in its place. But I think preparing for a new baby has filled that hole. Of course they'll never forget Norah, none of us will.