Learning to Fall (One Direction Fanfic)

Chapter Twenty-Four:

I was sitting on my bed in leggings and an old crewneck. The radiator in the corner rattled with heat and activity, but I was still cold. The window across from my bed showed snow and a grey sky. It was mid-February, but I didn't know the date.

I heard muffled voices through the door, and I strained my ears to listen in, folding a page in my book and setting it down on the bed.

"So can I see her?"

"Sir, we need to go over some things first."

The second voice sighed.

"She's fragile, physically and emotionally. If you do anything that may upset Jacqueline, you will be asked to leave."

"I'm not going to do anything. I just want to see her."

"Let me go ask if she is alright to see you."

My doorknob turned and Mandy poked her head through. "Jax, there is someone here to see you. Are you able to handle a visitor?"

I nodded.

"Are you sure?" Mandy asked. I raised my hand and put a thumb up. The plastic bracelets ruffled with the sound. Mandy nodded and let him in. I guess I knew who it was from the start. The voice was just too familiar.

Louis sat down next to me on the bed and it creaked. His hair was messy and he looked tired.

He seemed scared, at a loss. A funny little thought went through my mind about how it really should be me who's scared.

Finally, Lou ran his hand through my thinned hair and stared sadly into my dull eyes.

"Jax, what's happening?"

I said nothing. All I could wrap my head around was the disappointment in his voice.

"Rory told me what happened."

I still didn't respond.

"Relapse...Depression, Anxiety...Jesus."

I bit my lip, which was dry and cracked.

"Babe, you're a mess," Louis smiled sadly.

"At least I haven't punched a child in the face yet," I said in a rough voice.

Louis laughed, but it sounded almost like a sob.

"Yeah, at least you haven't done that."

We sat across from each other for a while. We were both thinking about the same thing. I could feel it in the unacknowledged tension coursing through the room. We were both thinking about him.

"I'm really angry at you, okay?" Louis finally snapped, whipping his head around to glare at me.

I raised my eyebrows but did not say a word.

"You left us all in the dark. The entire time. The entire fucking time. Haz, he said you'd be fine. He and you both lied and said you were fine. But we all knew it wasn't true. The entire time, me and Niall were sitting there and deep down we both knew you were killing yourself," Louis shouted. Thank goodness for soundproof doors.

I flinched when Lou said his name. It felt like a knife ran straight through my heart. My lips stayed sealed, though.

"You know what, forget about me. Forget about what I thought and take a chance to realize what you did to Niall. He is so far gone from us now, and it's because of what you did to him. You could have just stayed, you know. You could have just come out and stayed with us, and you'd have been fine. You could have gotten better, but you didn't. You're not better and it fucking kills all of us every day," Louis yelled, pacing around the room.