the other side of paradise | bsd x gn!reader

twenty-four.

The autumn leaves slowly drift to the ground, and the fog that had previously enveloped Yokohama slowly dissipates. The golden rays of the setting sun fall gently on Nakahara Chuuya's face as he stares down at you, illuminating his already divine features. You sit on a swing, and from a distance, the height difference between you almost makes it seem like you're kneeling to your ruler. The scene itself is one that could be a masterpiece, painted by one of the greatest artists that had ever lived. As his gaze pierces through you, you grip onto the chains of the swing even tighter, not daring to meet his eyes.

You promised to explain, didn't you? So why is it now, that words feel like sand in your mouth? Why do you feel like you're going to throw up if you say anything? You just look at him pathetically, hoping either of you has developed telepathic powers and he'd understand everything without you opening your mouth at all.

"Look at me, (Y/n)," he sighs, and you lift your eyes to look at him. The young man takes off his hat and wearily runs his hands through his hair. "What is going on with you? I mean, first you show up to the headquarters, looking for Dazai of all people and act like you're so close. And now that you came here to explain, you're not saying a word. It's like you don't want – "

"I'm leaving."

Whatever he was going to say catches itself in the back of his throat and he takes a step back, clearly caught by surprise. His stormy eyes swirl with confusion and he blinks rapidly, like he's trying to clear his vision. "What?" His voice is disbelieving, and you understand why. Sure, you've left for missions before, but the tone of voice you used indicated you'll be leaving him for a long, long time.

"I'm not leaving for forever," you add quickly. "It's only for a while. An unspecified amount of time. I won't be able to contact anyone though so... I wanted to let you know, that's all."

"I see."

"Yup," you clear your throat, swaying on the swing slightly. "This is just something I have to do. For everyone and for myself, you get what I'm saying? That's why I wanted to clear some things before I left." You lift your head to look at him questioningly. "You wanted to know what happened with Dazai, didn't you? Before he left the Port Mafia?"

Chuuya nods slowly and steps closer.

"I'll tell you," you shrug. "I've got nothing to lose. Maybe you'll understand a little better."

And you do. You tell him everything: how Dazai kidnapped you and took you to Odasaku, Anastasia and the kids; how you almost exploded in a van; how Anastasia saved Oda's life and died instead; and how her last words and the colour red still haunt you in your dreams. You do skip the whole 'I came from a different universe' thing, as you don't think he's quite ready for that yet. You're tearing up by the time you're done and Chuuya's face softens. Without even thinking about it, he instinctively steps closer to you, and kneels to match your eye height.

"Is this why you asked if I'd ever leave the mafia?" He asks, gently like an out of place tone might shatter you completely. "Because you needed someone to be there for you."

You nod reluctantly. Not the way you would phrase it, but that is the truth in a way. You wipe your face, turning away from the mafioso slightly. Being vulnerable like this in front of people is not something you enjoy – even now, in front of Chuuya, who you've grown to trust so much, you feel pathetic with that tear-stained face of yours.

"Yeah, I guess. And, I don't know, I think I wanted to see if there was a slight chance of that ever happening."

The young man pauses for a second, then asks carefully: "You do understand there isn't a chance of me leaving, right? It's not like I'm being forced to be there. It's my home, somewhere I belong."