James had been driving for God knows how long but he was fine with the farness of the drive. It gave him a chace to confront his thoughts alone, where it always felt right. James started to talk to himself as if he were talking to someone else.
"And it just hurts, you kno, to go about life with the knowledge that for some strange reason, a being in the sky can just swoop down and take and take and take every good thing out of your life at just a moment's notice. The proudest moment of my life, I missed out on because the man upstairs wanted the child to be in Heaven now rather than later." James said.
"We'll maybe you just need to go back to church and see if your opinion on God has changed. It's been quite a while since you've been inside a church that wasn't a wedding or funeral. Perhaps you should give God another chance. Do you think that would change things?" James asked himself. James shook his head violently.
"No. I've given God so many chances. I've spent hours yelling and screaming at him to prove to me that he existed. And I waited, for years for a response, and I got nothing. Long silence just for nothing to happen. No voice to answer me, soothe me, console me. None, nada, nil. He's run out of chances. Why can't anyone FUCKING REALIZE THAT?!?!" James yelled at the top of his lungs. He then pulled the car over to the side of the road. He put the car in park and started screaming and yelling at himself.
He jerked his body around, banged his head on the steering wheel, and cried. Finally, he stopped and sat there in silence and focused on breathing slowly. In and out, in and out, in and out, in and out. He pulled himself together and took the car out of park and started to drive onwards to his destination. Just a little bit closer, that was all.
~
He made it to the house by nightfall. He got out and grabbed his stuff and walked up to the door and knocked. The door opened and he saw his mother on the other side. She was happy to see him. She hugged him to which James started to cry. She rubbed his back and soothed him with her words.
"It's ok, everything's alright. Go ahead and let it all out. You're here now, everything's going to be fine." His mother said to him. James nodded and calmed himself down.
"It's really good to see you. I don't know...it just is." James said. His mother smiled and let him into the house.
~
After he got everything unpacked, James laid there on the bed and closed his eyes. He could see Eileen in all of her glory. Her image was beautiful and pleasant. James teared up as he reminisced the angel he had left in the hospital back home. Poor creature was in a comatose state to which he couldn't do anything but wait and hope that she came out of this whole thing alive. James laid there, with his eyes closed, and fell asleep with no idea what was to happen next.
~
The next morning, he got up and got dressed. He made his way to the front door and walked outside to do his normal morning jog. The cool air greeted him kindly. He closed the door and put his earbuds in and started to jog as Kevin Staudt played in his head.
As he jogged, he started to think hard on the memories he had made with not just Eileen but pretty much everyone in his life.
He remembered the day his father taught him how to fish when he was 6 years old. He remembered at that moment in his life, he became a morning person.
He looked up to his father for so long. Richard was an idol for James, a monument. Nothing seemed to tear him down. And James admired that, respected that, strived for that. And one day, he believed he would achieve it.
James circled back to where the house was and sat down on the porch. He then searched for a song on his phone and played it. The song was called Nephilim by Katatonia.
He hadn't listened to the song in a long while and wanted to hear it again, to feel it again, to love it again. He then turned off his phone and made his way into the house to find his mother in the kitchen, warming up some water for coffee.
"I figured you were outside, it was deathly quiet." She said. James smiled.
"Yeah, I went to do my normal jog I do in the mornings. Keep my health in the clear, you know?" James said. Barbara nodded and smiled at him nicely and warmly.
"That's good. Taking care of your health, especially when you are in a dark moment of your life. It shows that you still have balance. You still have a fight in you." Barbara said. James nodded and smiled slightly as he thought about what she just said.
It showed that I still had balance, that I still had a fight in me. He hoped to God that that was true. He wanted to stay strong for Eileen, take care of himself for her because that was what she would have wanted for him. Eileen was a kind soul, and he hoped that this would've been her ending. He wiped a tear away and smiled at his mother and chuckles lightly to himself. He was lucky to have a mother like Barbara. He was damn lucky. She then lifted up her coffee mug and showed it to James.
"You want some coffee?" She asked him. James smiled at her and nodded benevolently.
"Yeah, I would love some." James said with a smile. "That would be great."
YOU ARE READING
The Things That Will Be
Fiksi Remaja"If there's no struggle, there's no progress." - Frederick Douglass When a young couple expect a newborn, they are unaware of what the future holds when one of them slips into a coma and the baby becomes a sti...
