For now ... I will be ok

Twisted and tied into bows of gold

It was like I was being mocked
My siblings hair was braided or long flowing ponytails
But I was
A mess
My curls were everywhere I had no defined part
But I saw the other little girls hair tied up with bows and string and I
Wanted that
I wanted the close contact the gentle feeling of someone brushing and combining my hair into the most intricate designs
But no one ever did
During the holidays were the worst
All the special events that required nice outfits
Nice hair
But nothing could be done
No matter how much it was straitened or brushed I could never recreate the beautiful styles with my small young fingers
And now when I look in the mirror
I can't stand the fact that I can't do my hair
It's too tangled and short to braid , it's too curly To put into a ponytail or bun the trendy claw clips caught int he strands And it would never look right
Pigtails were childish
So were space buns
Nothing worked it never looked like the other girls
And all I wanted was to be pretty
The curls that framed my face were my worst enemy
They were just another reason to be teased
Another thing separating me from the others and I hated them
I've learned to like them now
But I will never love them
They bring back to much hurt
The countless times I came into school looking messy and unkempt all because someone never took the time to care and help me figure what I wanted out
And now they tell me how beautiful it looks and expect me to believe it
But I never will
I can't do anything fun with it
Can't spontaneously decide to cut it or dye it all because it would look even worse without careful considerations what I would do with it
I just wish I could have someone finally give me the feeling of
The closeness and bonding that comes with doing someone else's hair
But it never comes
And I'll continue to crave that form of attention I always will
But like most things
I'll just deal with it