My Sunflower *h.s*

67

9 more chapters

Molly

Harry and I grabbed some coffee and pastries after he has decided it was best if we grab something to go and talk a walk.

Which, just made me more nervous.

Ever since he asked to talk after the doctors office I've been a bundle of nerves. My stomach is in knots and my heart has been beating twice as fast. I wish he would have just spit it out, but I think he's either waiting for the right moment, or he's trying to muster up the courage to start the conversation.

Now we're walking through a nearby park, him pushing the stroller and me cradling my iced coffee near my chest, reminding myself to take steadying breathes as we walked. Thankfully the park was mostly empty, I assume because school is back in session.

We neared a small pond with a fountain in the middle, ducks giving themselves a bath in the cool water. This is where Harry finally said something, suggesting we sit on the bench facing the water. I nodded, settling on the bench while he adjusted Belle's strolled so that way it was flush against the bench and we could see her.

We sat in silence for a while, and not a comfortable one on my end. I was fidgeting in my seat, adjusting my clothing, my hair, and my coffee cup, picking at the pastry I chose. Not even really eating it at this point. I threw a piece of it towards the ducks, watching as one of them quickly grabbed it.

Harry cleared his throat and I saw him shift his body towards me in my peripheral vision. I glanced at him briefly before settling my eyes on Belle, deciding to keep myself busy watching her watch the world around her.

"Uhm, how are you?" I held in the instinct to scoff and roll my eyes, instead sighing slightly and responding.

"I'm fine."

"That's good."

We fell into silence again, and based on the start of this conversation I can now safely assume he needed to work up the courage to start this conversation. The thought of that sent me into a deeper spiral, images of late nights by myself and long days being a single mom flashing through my mind.

No. Don't do that.

I forced myself to push those thoughts away, at least until I knew exactly what he was telling me.

"So,"

"Harry," We both spoke at the same time, my mouth clamping shut before we both started urging the other to talk. Harry pushing more so than me, he sat back letting me finish my sentence.

"What did you need to talk about?" I jumped right in, not wanting to draw this out any longer, especially if this conversation was going to have a negative ending.

He looked slightly taken aback by my tone, or maybe my straight forward question, either way, his eyes told me he didn't want to get into this that quick, but he schooled his features and sighed, crossing one leg over the other. I focused my eyes back on the happy baby in front of us, the baby who has know idea what is happening right above her.

"So, I've been having meetings with my team, pretty much everyday, maybe multiple times a day."

I nodded my head, "so I've heard." I heard him sigh again.

"I've been going over everything in my head, going over everything with them, figuring out what to do to make everyone involved happy." He shifted again, Isabelle cooing and playing with a rattle toy filling the silence in the pause.

"So many different ideas have been thrown around, from my team, from me, from Sarah and Mitch." He ran a hand through his hair. "But it seems that everyone has settled on two options. And I dont know which is best. I know what I want, what I wish for... but I don't think if it's what best." He paused again to take a breath.

"I know what I want, but what I want doesn't matter if it ruins what we have here." I could feel him looking at me, but I kept my focus forward, worried if I would look at him and see his face, all my emotions that I've been suppressing would bubble up to the surface.

"I know I've been selfish, everyone's on the same page about that, I can assure you." He laughed a little, but it was more of a dry, annoyed laugh that came out more as a mix of a huff and a scoff. "I know I've been selfish. But I just, I worked so hard for this. This is all I've done since I was 16, this is all I've wanted since I was 16, you know that. Everyone knows that." He took a deep steadying breath, his arms waving around and his voice started to sound frustrated. "I've finally made it on my own, something I never thought I would be able to do after doing so well in the band. And the thought of giving it all up, just like that, was a hard pill to swallow. But I know now, I know, that if giving it up is what's best for my family, our family, I will do it. I will do it for you."

"Harry." I finally looked at him, seeing all the emotions swirling in his eyes. A mixture of frustration, guilt, hope, all of it there, swimming in his green eyes. The green eyes I've fallen in love with.

"Just listen, please." I nodded my head, setting my cup on the ground and folding my hands in my lap, finally giving him my full attention.

"I dont want to, I will be honest when I say this, I dont want to give it all up. But I will. But before I, before we," he corrected himself, "before we make any decisions there is another option for us. It's not a perfect option, given the circumstances, but it's something everyone has talked about and decided we can try to make work if that's what we want. And before I tell you what it is, I just want you to know that we can think about it. We can talk about it, figure everything out. My team hasn't announced anything yet, so we have time to figure out what we want to do, and I promise you, as much as I want to do this, I want this more."

He grabbed my hands, looking between Belle and I. I took a deep breath, my teeth catching my lip as I looked between his eyes, waiting for him to tell me. "My girls matter to me more than anything." That small sentence rushed all the emotions to the surface of my body, my heart beating faster, my stomach twisting in so many knots, the pressure behind my eyes building. But, I pushed back the emotions, not wanting to release it all right now, not until I know what I need to know.

"What is the other option?"

He took a steadying breath, and I joined him. The world around us seeming to get quieter, the wind dying down and the animals disappearing, the fountain turning off. I blinked at him, long and slow, my chest rising and falling in big breaths until he spoke. The world spinning again, my chest moving faster, the sounds of the water and the wind returned. I felt his hand in mine, I heard the sounds of Belle at my leg, I watched his eyes hold out hope.

"I want you to come on tour with me. Both of you."

I couldn't respond, I didn't know how to respond. I didn't even know if this would even work. Touring? With a baby? Especially a baby as young as she is. Could this work?

I felt myself hoping for him, watching as the hope in his eyes dimmed when I didn't say anything, not even a reassurance that I would think about it.

A war was raging in my head. One side of me was screaming that this wouldn't work, to tell him no and to stay home with us. But the other side of me, the side of me who see's Harry, Harry the star and not Harry the love of my life, is telling me to make it work. We have to make this work, for him. We can't let him give up his dreams. Make this work dammit.

My hands slipped out of his, my body pulling back, and I watched as his eyes darkened, the hope morphing into dread, a glossy sheen covering them. The light moss green turning to into a storm. I felt us slipping away from each other, but I couldn't focus on him, my mind still a raging war.

Do I be selfish and demand a normal life for my child? Or do I let him achieve his dreams?

And where do I fit into any of this?