Painful Love

Cardigan

Alec couldn't remember the last time he had eaten something or hadn't been cold. He still couldn't understand how he was still alive. He had been praying to anybody listening to him, even God if there was someone up there, that it wouldn't start snowing or raining.

It hadn't worked. None of his prayers were answered. It started to rain, thankfully not heavily for now. Alec had his legs against his torso, softly singing something to himself to keep himself busy and forget about the cold and the hunger.

He had a dumpster next to him, hiding him from the wind. He could go inside, he wouldn't get drenched if he did so. The thought of literally being surrounded by dirt and trash made him stop singing and start whimpering.

He felt like he was going crazy. He could barely think straight, blame it to the hunger. He couldn't stop his mind from going back to the day Caleb's parents had threatened and harassed him until they had finally kicked Alec out of the apartment. Maybe he should have stood his ground in a better way.

He also couldn't help but wonder every now and then if it would be so bad to go back to his father's house. His father would probably kill him, but well, it wasn't like he would survive any longer in the streets.

Alec buried his face on his knees, rocking back and forth. He couldn't go on anymore.

-

He woke up the next morning, wet and freezing. The carton he had used to cover himself with the night before was a wet mess on the floor; he'd have to search for something to make a ceiling out of, if he could move of course.

Alec looked up and saw clouds in the sky. It had stopped raining and it seemed like the wind had ceased too. He was shivering hard. He knew there were places that could help him out, but he was way too scared to find someone who might hurt him again to even get out of his hiding spot.

He couldn't do it anymore, though, he needed food. The last thing he had eaten had been a half-eaten hot dog he had found on a bench close to where he was. He had thrown it up shortly later, overthinking where that hot dog might have come from.

He had no idea how much time had passed since then, but it was too much.

Alec somehow found the strength to walk out of his hiding spot, going to the outside of the alley. People rushing to places, nobody bothering to notice the young, dirty, starving man that was Alec.

He got overwhelmed at the sight of so many people. He was about to turn around and go back to die in his cardboard three feet square spot but he stopped himself. He caught sight of someone about to put their wallet inside their pocket. It was now or never.

Alec reached forward to the person's hands, snatching the wallet off their hands. The rush of adrenaline coursing through his body allowed him to turn around and run as fast as he could, back inside the alley where his cardboard "house" was.

He felt guilt and anxiety, but he couldn't think of anything else that wasn't the money in the wallet he had just stolen. Maybe he would be able to buy something warm; maybe soup, or even a blanket.

His daydream was crushed in the same way his body was, against the ground of the street, the moment the person he had stolen from caught up and jumped on him, throwing him to the ground. He had forgotten what it felt like to be pushed down.

The air left his lungs and his temple hit the floor, hard. He lost his breath. A split-second flashback came back to him, of Caleb kicking him down to the floor, and he fought to get the person off him. He didn't have to, though, because once they got their wallet back, Alec's only way to get some warmth, they moved off him and made move to walk away.