It comes and goes each year and I don't know why but I hate it
I hate my birthday
And it's cliche really for that one person to hate their birthday cause they want to seem cool or they want to seem so above and mature the celebration of the day they were born
And for me I truly don't know why
It's a combination of things and reasons even I can't always explain
Maybe I want a little attention that I never really got when birthday parties were more important
Maybe it's cause I don't feel like my existence is worth celebrating
All I know is that every time a birthday party for me is mentioned I decline I make it seem as if " oh I just don't do parties " which is true my social battery can barely handle small family gatherings
But it isn't the whole truth
I think maybe part of the truth is that maybe if I don't care about it maybe they will start caring about it more
I feel as tho a celebration for me living another year would be idiotic
Because celebration comes from accomplishing
Things and goals when all I have ever done
Is keep living even when my brain and every fiber in my body is telling me too die
And maybe that's a significant thing
But I still don't get it
How can your birthday be so important when surviving each day is much more of an accomplishment
To me my birthday is just another day that I try and forget about
And when I see the cake with my name in cavity inducing icing
And the candles lit standing tall like little soldiers going to war
I get all turned around because everything is wrong
The celebration is happy but I am impartial
The cake is wonderful yet I leave it to sit
The gifts are all piled but I don't deserve them
The candles are lit but their flames are cold on my hands
It all should belong to someone else someone who has value on this earth someone who can make a difference
It shouldn't belong to me
I may never understand my birthday
I most likely never will
There were too many years where " we were to busy "
Too many times I was told " maybe next year "
And now that people tell me I should celebrate
I just shake my head cause I was taught that my birthday was just another day
And it would stay like that forever
Until the candles all melt to the bottom
And the cake is rotting in the plate
My birthday will never be clear to me
As why I am worth the time and effort
To celebrate
A:n it's not even my birthday this month but why not
YOU ARE READING
For now ... I will be ok
Short StoryI've been going through it lately so i wrote this to help me feel better, sometimes the best way to find joy is to look for it in moments that don't truly exist Moments that you crate out of the depths of your mind because , the real world is too...
