For now ... I will be ok

Anywhere but here

I have a brick in my chest it weighs me down and my lungs are firing for fresh air but I'm trapped in box
Clear glass box and everyone can see me
They see all my skeletons that I've shoved deep into my closet
Am I being dramatic?
I don't know
Is this anxiety or panic or depression what is happening to me
I feel like I'm doing everything wrong but these last few days have been good
I'm drowning in assignments and expectations but I've been
Ok
I've been fine
I don't know how to feel anymore
Are they in the wrong
Does everyone hate me
Why can't I look in the mirror
Is it my fault
I don't know
But I have to go somewhere
Someplace different I need to just drift
But I can't get my brain to shit off the thoughts and emotions are swarming everywhere and the glass box is cracking
And for a moment I think I'm free but all these skeletons I've hid away grab on to me and drag me down as I fall into a dark abyss
I'm choking on something
Is it water , air , guilt ?
What is keeping me from breathing
Why do I always have to fail
Why do I have to care how others perceive me
But I do and it makes it all so much worse
Why can't I just be
Ok
Fine
Happy
I just want a day where I'm not being crushed anymore
As I fall with these skeletons all I hear is laughter everyone is laughing and pointing and I would to because I'm a mess I can't figure out what is wrong and everything is dark
And cold
And I want to feel pretty and I want to feel
Like I deserve life but how can I say that I deserve anything if I haven't been
Anything but an attention seeker
Am I attention seeking ?
Is this just me asking for help
Is wanting attention okay
Or is it bad because there are others who need it more
I can't tell
It's so dark
And the bones that are holding on to Meade turning into cement
Becoming even more of a struggle to bear
And I just want a home
But will anyone want me
Will I just be forced onto some poor family who doesn't even want me
Do I just not want me ?
I just need a door
A way to escape this dark hole that I'm falling down I need a door
To somewhere I can just float
And as I write this the brick in my chest slowing dissipates
But is this the end of this minor break down or is this just a start to
Something I don't want to deal with
I shove the skeletons deep down into the closet again
No one needs to see them
Not even me
And maybe this is just cause I can't seem to cope with being happy or maybe it's cause I'm tired and overwhelmed and burnt to my last fucking day
But all I know is that for now these thoughts are shoved into this page just like the skeletons I put in the closet
Maybe this is helping
Maybe this is getting worse
I just know whatever it is I need to be
Somewhere
Anywhere
But here
Because this place is crushing me
I can't please people
But I also can't not make sure everyone is doing well
I can't focus on myself because there are others who need help
I need to leave before
These skeletons knock the door done
Coming back to drown me in nothing but my own
Thoughts