I envy the ones who got to live
The ones who lived their whole lives
I don't hate them
I never could
It's not their fault they got an easier life
In fact I'm glad that others were given a chance to have a story different than mine
Cause all my life I have lived very little
Since I was 7 all I knew was to
Survive
And yes I did live
It was happy before it got worse
It was bright before life got dark
But maybe it was never actually bright
What if my eyes were just flashlights illuminating the positive because I couldn't bear to acknowledge that there was darkness
And when I was 7
The flashlights started to flicker
And they got
Dimmer
And dimmer
And dimmer
Until
They turned off
And all the things that I interpreted as positive
Were dark all along
and I soon found that the good things
even if the lights were off
would glow
for the longest time I have survived , I long to be able to live but I can't
Not yet at least
There are some days where
I don't want to live
I don't want to survive
And maybe today is one of those days
Because I'm pushing myself
So far
Just to give my life some purpose
I push and push until I'm at the edge of my rope
Because maybe if I do
I'll show others that I'm not made of glass
I can prove to myself that I have a purpose
And one day I'll glow
I'll glow like the stars
And the rain
And all the things that have brought me joy
But not yet
I won't live
Or glow
I'll just survive
And for now
I'm ok with that
Because one day
I'll get the chance to be
Something that glows
In someone else's story
And only then will I
Begin to
Live
YOU ARE READING
For now ... I will be ok
Short StoryI've been going through it lately so i wrote this to help me feel better, sometimes the best way to find joy is to look for it in moments that don't truly exist Moments that you crate out of the depths of your mind because , the real world is too...
