Short Stories

Trey

I am so sorry. I wish you were here and you could guide me. I miss our long talks, our latte nights, and the way you made my heart melt.

I miss the late phone calls. I miss the songs and sharing bands. I miss the way you looked at me. I miss how you held me. I miss how you kissed me and pulled me close.

I wish you were here. I am sorry I wasn't there. I am sorry I was a stupid girl trying to figure too many things out. I am sorry that my anxiety got in the way of things. I am sorry depression and distance separated our hearts.

I miss the video chatting and making brownies. I miss the fights we had on which milk was the best. I miss watching late night hockey games, doing homework, and regretting not getting more sleep.

I miss the way you snored. I miss your sleepy grin and how your hair was so fluffy and wild. I miss the way you looked at me and woke me up. I wish you were still here to hog the covers and randomly played guitar.

I miss the way you ignored my constant questions. I wished you were still here to randomly put hair gel in my hair and make it in a weird style. I miss how you would doodle with markers on my skin. The way you pressed the design in carefully and found a way to make my birthmark a part of the art. I miss this so much.

I wish you were here to forgive me and tell me things would be alright. I wish you could talk to me and tell me which path to choose and what roads to follow. I need you now like you needed me then and I regret every day without you here.

The brownies don't taste right when I make them alone. The music doesn't sound right with the fake fighting about which band is better. The guitar doesn't tune or play right without you holding my hands and teaching me to play. The cover isn't warm like it used to be.

The toothpaste on the countertop doesn't bother me. The hockey wins and losses don't bother me because it doesn't make sense without you. The homework isn't worth doing when I know you aren't going to be there on the video call when I wake up with highlighter on my face again.

Some nights I wake up and I swear to God you are still here. Some days I regret just waking up in a world where you aren't here. I try each day to make it a better place but in a world without you, I doubt it would ever exist.

I can't feel the love that we had. Each person enters my life and I am sitting here border with no butterflies. They are all the same copy and paste with a different face. It is impossible to find someone who loved me and wanted me and cared for me and wanted to be in my corner and team work the way we did.

If I had one wish, I would bring you back safely to me. If I had a second wish it would be to have never met you because you ruined me for anyone else. I can't exist here without. I miss you everyday. Years have gone by but I still feel you against my skin, in my heart and in my head with me everyday.

What am I supposed to do in a world without you?