Earning It || KSJ 🔞

Chapter 16: Rough

Kwon Boram's POV

Similar to Jin, my previous toxic relationship has damaged me in ways that I never really realized until he and I began our relationship. Being with him made me realize that I developed the attitude of a pleaser and became insecure about myself because of my past.

Being with my ex, I was scared that he was going to leave me for not being enough. I guess I loved him too much too that I hadn't realized I was losing myself just so I could please him and keep our relationship.

He made me question myself, my sanity, and my worth when he left me. I felt like I wasn't enough despite all the efforts that I did just to make him happy. I read all his favorite books, watched his favorite films, and even listened to his type of music just so I could get along with him and hear him praise me and get rewarded by him.

I was very into him before that I gave myself too much. He was every woman's desire from the high school we went to. Everybody admired him, including me, so being noticed by him was such a big deal for an ordinary girl like me. Maybe that's why when I had him, I thought I was so lucky so I should never do anything that could make me lose him.

But he cheated on me and made it seem like it was my fault because I was still lacking something despite all the efforts that I did.

It took me a while to recover, and Daisy was a huge part of helping me create the Boram that exists today.

"We could say he took advantage of me," I said, sighing and washing my face with the warm water here in the hot tub. "But I realized it too late. I was young ㅡ not that I'm old now too ㅡ but I was also naive. I wasn't as smart with myself." I smiled sadly, feeling sorry for my younger self. "I thought giving my all to him even if I was beginning to lose myself will make us last."

It's quite late, and only Jin and I are here in the jacuzzis since he requested Taehyung to allow us to have the place just for ourselves.

Jin and I found my ex and I's relationship an interesting topic to talk about after the incident earlier and my reaction to it. It never even came to me that I never shared to him my experience with my ex aside from the fact that he cheated on me.

"Come here," he said.

I submerged myself completely under the water and then barely swam just to go to him. He was sitting in front of me. I sat down beside him after and wiped off the excess water on my face but he took my hand and pulled me so I would go in front of him.

I decided to sit on his lap, making my knees bend and my shin press on the surface intended for sitting. Then, he placed my arms over his shoulders.

He pecked my lips. "You're more than enough for me and you deserve every praise there is to exist in this world, love. I will never get tired of reminding you that."

I smiled, scrunching my nose. Then, I pressed our forehead together, closing my eyes to feel him and his presence more. A smile on my lips remained as my heart pounded and swelled with overwhelming joy and contentment to the person that really appreciates me and praises me for everything that I never even ask and work hard for.

"I'm so happy we gave us another chance," I said softly and knew I wanted to do something for him too. For us.

He isn't asking for it, but truthfully, I'm willing to try his rougher side than what I already know. After all, I trust him and I know he won't hurt me and push me too much without my consent.

I decided to pull away to kiss him on the back of his ear then, I went slowly down and to his neck, making him tilt his head back. I licked his adam's apple and pecked on it. I stopped from there to look at him and saw his eyes lustfully half-closed as he stared at me.