I write this poem in an attempt to explain why stability is so uncomfortable I do not seek to glorify bipolar episodes they are horrendous in there own nature but for so many people with bipolar disorder stability is the bane of their existence unfortunately it's incredibly mundane and it lacks excitement it is maddening when life goes on normally absent of extremes creativity derides up like a barren lake it's diminished inspiration disappears without the ebbs and flows absent of substance and it's the goal structure is desirable it breaks the cycle I miss sinking deep I still crave the energy that mania brings I feel for the dark debilitating feelings they made me feel alive mania is bright filled with light warmth and pure joy impossibly fast sometimes scary hallucinations arise and disturb the mind little men appear voices fill your head with thoughts that risk your safety depression feels safe itself comforting to move slow life will slip away being unstable allows for escaping life excuses become valid when I feel stable antidepressants set in I wait for the fall it's terrifying to be helpless unaware I'm a ticking time boom so I find comfort in the extreme highs and lows there's nothing to fear waiting for the fall is what should be feared the most it's agonising
