Painful Love

Invisible String

Magnus' lips trailed kisses up his jaw, his body moving against Alec's, as Alec closed his blue eyes. It hurt. Did it, or was he just so scared he had convinced himself it did hurt? Why was he scared? Why-...

It felt like it had with Caleb.

The sound of his grunts muffled the desperate breaths Alec was trying to take in. He couldn't breathe; whether it was because he was being choked or because he was having a panic attack, he'd never know.

The split second flashback made Alec gasp and push Magnus away. That gasp was the start of his hyperventilation. He quickly covered his naked body. Alec couldn't exactly see, the cause of it being the tears forming in his eyes rather fast.

He brought his fist to his mouth, biting it, as his other hand checked his neck; he needed to make sure it wasn't bruised. He'd have to take a look at it later, to know if he'd need to cover it up or not. Caleb would kill him if he went out with uncovered bruises.

Magnus, who had been pushed all of a sudden, and had fallen off the bed as a result of it, didn't have to push away the slight anger at having been literally pushed away like that, mid-sex, because his worry overcame it in less than a second.

"Alexander?"

Alec started rocking back and forth at a fast speed, aligning it somehow with his over breathing. His teeth were sinking on the already marked skin of his hand. He had countless scars all over himself, a lot of them because of the past abuse he had suffered, some other self-inflicted.

However, his hands and arms were the ones that had endured with the most self-injures. He had a bad tendency on biting the back of his hands whenever he got anxious, until it sometimes didn't feel enough and he needed to use a blade to self-harm.

Magnus was there to make sure this wouldn't happen. He carefully sat down on the bed, his gaze watching Alec rock back and forth. He was hiding his face behind his legs, muffling his whimpers with his fist.

"Touch?"

The last thing Alec needed now was physical touch. He could feel his skin itch because of something not from the present. He shook his head at a quick pace, making it clear that he did not, in fact, want to be touched.

He was having some serious trouble separating the past from the present. He couldn't remember Caleb ever dying. He was feeling like he had, back when he had been dating Caleb, that terror coursing through him at all times.

"I won't touch you, I promise." Magnus said; Alec didn't even hear him. He was busy trying not to throw up. He didn't make it. He didn't have enough time to move off the bed, because he threw up on himself a second later.

It seemed to help his hyperventilating for a couple seconds, but not his anxiety. He burst into sobs, the sight of whatever little he'd had for lunch now on his legs and on their bed. Magnus would kill him; Caleb certainly would.

Alec gagged, almost throwing up again because of his own vomit. He started looking around, only then did he realize again that Magnus was there.

"'m s-so-s-sorry- I-I- h-h-he-help-..." Alec sobbed, finally seeing his boyfriend. "H-H-Hurts, h-he's-..."

Magnus felt his chest tighten. He didn't know how to help Alec. It wasn't the first time Alec had a panic attack, but he was usually very touchy, so he was scared to approach Alec and scare him further.

"What's hurting you?" He asked, trying to keep the slight desperation off his tone. "Alexander, honey, you're safe here, remember? Nothing bad will happen here, darling, you know that."

Alec had to hold back the urge to throw up again. He needed to clean himself. He didn't notice he had a tight grip on his hair until he took a tighter hold on it. It was a bad tendency of his, to grip his hair.