For now ... I will be ok

Ashes , ashes we all fall down

The person who raised me was kind
She was gentle and understanding
She tried her best even when things were bad
She could be as sweet as honey
Or sharp and curt as a knife
But she always protected me
Took care of me tried her best to
Congratulate me even if it was hard
She would smile when I looked in the mirror
Looking at my outfit or hair
She reminded me tho
That no matter what
Your safer with yourself  then anyone else
She kept me company when I had no friends
She held back my hair when I was sick
She would do my hair to the best of her ability
And she never asked for anything in return
She helped me with homework and school
And stopped me from shaking too much
Or hurting myself on accident
But she would always agree with my bad thoughts no matter how hesitant she was
In the end she always agreed
She would apologize for doing so
And I could never be angry with her
She protected me
I was the Little Dipper and she was the Big Dipper
Keeping me safe from all the other monsters that were placed in my sky
But just like constellations
She never stayed forever
She came less
And less as time went on
I never saw her as much
The only sign of her is the the quiet whispers telling me she's safe
I can still see her
she stands invisible in past photos
Right next to me
Being the Big Dipper she was
She used to hold my hand when I was scared
And calm me down when no one was around
I was so lucky to have her
And I wish I could say thank you
She was the only pillar I had
A totem of safety
Reassuring me that I would be ok
She was the only one I could rely on
And that is pretty special
To have such a strong bond with your
Caretaker the person who raised you
The one who taught you the do's and don'ts
And I have a feeling she will show up
When it's finally time for me to take that leap of faith
When it's time for me to leave the best she's going to be right there
Holding  my hand like always
I wish she were still here
Always right with me
She picked me up from the sea when Neverland was too far for me
She never made it there herself either
She tried her best to keep my childhood alive
And I wish I could say she succeeded
And it's a mystery at why she won't come back
Does  she not want me anymore ?
Was she too tired to see me again ?
Could she not find me ?
Was she searching ?
Did she still care ?
Maybe it's not because if any of that
Maybe she disappeared because
We were
One in the same
Maybe I don't see her anymore because
I grew to be her
Maybe because all along
The person who
Protected
Held
Loved
Cared
And raised me
Was myself

And maybe just maybe in the far off future a girl is standing in an empty apartment
Boxes scattered
realizing that the girl who wrote this had protected her too