Painful Love

Little Things

Alec had woken up from his much needed nap feeling Magnus kiss his face. He had woken up in a good mood to his boyfriend peppering his face with kisses. One thing had led to another and they ended up doing something that didn't usually happen.

Most of the time, Alec had a hard time staying present, especially whenever things got the slightest heated, which was why Magnus was pleasantly surprised to find himself actually making out with Alec. He was being careful, because he didn't want to ruin the moment by triggering his boyfriend.

He felt Alec's hands shakily moving to his sides and he smiled into the kiss. He moved a bit, breaking the kiss. He looked down at Alec's beautiful eyes, now shining just like his lips were.

"You can touch me, Alexander, you know it's all right." He whispered, his face close to Alec's again.

Magnus had always enjoyed feeling somebody's hands on him in between kisses, or simple intimacy. He watched Alec's cheeks redden and he chuckled, pecking his lips.

"Are you okay, though? We can stop if it's making you uncomfortable."

Alec shook his head; he was fine. He didn't want to stop now, he was simply very nervous. He wanted Magnus. He moved his hands up to his boyfriend's neck, pulling him down to kiss him again.

He had never felt this way before; actually, only once and Caleb had taken advantage of it. He felt shivers run down his spine and he forced himself to take a deep breath in, when Magnus suddenly stopped kissing him, again.

"Do you, uh, do you feel like doing something more?" He softly asked as he stroked Alec's cheek gently.

He and Alec hadn't done anything more than kissing, sometimes a bit of making out, but that was it. Magnus was a very touchy person, so he knew he had to be careful around Alec, but, lately, he'd started to wonder if Alec actually liked his casual touches or not. The way Alec seemed to lean in every time Magnus touched him had started to make Magnus wonder.

However, that was barely anything compared to what Magnus was talking about now: having sex. Alec had been touchy lately; Magnus had found himself very pleased to see that Alec instinctively leaned into his touch, or even touched Magnus while kissing, as if he were wanting for more.

Alec swallowed hard. Did he feel like doing that? He did want to share himself in that way with Magnus. He had never seen sex as a good thing. He had always heard his father having sex with prostitutes, almost on a weekly basis.

After that, before Caleb had started to fully take advantage of him, he'd thought perhaps he'd be able to have sex and enjoy it, unlike whatever it was that he had heard his father make those women go through.

Caleb had proven him wrong, which had led up to Alec believing that sex didn't actually feel good; even when he wasn't forced to it. It hadn't been until he had started therapy with his relatively new psychologist, Olivia, that he hadn't opened up about his sexual life.

He hadn't felt comfortable talking about that with his first psychologist, Amelia. His new one, Olivia, had straight up told him that if there was no consent from both parts it was rape, sexual assault, which had made Alec, through tears, tell her that he was terrified of having sex ever again.

Some intense therapy sessions later, Alec had begun to realize that sex was actually supposed to make one feel good. Ever since Olivia had reassured him that having sex with the right person would be a way more different and better experience, Alec had started to wonder if having sex with Magnus could even be considered as something to happen in the future.

Alec wanted to enjoy sex. Magnus was someone he wanted to let in; in all senses. Magnus was the most important person in his life. He had never loved nor felt loved by anyone the way he felt when it came to Magnus.