Let Go (GXG, MD/LG) A Vanilla Introduction to Submission

20. By the way... She Has Anxiety

Nicole's POV

She had heard Kristen talk like that once before, when she got overwhelmed about the rules she had to follow while being Nicole's sub. she had that overwhelmed tone of voice that felt close to panic. Nicole wanted to end that panic immediately, what was Kristen even going on about? Of course they had conversations about why Nicole loved being a caregiver. Why did Kristen suddenly feel like the conversations they had weren't enough?

In Nicole's head everything is going great, she was even going to invite her to a ball with her family and Kristen is at home thinking Nicole is upset with her?

When she got off the phone with Kristen she sent Gregory to her immediately and called herself an UBER X and asked very politely for Emma to close the library without her. When Gregory texted that Kris was in the car and on the way Nicole felt herself relax some as well in the back of the uber.

Kristen and Nicole were still getting to know each other, just because they agreed to be in this dynamic didn't mean they automatically clicked and knew what the other needed and what triggers were in place. So Nicole wanted to get to Kristen as soon as possible and find out what was going on.

Should she have her kneel like she did before? Making eye contact when Kris feels vulnerable makes it harder for her to speak her mind. Or should they be on a more equal level so Kris could feel safe?

It was so early in their relationship to have these types of issues, Nicole didn't know exactly what to say to make Kristen feel better.

When Nicole made it to her apartment building she waited in the lobby, standing and waiting at the door. She wanted Kristen's eyes to find her instantly and hopefully hold back some of the worry she had obviously been feeling over the phone.

It didn't take much longer for Gregory to make it from Kristen's house to Nicole's apartment, and Nicole locked eyes with her blonde beauty.

She looked exhausted, red in the face, eyes watering making her green eyes shine even brighter against the flushed cheeks. She had a little backpack in one hand and a pink stuffy in the other. It was obvious she had been crying rather hard with the way her chest was huffing up and down.

"My baby," Nicole it said like a whisper, soft and heartbroken as she walked to Kristen. Her baby was so upset. She walked to her and instantly fell into mommy mode. "Oh my princess, Mommy's here, I'm sorry what's happened?"

Kristen looks up at Nicole and it's like hearing her voice makes a new flood of tears appear and a sob breaks from her mouth.

"No baby, no it's okay," Nicole says, shushing her and holding her closer, "Let me get you upstairs okay?"

Kristen nods but doesn't answer verbally, that worries Nicole.

Without really thinking about it Nicole grabs the bag from Kristen's hand and puts it on her shoulders, then just as easily puts her arm behind Kristen's legs and swoops her up into her arms and takes her to the elevator, Nicole hits the button as she continues to soothe her baby. She rocks her as the elevator opens and they walk in, she presses the button for her floor.

"I- I'm sorry, I- I not good at-" Kristen starts but Nicole stops her.

"Honey, there's nothing to apologize for," Nicole says as the doors open and walks them into the apartment. "I just need you to tell me what has you so upset."

Nicole leads them all the way to her bedroom and lays her down on her dark green sheets, Kristen lays on her side with her body pressed up in a little ball still huffing and trying to calm down from crying.

"I... I was talking to Aiden and I was telling him 'bout us and he asked me how you felt about me not calling you mommy, and was saying it must be like... hard for you because you're not getting that from me and you like being a caregiver. He asked me what you liked most about being a caregiver and I couldn't answer because I didn't know! I- I don't ask you questions about you and what you like and now- now I feel bad because I'm realizing we focus too much on me and not enough on you."

"Oh Sweetheart, it's okay, there's no need to cry over that." Nicole says and rubs her hand up and down Kristen's arm trying to be soothing, Kristen is leaning towards her and her touch. "Lemme hold you baby,"

Kristen complies almost immediately, getting up and moving so Nicole can wrap Kristen in her arms. Nicole leaning against the bed frame.

"All you do is worry about if I'm comfortable and if I feel safe and what I need. But what about you? What do you need from me? What do you like about being my caregiver? My domme? Why do you even want to be my mommy?"

"Because I want you, I want you to be cared for by me, because that makes me feel fulfilled. I want it to be as if you never need to lift a finger because I take care of you and everything you could need. If you let me I would plan your every day, pick out your clothes, have your food ready, do your hair, wash you... everything. What I get in return is your obedience, your affection, and your company. You know this, you must feel it when we're together."

Kristen sniffles.

"I don't want you doubting how much you do for me in this role. You are mine, my sub, my baby, I take care of you and that brings me happiness. We haven't been doing it for long together but I am enjoying every second."

"I feel guilty," Kristen says, her voice getting even smaller, she won't look at Nicole but she seemed to relax in her arms and her face was fading from strawberry red to something softer.

"Why baby?"

"Because I still feel a little ashamed, around being in this kind of relationship. I was always told the mommy thing was so taboo and then Aiden telling me I wanted a domme all the time really turned me off to it. Then here I am with you enjoying it and I still feel shame."

"That sounds totally reasonable, you haven't been doing this for long. I didn't expect you to embrace it all in just the few sessions we've had now. That's why I don't want to pressure you. I'm trusting that when you want to add things to our dynamic you'll tell me."

"But what if I never add them because I feel guilty about wanting the things?"

"Have you done that in the past?"

"Kinda... I've been in relationships where I wanted to try new things but never had the nerve to ask for them. Like Aiden was asking me about bottles, and even though I said no the idea... excites me, acting like a baby and being silly just seems so carefree." Now that Kristen had started it was like the floodgates had opened up for her and she continued sniffling "I have such bad every day anxiety, it's okay when I'm following my usual routine then it's controlled. I'm worried about being late for work, or oversleeping. But with us it's so new I feel anxious about saying or telling you what I want, and now after that talk with Aiden I wonder if I'm giving you everything you want."

"You're holding this all on your shoulders and you don't have too, you never told me your anxiety was so bad. You told me about it in passing but it didn't sound serious. I saw you get upset once before but you had calmed down pretty easily. I am sorry I wasn't doing anything to help you aid in your emotions. What would make you feel better when we play together?"

Kristen was quiet as she thought but her grip on Nicole tightened. "I don't want to think anymore, I wanna be a brainless, thoughtless baby. It's too hard, I don't wanna be anxious anymore."

Nicole thought quietly, she could try something right now and see how it lands for Kristen. This wasn't even their usual play days so she didn't really have anything planned yet but seeing how distressed she was she wanted to see if this form of play would be calming for Kristen.

"If I wanted to try a new role play session right now, no sexual activies or anything currently... what's your color?"

Now Kristen looks at Nicole, green eyes shining and hopeful "Green,"

So Nicole took a deep breath and turned on Mommy Mode to the highest level.