Learning to Fall (One Direction Fanfic)

Chapter Twenty-Three:

-Six Weeks Later-

Days seemed to not exist anymore. There was light and there was dark but the actual passing of time didn't seem real. The closest I came to a reality was this confusing blur of time in which I went through all these motions without meaning.

I only talked when I was forced to, only ate when I was forced to, only did anything when I was forced to. Jessica and Danny would visit me for the first couple weeks at Johnston, and Rory even came once, but after a while the visits dwindled until they were a rare occurrence.

I was diagnosed after my Assessment Week. Most of the words used to describe me were medical or confusing. Anorexic, depressed, and anxious were in the regular bunch, however. They were also listed on the several hospital bracelets I wore, which contained the names of the many different medications I was on.

The panic attack I got when it came to eating continued, and no matter how much they were addressed in group therapy or counseling or nutrition sessions they still persisted.

Many people started to view me as a lost cause. Of course no one said it, but I could tell in the look in their eyes when they saw me. It was this indifferent pity that told me I was hopeless. Naturally, I believed it as well.

When I wasn't in some sort of therapy, I was in my room.

That's where I was now, sitting on the ground with my back up against the radiator for warmth. I was reading a book, but I didn't know its title or even what it was about, and I had been re-reading the same sentence over and over again for the past five minutes without being able to make sense of it.

The door creaked open and I looked up, expecting to see Mandy, assuming it was time for the hourly checks. Instead, it was Ethan. This wasn't odd. Ethan would sometimes talk to me, not that I would respond.

"Hey."

I nodded in response and put down the book. Ethan walked over and sat down on my bed.

"Mands wanted me to tell you that your family called. She had to leave early and we've got Tiffany for the night."

I gagged and stuck my tongue out. Tiffany was an older lady with the most toxic personality and sugary sweet voice.

"I know. But they said they'd be here tomorrow after breakfast and to pack your bags for a week at home," Ethan said, rifling through the contents of my bedside table.

I picked up a stray ball of crumpled paper and launched it across the room, hitting Ethan on the arm. He rolled his eyes and shot it back, falling a bit to the left of my foot.

"Want me to pack for you?" Ethan asked me. I shrugged indifferently. He nodded and got my duffel bag out from under my bed. He filled it with various clothes from my drawers, remembering to put in my leather boots.

"Are you coming into the common room tonight?" Ethan asked me after he was done. I shook my head. "I'm just going to stay in here with you then."

He sat next to me, elbowing me over a bit so he got some of the radiator's heat, too.

I took his forearm and pushed the sleeve of his shirt out of the way, lightly tracing the crisscrossing scars with my fingers.

"They're getting smaller," Ethan noted. I nodded approvingly.

"I noticed."

"Did you actually just say something, Jax?" Ethan asked, turning his head and looking at me incredulously. I shrugged and smirked. "Now I know that today has been an achievement. Jax actually spoke."